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Thread: INTjs in romance and relationships with other types

  1. #1
    Creepy-

    Default INTjs in romance and relationships with other types

    I am interested to know what the nature of an INTJ-INTJ, or INTJ-INFJ
    >romantic relationship would be. Not being a fatalist, I believe Mr
    Darcy
    >and Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice) , or Joseph and Oprah could
    work
    >beautifully, so long as the methodology is found. So, once again, the
    >nature of such a relationship, and the methodology for success. Why is
    it
    >that I like ESFPs, but am, at the same time digusted by their passion
    for
    >dances and parties. Also, why do INTJ women seem to prefer other
    INTJs, or
    >judgers, Hillary Clinton. Each romantic relationship has its
    >advantages, though, with others, more effort may need to be put for a
    more
    >passionate and deeply fulfilling love life. Would not a relationship
    >between an INTJ and an ENFP be superior to one between an INTJ and an
    ESFP,
    >viz, same language... What relationships would best
    stimulate
    >more compassion on the part of an INTJ, and at the same time stimulate
    his
    >intellectual faculties. Of course, by my argument, all...

  2. #2
    Creepy-josephnoko

    Default INTJs

    Lets get beack to original topic, INTJs and the life of the heart!

  3. #3

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    This is the story of my (love) life. I always find myself attracted to ESFPs, and yet they seem so shallow and/or spineless.

    As an INTJ female, I don't think I necessarily want a man who is smarter than me, but I do want a guy who I can respect. Most of the guys I'm attracted to is in a...I'll say "motherly" way. Meaning that I have this desire to save them from their irrational, irresponsible behavior. And on the flip side, I think I want them to help me lighten up. But I'm afraid that I'll just end up despising them.

    So, it's the eternal battle of desire vs. will. The kind of man I want or the kind of man I think I need?

  4. #4

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    Default Your needs?

    Quote Originally Posted by XcaliburGirl
    This is the story of my (love) life. I always find myself attracted to ESFPs, and yet they seem so shallow and/or spineless.

    As an INTJ female, I don't think I necessarily want a man who is smarter than me, but I do want a guy who I can respect. Most of the guys I'm attracted to is in a...I'll say "motherly" way. Meaning that I have this desire to save them from their irrational, irresponsible behavior. And on the flip side, I think I want them to help me lighten up. But I'm afraid that I'll just end up despising them.

    So, it's the eternal battle of desire vs. will. The kind of man I want or the kind of man I think I need?
    In theory, of course an ESFJ would be the best match for you, but it is good to keep in mind that currently even the best tests have only low to medium reliability and the perceiving/ judging scale appears to be especially difficult. There is neither much hard evidence to back up the claims of socionics. If you have faith in socionics you should try to find ESFJ men. The type has rather a feminine reputation but you could find many quite masculine ESFJ men working in sales, for example.

    I am myself rather inclined to believe that the ideal personality type may well be different for everyone rather depending on what it is that people want in their life. Perhaps it could be best to try to think what kind of relationship would you actually like to have, what do you want in a man and what you are able to give to him. Usually the positive and negative sides tend to go almost hand in hand, the most reliable and responsible guys are often not the most entertaining, etc. INFJ men, like myself, for example, on the other hand could be dedicated and supportive but perhaps too clingy or at times too infantile. Identical relations should provide for full undestanding and are ideal for a theapeutic relationship, but personally I am not quite convinced that an INTJ man and woman would make an ideal combination. Most INTJ men are just too sure about the strength of their intellectual faculties and you might not be able to give each other the kind of support you crave.

    Of course they say that when you fall in love you just know he is "the right one", but it could be that you will just end up waiting in vain for "the prince in shining armour". Knowing about socionics can, at least in theory, help you to also understand yourself better and avoid possible mistakes. INTJs for example have Fe, ethics of emotions, as their suggestive function and may thus fall easily for someone who can just confidently show positive emotions and cheer them up.

    I may be just ramling but I hope to help you get thinking yourself, for once you have roughly figured out what you would actually like to have, for example what kind of support would you most appreciate and what kind of weaknesses are you willint to tolerate in a man, it should be easier to find the right one.

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    I have a family member who is INTJ and he is single, always searching for a partner. He has this combination of naivete about women/relationships and more than a bit of that NT critical ruthless edge. (and I say this being ENTP myself; kinda takes one to know one). I think this puts him at a disadvantage in romantic relationships. Mind you, at work he is quite strategic, and has many friends. Socially seems quite adept. It seems to be the intimacy issue that's hard for him. I've always thought a confident ESFJ female would be perfect for him. Someone who can not take his ruthlessness personally, who can do the right thing and draw the same from him, and yet lighten him up. Seems like there is a lot of this type around, too. If he could just soften that ruthless edge a bit, I think the naivete would be less of a problem.

    I have no idea if this issue is one that alot of INTJ's struggle with or not, but it definitely fits my family member. What exactly is it about intimacy that might make it hard for some INTJ's?
    Entp
    ILE

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    On intimacy...obviously INTJs tend to take the long psychological approach...I must say the intimacy level I had with an ESFJ girlfriend was about 5x the intimacy I've ever had that I can remember, counting the relationships with family and friends and such. I wouldn't say the type(INTJ) has intimacy problems, but has to find someone to accept them(with INTX most of the time it's their dual).

    On ESFJ guys, I've only known one, and not well. He considered the relationship he had with an ESFP girl extremely intimate, although he was completely being used and being called names behind his back, and avoided by the girl. Had arguments all of the time. I knew the girl better.
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  7. #7
    Creepy-xers

    Default

    quality prevails

  8. #8
    Creepy-josephnoko

    Default INTJs, and Romance

    Personaly, I have found relationships with ENFPs to be of a superior quality than those with ESFPs, for obvious reasons. What do you think of romantic relationships between INTJs and ENFPs, ENFJs, ENTJs and ENTPs? Especially if the man is an INTJ and the woman is an... I suppose determining relationship values would be easier if one could measure levels of perception and judging, extroversion and introversion, etc.

    For now, damn the theorists, what does your experience and your intuition tell you? Has anyone ever watched "A Beautiful Mind"? What do you think Alicia Nash's personality type is, at least as depicted in the film? Hoa about Dons Vito and Michael Corleone from the "Godfather"?

    Supposing I want the kind of relationship Nash had with his wife...( I am an INTJ).

  9. #9
    Creepy-josephnoko

    Default INTJs, and Romance

    Relationships between male INTJs and female ESTJs?

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    Default Alicia Nash etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by josephnoko
    For now, damn the theorists, what does your experience and your intuition tell you? Has anyone ever watched "A Beautiful Mind"? What do you think Alicia Nash's personality type is, at least as depicted in the film? Hoa about Dons Vito and Michael Corleone from the "Godfather"?

    Supposing I want the kind of relationship Nash had with his wife...( I am an INTJ).

    In my opinion John Nash is probably an INFJ, Alicia maybe an ENTP, she was for example a gifted mathematician herself. Most people would probably type John Nash as an INTJ. The truth may never be known.

    Why is Alicia Nash, his longsuffering wife, reduced to a caricature fantasy woman. I respect Jennifer Connelly as an actress. She was sensational in last year's Requiem for a Dream but in this motion picture she has zero to work with. The real Alicia Nash is no doubt an interesting woman but as presented here she's a perfect 1950s clone. She's smart enough to be at MIT in the 50s but perfectly content to paint watercolors, fix her husbands ties, and act as an otherwise indistinguishable trophy at parties. Her other character traits: Hmmm, well she wears tight clothes, never gains a pound even during pregnancy or after giving birth, initiates lovemaking. And is unendingly faithful to her husband despite his illness and impotency. Loyalty is a admirable character trait but it is the only dimension that this woman had. I found her portrayal to be retro 50s longing at best and dangerous gender propaganda at worst.
    http://www.thefilmexperience.net/Reviews/iris.html

    The real story was apparently quite a lot different from the movie version, and though Jennifer Connelly is quite a hottie, that is not related to her personality type. Generally women with ethical types tend to, in my opinion, appear better looking largely because they are on average more interested in pleasing men and taking care of their appearance, but of course it is just a very rough trend.

    Generally INTJs seem to be quite satisfied with their dual ESFJ, but love moves in mysterious ways...

    I have both read the book and seen the Godfather movies, but it was many years ago before I knew about socionics. It is probably better not to make wild guesses - but of course if you have an opinion, I am all ears.

    My argument for typing John Nash as an INFJ is here:
    oldforumlinkviewtopic-144.html
    scroll down till you see his picture for the second time.

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    Default Romancing The INTJ

    I am an INTJ. One of the problems in general than perhaps an INTJ would

    have include having a concept of romance in his head.

    This concept mismatches with reality. Imagination being perfect.

    Therefore, seeking such a concept in real life is akin to seeking

    out the holy grail.

    This make any sense?

  12. #12
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    As some of you might be aware i am in a little romantic situation with an INTj. As with any mirror type we are always meeting at the same point but are going in opposite directions. We both want the same thing, but go through different means of expressing these wants( i use my 3rd to get my 4th, as does she) i will quickly or insecurely spank her butt as she passes by, or push her because i am so unsure of the quality of my fifth function, Fi. she gives me almost no physical cues because her sensing is so weak, and this causes problems, especially in person. the emotions are in there, but can't express themselves because it requires Se, which she is terribly afraid to use.

    i'll go the whole day thinking "wow, i guess she doesn't like me anymore" and when i go home there will be a little message in my cell phone that she so stealthily put in there which reads "Hey sexy*". sometimes i'll even get a late night phone call, which helps us to realize we are on the same page, just starting on what our own ideas of what the top is.

    i think you're right about it having alot to do with experience(not only for intoverts, us ENTp's are often cursed when it comes to romance). I think that there is alot of idealizing, but i also think that once you find what you want, and what you want actually recognizes you- then you start to ignore the fantasies and focus on the reality(for me anyway)

    my suggestion for INTj types- if you want to practice your relationship skills start hanging around lonely ENTp's. you're bound to get some attention. I've found that ESFj types have alot of trouble paying attention to INTj's, and often even insult them behind their backs since they don't understand them. this is personal experience. I think that with maturity ESFj's start to realize they can't be perfect and realize what they really need- an INTj.

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    Hey Waddles,

    I understand what you are saying. It makes sense.

    Thanks.

  14. #14
    Creepy-Cooky

    Default INTJ men

    My husband and the absolute love of my life is an INTJ. Been married 5 years and the new hasn't worn off. We both believe we are soul mates and are incredibly grateful and lucky to have found each other. All you INTJ men, find yourself an INFJ or ENFJ. Not to say we never disagree or misunderstand each other, quite the contrary. But our connection goes way way deep, so that "bumps" in the road never shake the firm foundation.

  15. #15
    Creepy-ChristiRB

    Default Re: INTJ men

    Quote Originally Posted by Cooky
    My husband and the absolute love of my life is an INTJ. Been married 5 years and the new hasn't worn off. We both believe we are soul mates and are incredibly grateful and lucky to have found each other. All you INTJ men, find yourself an INFJ or ENFJ. Not to say we never disagree or misunderstand each other, quite the contrary. But our connection goes way way deep, so that "bumps" in the road never shake the firm foundation.
    WAHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^

  16. #16
    Creepy-Cooky

    Default INTJ men

    Also, INTJs pride themselves in being extremely proficient in whatever interests them. And they truly are excellent at what they do, it's not just boasting on their part.

    Yeah.... excellent at what they do....

  17. #17
    Creepy-ChristiRB

    Default Re: INTJ men

    Quote Originally Posted by Cooky
    Also, INTJs pride themselves in being extremely proficient in whatever interests them. And they truly are excellent at what they do, it's not just boasting on their part.

    Yeah.... excellent at what they do....
    I'm an ENFJ in love with an INTJ *listens to you*

  18. #18

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    i'm thinking there must be some way for things to work with an ISTJ... they don't change their minds easily, do they? or take serious risks.

  19. #19
    Creepy-

    Default Re: INTJ men

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristiRB
    Quote Originally Posted by Cooky
    Also, INTJs pride themselves in being extremely proficient in whatever interests them. And they truly are excellent at what they do, it's not just boasting on their part.

    Yeah.... excellent at what they do....
    I'm an ENFJ in love with an INTJ *listens to you*
    Christi, You've got to TELL this person. Tell me you've told this person....

  20. #20
    Creepy-ENTp M

    Default ENTP - INTJ

    I'm an ENTP and a relationship I've been in with an INTJ female for about 3 months and it seems to work pretty well for me. There are some issues though. Like if I had my way I'd probably see her a lot more. Her work is always a priority so I'm begining to feel like I'm not all that appreciated. If I start talking about that, then that seems to make her withdraw more. When we're together (about once a week for a couple hours) the relationship.... getting along talking all that is real good, we kind of function like a team in what ever we do. She calls me twice a day and the conversations are all over the place....her job, my job, the next date, family, sex. When we get together the sex is real good. She's probably the best "technical" sex partner I've ever had, but I actually found myself apologizing once for telling her I loved her during sex. Now that is wierd, but that level of intimacy, commitment, whatever just seems to scare the hell out of her. Just once, I'd like to be able to tell her how I felt and not worry about scaring the hell out of her. How do INTJ women deal with irrational statements in the throws of wild passionate sex. I wish I could get on her radar a little more, I know the 2 or 3 phonecalls I get from her each day is an INTJ female's version of "throwing yourself" at someone, but for the rest of us....well.... Anyway, I'm thinking for Christmas I'll be getting her a book of custom "things to do list" that have my name as like task #3 permanently entered on each line. Now my only danger of screwing this up is getting impatient. I'm so used to some kind of passion in a relationship, I get very tempted to just create some kind of drama to keep things "exciting". Now there's some squirrely ENTP thinking for you. Well time to go fight that urge. Ciao!

  21. #21
    Creepy-ChristiRB

    Default Re: INTJ men

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by ChristiRB
    Quote Originally Posted by Cooky
    Also, INTJs pride themselves in being extremely proficient in whatever interests them. And they truly are excellent at what they do, it's not just boasting on their part.

    Yeah.... excellent at what they do....
    I'm an ENFJ in love with an INTJ *listens to you*
    Christi, You've got to TELL this person. Tell me you've told this person....
    I have. I wrote a letter to him. But that was 3 years ago. He was a little weirded out at first, but then EXTREMELY flattered after he thought about it...about me. But I messed up. Now, I don't know where we stand. I want to tell him in person that I still care about him and think he's amazing, being that is has been almost 4 years now...but....I am afraid....

  22. #22
    Creepy-ChristiRB

    Default

    We ARE friends now and are starting to feel comfortable around each other again so, maybe I'll get the guts soon....

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    Default my POV

    ENTp M - i hope you've considered very seriously how serious you are to her. understand that by asking her to be with you more, to give you more attention, etc. you are asking for a very great deal because we do not give these things without risking the tenderest, most private portions of our heart. i think these things do not mean the same to a woman of another type. so you must understand that those things may mean a great deal more to her than you think. and if i'm not mistaken, you mentioned in another thread that both of you have lived some decades by now, and that she probably has been burned a lot by now. i know other types scoff at the INTj's surprising fragility in emotional attachments, but it is true. and after a few heartbreaks she probably has some sort of upgraded defenses to protect herself. once we let someone in, that person will always be able to come in, even if he starts to bring pain. and so if something goes wrong, she may have to move away from you to protect herself. if you understand this, you will see why it is a not a decision lightly made.

    is there anything standing between you? do you care for her enough through all that fortification?

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    Default Re: my POV

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirana
    is there anything standing between you? do you care for her enough through all that fortification?
    Nothing really. She's just afraid and to be honest so am I. At first I was ready to intoduce her to my kids (they live with me 16 & 19 so not looking for "mommy"), take her home all that. She killed that idea off pretty quickly (we're in a casual relationship blah blah blah) so she has no idea where or how I live and like I said never met my kids. 2 months ago I wouldn't have cared about getting rejected on the grounds that my house and kids didn't "measure up". Now I've fallen for this woman, and I'm concerned. I was supposed to bring her around tomorrow night just to see the house, but I punked out. Too much cleaning. She lives in an operating room clean condo, I live in a townhome with teenagers and a spastic bird dog. It's not filthy, but it does look occupied. So reality is that I'm probably a large part of why it isn't moving any further right now. You know the "you don't measure up" effect INTJ's can have on people.

  25. #25

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    oh, ENTP_M... i do know we have that effect on people. but really, it is also true that most people don't have a real clue what are the measuring sticks that we use to size people up. usually, it's not what you think.

    but i'll tell you this much. if she ever decides to go another step further with you and goes to your 'messy' place, it is all too probable that she may rate you not on your 'messiness' per se, but that you were worried that it would not be comfortable for her, and that you were trying to fix it a bit. whether you are messy or not (and believe me even if you try to hide it she will know eventually - we are sharp like that) is something she has to decide whether it's acceptable or not. but i'm almost 100% certain (as certain as anyone can be about a stranger) that your effort to appear more appealing to her will be noted favourably.

    and since there's no real obstacle... my God i envy the two of you. wishing you all the best. really. (hey look at me - the only romantic INTj in the world)

  26. #26
    Creepy-Cooky

    Default Christi

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristiRB
    We ARE friends now and are starting to feel comfortable around each other again so, maybe I'll get the guts soon....
    When you "messed up", was it infidelity? I don't know if an INTJ can ever get past that... they really are fragile flowers, believe it or not.

    If you can come up with a rational explanation of what happened, even if the rationale was "I freaked out because I was scared" or some other emotionally based reason, your INTJ can understand it. And once they understand the REASON, they're okay. They also want to know if they should live in fear of it happening again.

    Good luck to you both!

  27. #27
    Creepy-ChristiRB

    Default

    It was actually mostly me having an EXTREMELY bad day and virtually ignoring him when he thought we were getting cloer and he was actually beginning to trust me. But I blew it. (

    He doesn't trust me now (and this happened right at 2 years ago)....but I hope that once I clear the air...he'll forgive me. It's just finding a way to come up out of myself to do that. Once I tried to talk to him and I lost my words, my mind went blank and I literally started shaking! I was so embarrassed! LOL. But he was so nice to me. I think that made it worse.

  28. #28
    Creepy-Cooky

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristiRB
    It was actually mostly me having an EXTREMELY bad day and virtually ignoring him when he thought we were getting cloer and he was actually beginning to trust me. But I blew it. (

    He doesn't trust me now (and this happened right at 2 years ago)....but I hope that once I clear the air...he'll forgive me. It's just finding a way to come up out of myself to do that. Once I tried to talk to him and I lost my words, my mind went blank and I literally started shaking! I was so embarrassed! LOL. But he was so nice to me. I think that made it worse.
    You're good with words. Write him a letter. Write him a poem. That's what I did, I wrote him a poem. I called and read it to him. And told him I didn't need to hear anything from him, because I just wanted him to know how it was for me, that I loved him. Two days later he told me he loved me too.

  29. #29
    Creepy-ChristiRB

    Default

    Awww... So sweet.

    I already wrote him a letter though. 10 years ago. I don't want to do it again. I know that the apology has to come from my lips. No more chickening out! I HAVE to do it! And I have to be okay with no or a delayed answer- bc I am pretty sure that-in typical INTJ fashion- he won't respond . LOL.

  30. #30
    Creepy-ChristiRB

    Default

    Oooops I mean I wrote him a letter 4 years ago. *blush* I've KNOWN him for 10 years.

  31. #31
    Creepy-

    Default

    Well, you know him best. In person it is, then. My experience with INTJs is that they appreciate effort. So if you struggle with your words, it'll be okay.

    I think you're right though. You probably won't get a response right away. He'll need to go away and pinch himself to make sure he's not dreaming!

  32. #32
    Creepy-ChristiRB

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    Awww! I truly hope so! <3

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    Default Re: INTJ men

    Quote Originally Posted by Cooky
    My husband and the absolute love of my life is an INTJ. Been married 5 years and the new hasn't worn off. We both believe we are soul mates and are incredibly grateful and lucky to have found each other. All you INTJ men, find yourself an INFJ or ENFJ. Not to say we never disagree or misunderstand each other, quite the contrary. But our connection goes way way deep, so that "bumps" in the road never shake the firm foundation.
    i'd be way too paranoid dating an enfj let alone marrying one. in my experiences enfj/intj relationships end pretty tragically. sure you aren't esfj?
    lol

  34. #34
    Creepy-Cooky

    Default INTJ/ENFJ

    Rational / Idealist pairings are amazing. Both intuitive, so the basic way of looking at the world is the same. Both "j", so all good there.

    The conflict areas are... well, conflict. Idealists hate conflict. hate it hate it hate it. Rationals love to take everything apart and poke at it. Idealists will do this as long as the discussion is friendly. But my experience of INTJs is that they're closet romantics, just really private about it. Which the E(I)NFJ loves.

  35. #35

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    Kiersay and socionics are different things.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

  36. #36
    Creepy-ENTp M

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirana
    oh, ENTP_M... i do know we have that effect on people. but really, it is also true that most people don't have a real clue what are the measuring sticks that we use to size people up. usually, it's not what you think.

    but i'll tell you this much. if she ever decides to go another step further with you and goes to your 'messy' place, it is all too probable that she may rate you not on your 'messiness' per se, but that you were worried that it would not be comfortable for her, and that you were trying to fix it a bit. whether you are messy or not (and believe me even if you try to hide it she will know eventually - we are sharp like that) is something she has to decide whether it's acceptable or not. but i'm almost 100% certain (as certain as anyone can be about a stranger) that your effort to appear more appealing to her will be noted favourably.

    and since there's no real obstacle... my God i envy the two of you. wishing you all the best. really. (hey look at me - the only romantic INTj in the world)
    I'll admit it. I have no freaking idea what's up with this lady. Today I find out that she really wants to be with me over the holiday, after pretty clearly communicating to me that she wanted to keep a little distant. Now we've gone from "I don't want to meet your kids because we're in a casual relationship." to ..... I'm okay with meeting your kids, meeting your extended family, being in your house overnight, and being with me pretty much 4 days non-stop.

    Now I don't know what happened in between being a paramour to being more of a traditional "girlfriend", but I gotta say it took me by surprise. I like it. It's what I wanted. In fact, I really was bummed that she was going back home for the holiday and I wouldn't be seeing her for a couple of weeks, so at the time she's sharing her "possible plans", I made it easy for her to make her and dealt with my own crap. Now she says she always wanted to stay with me an was a little hurt that I gave her, her own line back about the whole "casual relationship" thing. I don't know what this dance is called, but I suck at it. So today she says we have a new rule..we both say clearly what we want and stop trying to "posture" to try and anticipate the other person. My caveat is that we give each other the benefit of the doubt on "best intentions". I guess this is a case of two understanding people being too understanding, or something like that. Why isn't everything just apparent and easy. I've screwed myself with overthinking what should have been a fairly simple thing to do. 50 going on 15. Will it ever end?

    <This is where DisoJoe says, "Yes and badly.">

  37. #37
    Creepy-

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by XcaliburGirl
    This is the story of my (love) life. I always find myself attracted to ESFPs, and yet they seem so shallow and/or spineless.

    As an INTJ female, I don't think I necessarily want a man who is smarter than me, but I do want a guy who I can respect. Most of the guys I'm attracted to is in a...I'll say "motherly" way. Meaning that I have this desire to save them from their irrational, irresponsible behavior. And on the flip side, I think I want them to help me lighten up. But I'm afraid that I'll just end up despising them.

    So, it's the eternal battle of desire vs. will. The kind of man I want or the kind of man I think I need?
    funny I'd say the same fore INTJ males. Afterall I am one myself. but from my experiences I end up despising them for their irrationality.

  38. #38

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by XcaliburGirl
    This is the story of my (love) life. I always find myself attracted to ESFPs, and yet they seem so shallow and/or spineless.

    As an INTJ female, I don't think I necessarily want a man who is smarter than me, but I do want a guy who I can respect. Most of the guys I'm attracted to is in a...I'll say "motherly" way. Meaning that I have this desire to save them from their irrational, irresponsible behavior. And on the flip side, I think I want them to help me lighten up. But I'm afraid that I'll just end up despising them.

    So, it's the eternal battle of desire vs. will. The kind of man I want or the kind of man I think I need?
    funny I'd say the same fore INTJ males. Afterall I am one myself. but from my experiences I end up despising them for their irrationality.
    *LOL*
    Considering I just posted that I think I'm married to a ESFP, that's exactly right on. I think the thing that torques me off most about her is her irrationality. If she would see the obvious rightness of what I'm saying everything would be peachy. Is it just her, or are all ESFPs passive/aggressive?
    Obstacles cannot crush me; every obstacle yields to Stern Resolve.

    -iNtJ

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    Default Re: INTJ men

    Quote Originally Posted by Cooky
    My husband and the absolute love of my life is an INTJ. Been married 5 years and the new hasn't worn off. We both believe we are soul mates and are incredibly grateful and lucky to have found each other. All you INTJ men, find yourself an INFJ or ENFJ. Not to say we never disagree or misunderstand each other, quite the contrary. But our connection goes way way deep, so that "bumps" in the road never shake the firm foundation.
    Hello, this is my first post, I'm from Malta, Europe. Now, this caught my attention, I'll be honest, I think I like an ENFJ 19-year old female who frequents my course at University (Law), although I basically do not know her much. She just has something that attracts me, and I'm not merely referring to appearance as I generally consider that important but still of second consequence.

    My question is, most descriptions I found, seem to say that an INTJ-ENFJ relationship is not ideal, and I personally fear that, as described, an ENFJ would be too controlling or possessive, worst of all insecure perhaps? I'm personally a very independent-minded person, and I always was so. No wonder I have no qualms to speak my own in front of the best people of the country without hesitation if required (I did this, although I'm a mere student from a not-so-well-put family).

    I would like to know your personal experience. The person is actually from my same homearea (although I only met her around a year or so at the start of the course, plus I did not consider her since I was in a serious relationship, and I'm extremely loyal to the point of not talking at length with other women, though that wasn't some formalistic obligation attitude, but a question of love and wanting the relationship to work), most of all she declares herself Roman Catholic which is essential for me (not for family purposes, but even for dating), plus unlike my previous relationship we have the same political family background which is very important in Malta and especially since I'm actively interested in the field (the previous relationship was with someone of an opposed political party, cause of headaches and silence out of respect when I wanted to speak out).

    Anyways, can you give me some highlights, particularly on problem areas and how you deal with potential incompatibilities?

    Thanks.

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    It also says that INTj-ESTp relationships are not ideal, but I've managed to make mine work just fine for nine years.
    Its the individuals in the relationship that count, not their type.

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