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Thread: My relationship with this INTp guy

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    Default My relationship with this INTp guy

    Ok so I know this is gonna sound like a Dear Abby post but whatever...

    So there's this ILI that I've been hooking up with and he told me how he feels conflicted because he wants his independence and doesn't want a girlfriend yet he still wants someone to love (aww) anyway, i like him but I kinda feel the same way. The wierd thing is we usually end up having sleepovers most weekends anyway. In my experience with ILI's I'm the one thats cheering them up and giving them a reason to go on (as dramatic as that sounds) so I feel like I should be the one to make the initiative for us to be something more since we pretty much are anyway but I'm scared since ILI's can be fickle and when they feel like someone is trying to impede on their freedom freak out. What should I do? I don't necessarily want a relationship with him but I want to be able to cuddle and be able to be cute with him without him thinking im just some crazy attached girl.
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    Default Re: ILI boy problem :(

    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    I don't necessarily want a relationship with him but I want to be able to cuddle and be able to be cute with him without him thinking im just some crazy attached girl.
    well, this sounds great to me. Why don't you start saying this literally to him. Giving hints doesn't work.

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    really? do you think that's impeding too much on his freedom?
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    No. The more direct you are, the better. Clearly define your intentions, don't be coy (although being coy is cute, for a while).

    Good luck.
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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Why are you okay with this, just wondering? You have sleepovers? Ahem ... so things happen, right? I don't get why a person would be okay with not having a relationship but having physical affection. For me, they go hand-in-hand and ONLY that way ... I would never kiss someone or do anything sexual if I were not dating them very steadily. I just feel terrible if I do and I feel used as well. I don't mean to rain on your parade but it seems like the ILI has some selfish motivations here.


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    "So there's this ILI that I've been hooking up with and he told me how he feels conflicted because he wants his independence and doesn't want a girlfriend"

    Stop right there. He is either:

    A) Telling you the truth
    B) Trying to play a chasing game with you

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    I would have no interest in such a relationship... If the other person doesn't demonstrate an unquestionable interest I am likely to fade away.

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    Yeah, I mean, if he was into you he would have at least said "Hey let's date and see if we like each other".

    That, or maybe he really has too many interests right now that he's pursuing and he really DOESN'T have time for a girlfriend.

    And this has been, Dr. Loki.

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    I've been considering changing my user name. The confusion is so... confusing.

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    Why? I think your username is badass, if I do say so myself.

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    "not wanting a relationship" does not point towards "crazy attached"... you are like a dream, don't worry about it.
    LSI

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    Quote Originally Posted by PotatoSpirit
    "not wanting a relationship" does not point towards "crazy attached"...
    PoLR hit!
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    I would never kiss someone or do anything sexual if I were not dating them very steadily.
    You are so not "RedLight" :-P
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    PoLR hit!
    Uh sry (c:
    Just ignore me and listen to the ILIs, they know their stuff.
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    What should I do? I don't necessarily want a relationship with him but I want to be able to cuddle and be able to be cute with him without him thinking im just some crazy attached girl.

    I've been in a situation like this, thought not with an ILI. And it was very nice for a while, then didn't work out so well...heheh

    I've never dated an INTp, but personally I would need at least some sort of level of devotion, or at least making me the only person he does that with. I can't stand to picture ...sharing, bleck...and what happens when still nothing serious has happened, and he meets someone else and then you have to abruptly stop the cuddly times? You'd be able to take that okay? What if YOU meet someone else, and then have to leave him in the dust?

    Er, sorry if I didn't help, lol
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    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    or at least making me the only person he does that with.
    Assuming he's INTp I'll give 95% guarantee, the girl would be the only person he does that with

    As advice I can only say, that I just go with flow, and let the other person dictate the nature of the relationship, and what's acceptable behaviour in it. If it developed to direction that I wouldn't find acceptable, then there would be nice "thanks, but no thanks". This situation doesn´t seem like one. I wouldn't have any type of sleepovers with a girl I would find "cuddling and being able to be cute with" unacceptable.
    ...the human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure 'Victorian fictions'.

    INTp

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    And if you don't feel right being in an actually somewhat commited relationship, maybe it's because it isn't the right person to be in one with. Even if he is your dual, that doesn't always mean everything is right.
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    Thanks for the good advice guys- I'll let you guys know the outcome
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    Default i wanted to punch this ILI where the sun don't shine...

    OK good duality description...

    - Last night my INTp friend comes over and we're drinking a little bit talking about life, whatever. I wanted to make him laugh and I showed him this comic strip I drew in class because everyone who's seen it thought it was hilarious. It was 3 stages of BU love- Stage 1: girl says to boy "I like you!" and boy says "I like you too!" Stage 2: boy has sex with girl saying "Oooohhh yeah!" Stage 3: girl calls boy saying "I miss you" and boy picks up saying "Why are you calling me?" haha i thought he would life as stereotypical as I thought it was. I show him it and he was like I don't get it. And I was like oh c'mon this is the like most overused stereotype in movies and tv and conversations, how could you NOT know this? He flipped a shit and ran out of my house (because he has issues trying to get laid... basically it doesn't happen- i guess he internalized the comic strip's joke??) in which I was running after him in stilettos 4 blocks down the straight until he finally turned around. I apologized and the next 2 hours were dedicated to me having to make up for my actions and try to make him happy while he still looked sad and was still bitching about something that wasn't my fault. THEN i started to just feel disgusted by him and i was about to cry cuz he was being so mean to me- i couldn't even look at him, and then he was like "Is it sick and twisted that I'm happy rite now?" I just walked away from him. This whole thing wasn't even my fault!! We ended up making up he realized he was wrong and I realized I probably shouldn't have been like how can u NOT get this?? and make it even worse. His argument was that he never experienced that situation so therefore he can't know about it... we're fine now i just wanted to show our duality relationship a little and to show that ESFp's aren't the only ones who can't control their emotions.

    By the way, if you made it to the end of this you're awesome :wink:
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    haha, yeah.. if I'm anything like a typical ILI, we can be somewhat emotionally fragile at times. I remember once a close ESFp friend of mine some time ago made a joke along those same lines, which I took offense to at the time and ended up having a bout of depression for the rest of the day over it. It's weird, normally I hold grudges against people that do something which offends or upsets me (intentionally or otherwise), but I never hold grudges against this particular friend of mine. Whether it's just because of the closeness of the friendship or because of the duality, or perhaps both, I don't really know.
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    haha yeah definitely- to me that was the crazy thing- that he was still thinking about it and it still bothered him so much- i kept on telling him to just stop thinking about it and he was like- i can't my mind just goes. blows my mind. One more thing that i've heard from more than one ILI is that their minds will go to really disturbing thoughts such as suicide or like what would happen if i did this sort of things... any ILI want to attest?

    but yeah i adore our duality relationship.
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    Haha! The topic sounds very kinky

    I suspect that drinking had lot to do with his over-reaction. Anyway there are things in that territory, that could make me to have bad mood, that would make people of other types happy. But I wouldn't react that strong, that joke I find mildly amusing.

    It's like in Black Sabbaths song Paranoid.
    ...the human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure 'Victorian fictions'.

    INTp

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    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    haha yeah definitely- to me that was the crazy thing- that he was still thinking about it and it still bothered him so much- i kept on telling him to just stop thinking about it and he was like- i can't my mind just goes. blows my mind. One more thing that i've heard from more than one ILI is that their minds will go to really disturbing thoughts such as suicide or like what would happen if i did this sort of things... any ILI want to attest?

    but yeah i adore our duality relationship.
    there is always a sort of mechanism keeping time, measuring contents of experience, arranging it, and filtering out that which we do not need to progress in our thoughts. this mechanism is constantly running for some people. now imagine the implications of living with the mechanism: that sometimes we get tired of making it run efficiently, so it runs on it's own and we run far away yet are still met with the impact of its functioning. everything about its functioning is the same while we are uninvolved except for that our awareness of the mechanism is missing, so our impression of its efficiency is skewed by the force of the impact. this can be frightening. it's like we are restrained and held together until we lose our awareness of how things work. at the point that we become unaware, the strands we are composed of start unraveling and entertaining nihilistic thoughts becomes very easy. i figure, if i do not become aware of and even dwell on the most "disturbing" things, then how will i recognize them in another form and ultimately get closer to understanding the essence of life/death. the disturbing things are often the things that make up the boundaries of experience. min/max limits apply here as well, for all you math geeks.
    whenever the dog and i see each other we both stop where we are. we regard each other with a mixture of sadness and suspicion and then we feign indifference.

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    He sounds like a pusssayyy. Nihilistic thoughts sound awesome!! I'm watching this documentary called "Dangerous Knowledge", about four brilliant mathematicians who are driven to commit suicide trying to solve their theories.

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...arch&plindex=0

    Georg Cantor, the great mathematician whose work proved to be the foundation for much of the 20th-century mathematics. He believed he was God's messenger and was eventually driven insane trying to prove his theories of infinity. Ludwig Boltzmann's struggle to prove the existence of atoms and probability eventually drove him to suicide. Kurt Gödel, the introverted confidant of Einstein, proved that there would always be problems which were outside human logic. His life ended in a sanatorium where he starved himself to death (found weighing 65lbs).

    Finally, Alan Turing, the great Bletchley Park code breaker, father of computer science and homosexual, died trying to prove that some things are fundamentally unprovable.
    Do you think they're INTp?

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    Default Re: i wanted to punch this ILI where the sun don't shine...

    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    It was 3 stages of BU love- Stage 1: girl says to boy "I like you!" and boy says "I like you too!" Stage 2: boy has sex with girl saying "Oooohhh yeah!" Stage 3: girl calls boy saying "I miss you" and boy picks up saying "Why are you calling me?" haha i thought he would life as stereotypical as I thought it was. I show him it and he was like I don't get it. And I was like oh c'mon this is the like most overused stereotype in movies and tv and conversations, how could you NOT know this?
    i understand the stereotype but i don't understand why this is supposed to be funny.

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    Quote Originally Posted by reyn_til_runa
    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    haha yeah definitely- to me that was the crazy thing- that he was still thinking about it and it still bothered him so much- i kept on telling him to just stop thinking about it and he was like- i can't my mind just goes. blows my mind. One more thing that i've heard from more than one ILI is that their minds will go to really disturbing thoughts such as suicide or like what would happen if i did this sort of things... any ILI want to attest?

    but yeah i adore our duality relationship.
    there is always a sort of mechanism keeping time, measuring contents of experience, arranging it, and filtering out that which we do not need to progress in our thoughts. this mechanism is constantly running for some people. now imagine the implications of living with the mechanism: that sometimes we get tired of making it run efficiently, so it runs on it's own and we run far away yet are still met with the impact of its functioning. everything about its functioning is the same while we are uninvolved except for that our awareness of the mechanism is missing, so our impression of its efficiency is skewed by the force of the impact. this can be frightening. it's like we are restrained and held together until we lose our awareness of how things work. at the point that we become unaware, the strands we are composed of start unraveling and entertaining nihilistic thoughts becomes very easy. i figure, if i do not become aware of and even dwell on the most "disturbing" things, then how will i recognize them in another form and ultimately get closer to understanding the essence of life/death. the disturbing things are often the things that make up the boundaries of experience. min/max limits apply here as well, for all you math geeks.

    haha i had to read that a few times to get that. is it wierd if i feel similarly about myself? obviously it's not in terms of but like if im hanging out in a group or something sometimes ill think what would happen if i just did ______ (jump up and dance, scream in someone's face, whatever) cool connection between min/max and this concept by the way.
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    Default Re: i wanted to punch this ILI where the sun don't shine...

    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    It was 3 stages of BU love- Stage 1: girl says to boy "I like you!" and boy says "I like you too!" Stage 2: boy has sex with girl saying "Oooohhh yeah!" Stage 3: girl calls boy saying "I miss you" and boy picks up saying "Why are you calling me?" haha i thought he would life as stereotypical as I thought it was. I show him it and he was like I don't get it. And I was like oh c'mon this is the like most overused stereotype in movies and tv and conversations, how could you NOT know this?
    i understand the stereotype but i don't understand why this is supposed to be funny.
    it's because it was a really cute cartoon with the boy looking like the boy on the boy's bathroom door and the girl looking like the girl on the girl's bathroom door.
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    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    One more thing that i've heard from more than one ILI is that their minds will go to really disturbing thoughts such as suicide or like what would happen if i did this sort of things... any ILI want to attest?
    Although I don't do it often, now and again I've imagined, in rather vivid detail, reactions from people I know if they were to find out I'd committed suicide. Seems to be a way of determining my relations with that person ( through as it were). I'm always in bed going off to sleep if this happens. I wish I could have such clear visions all the time, but alas mental and physical distractions abound.
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    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    Quote Originally Posted by reyn_til_runa
    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    haha yeah definitely- to me that was the crazy thing- that he was still thinking about it and it still bothered him so much- i kept on telling him to just stop thinking about it and he was like- i can't my mind just goes. blows my mind. One more thing that i've heard from more than one ILI is that their minds will go to really disturbing thoughts such as suicide or like what would happen if i did this sort of things... any ILI want to attest?

    but yeah i adore our duality relationship.
    there is always a sort of mechanism keeping time, measuring contents of experience, arranging it, and filtering out that which we do not need to progress in our thoughts. this mechanism is constantly running for some people. now imagine the implications of living with the mechanism: that sometimes we get tired of making it run efficiently, so it runs on it's own and we run far away yet are still met with the impact of its functioning. everything about its functioning is the same while we are uninvolved except for that our awareness of the mechanism is missing, so our impression of its efficiency is skewed by the force of the impact. this can be frightening. it's like we are restrained and held together until we lose our awareness of how things work. at the point that we become unaware, the strands we are composed of start unraveling and entertaining nihilistic thoughts becomes very easy. i figure, if i do not become aware of and even dwell on the most "disturbing" things, then how will i recognize them in another form and ultimately get closer to understanding the essence of life/death. the disturbing things are often the things that make up the boundaries of experience. min/max limits apply here as well, for all you math geeks.

    haha i had to read that a few times to get that. is it wierd if i feel similarly about myself? obviously it's not in terms of but like if im hanging out in a group or something sometimes ill think what would happen if i just did ______ (jump up and dance, scream in someone's face, whatever) cool connection between min/max and this concept by the way.
    challenging social norms is okay by me.
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    "punch him where the sun don't shine" is going to be my new catchphrase.

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    the phrase reminds me of that movie Caligula

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    'Tisn't a very funny joke my man.

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    I'm going to punch you where the sun doesn't shine, and make you my hand-puppet!

    Now try to erase that image from your heads
    ...the human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure 'Victorian fictions'.

    INTp

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    Quote Originally Posted by Warlord
    I'm going to punch you where the sun doesn't shine, and make you my hand-puppet!

    Now try to erase that image from your heads
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    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    "punch him where the sun don't shine" is going to be my new catchphrase.

    "punching them in the face" is usually my solution to problems people come to me with. and i always threaten to punch you in the face.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    "punch him where the sun don't shine" is going to be my new catchphrase.

    "punching them in the face" is usually my solution to problems people come to me with. and i always threaten to punch you in the face.
    haha i usually say "stab you in the neck" just because it sounds funny
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    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    "punch him where the sun don't shine" is going to be my new catchphrase.

    "punching them in the face" is usually my solution to problems people come to me with. and i always threaten to punch you in the face.
    haha i usually say "stab you in the neck" just because it sounds funny

    im sometimes adding in body parts that would be extra painful to have something stabbed into
    SEE Unknown Subtype
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    [21:29] hitta: idealism is just the gap between the thought of death
    [21:29] hitta: and not dying
    .

  37. #37
    force my hand's Avatar
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    Default Re: i wanted to punch this ILI where the sun don't shine...

    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    By the way, if you made it to the end of this you're awesome :wink:
    Okay, what?

    The comic sounds hilarious, but I don't understand the ILI's reaction.

    You guys are weird.
    SLI/ISTp -- Te subtype

  38. #38
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    haha
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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  39. #39
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by liveandletlive
    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    "punch him where the sun don't shine" is going to be my new catchphrase.

    "punching them in the face" is usually my solution to problems people come to me with. and i always threaten to punch you in the face.
    haha i usually say "stab you in the neck" just because it sounds funny
    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd7htfeXCO4[/youtube]
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  40. #40
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    haha hell yeah!
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