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Thread: I know you don't really care, but help anyway!

  1. #1
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    Default I know you don't really care, but help anyway!

    I don't know where else to put this. It COULD be related to socionics.

    Anyways I just got out of a bad friendship irl. It felt over-committed to me, so like a stereotypically guy, I ended it. It just felt so draining. I cared about this person so much but it was just like so serious and heavy-handed. I got accused of always wanting to joke and never be serious with her, but it was just too much for me to take.

    Now that I broke up with her, I feel happier but is this just fleeting? I hate feeling this way, because I know she's still upset....but it's like I just had to move on I felt suffocated. I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'M DOING. I just didn't know how to solve it, so I ran away logically. I tried to make it work, but it's like she wasn't listening to anything I said, and I wasn't really wanting to change for her either...so yeah.

    And I'm really concerned because I always read advice on how to 'just break up' with somebody when you're not doing well with them, and it seemed like really harsh to me, and anti-human, but I guess I see their point. I still have no idea if I made the right choice! But it's a choice I made, so I know I have to take responsibility no matter what the consequences. I dunno if this is a good thing at all, even though I am happy right now. I wanted to make things work...but it feels awkward as hell everytime I try to communicate. We used to get along so well together too, but I think our priorities have shifted. So strange. I thought she was forever! But like if this is real, always feeling so over emotional and unhappy then I guess I'll take shallow anyday, but maybe she's right, maybe I just don't have the cajones to stick through the fire and see how it all turns out, but I am just tired of the nagging and criticisms and everything else.

    This is my first break-up btw lol....we were together for 10 years. I still don't know. It's SO WEIRD but to be honest we were really apart long before then, we both were just masking our true feelings.

    I feel like such an asshole. =( I don't know if I did the right thing or not. Only time will tell eh? I honestly don't have a lot of real-life experience (surprise, surprise) so any of you sensor-down to earth types can help me out I appreciate it.

    And what's funny I always thought I would be the one that gets rejected and the victim in life, but I am the one that's doing the rejecting, the walking away the "giving up" supposedly. *CRY*

  2. #2
    BLauritson's Avatar
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    Both partners in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) need to be willing to support it for it to work. If either partner isn't willing to make that commitment for whatever reason, then breaking up is all that can be done. Of course there's going to be grief, it always hurts to break an attachment, but if it causes either partner pain to actually be in the relationship, it's not worth sustaining. No point wasting time in an unhappy relationship if both partners could do better for themselves. That's my advice, no doubt some will disagree.
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    10 years is a long enough time to get to know the other person very well. You would know her well enough to realize if she was the person you would want to live the entire rest of your life with. You decided there was something wrong and I'm sure you thought about ending the relationship many many times before you really did it. Don't change your mind because you have second thoughts during the first phase of break-up.

    Wait a year. If you two were really meant to be together despite all your differences, you will get back together and no one can stop you. During the year try to find yourself again. In the last 10 years you have grown to live together with another person and your personality has got new aspects that are only needed for this particular relationship. Now you have to find out which part of your personality genuinely yours and which part exists only for her. Don't go back yet. Right now the part of you needs her, because it's used to having her around. Wait until you are accustomed to being without her before you change your mind about the relationship.
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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Kriistina ... B&D is gay ... he is talking about a very long platonic FRIENDSHIP


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    I'm always more upset when I'm the breaker-upper too. I don't know why. Oh, I do. Internalized guilt. It rules my life!

    I hope a bit more time helps you put it all in perspective B&D. I think it can hurt even more when close friendships end than when romantic relationships end. *hug*
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    Kristiina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Kriistina ... B&D is gay ... he is talking about a very long platonic FRIENDSHIP

    haha, lol. The advice still applies I think. ...some parts of it.
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