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Thread: How to get a socially awkward IEI/INFp become more comfortable?

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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    Default How to get a socially awkward IEI/INFp become more comfortable?

    Hey guys, I've got a challenge in front of me with one of my INFp friends. Put simply, he's probably one of the most socially awkward people I know, so I've made an ongoing commitment with an ESTp and an ENFj to get him out of his socially awkward shell. One of the reasons for this is that he could probably get a ton of ass if he could just get over himself already! For example, if we're all out and doing normal things that teenagers do on a weekend, INFp is always very concerned that people he doesn't know are looking down on him specifically, when he's the by far the least obnoxious / suspicious-looking person in the group at the time. He also appears to have a hard time mingling with new people, which is problematic for obvious reasons, lol.

    So what we (Me, ENFj girl, ESTp guy) tried doing yesterday was to bring him everywhere with us. We ended up dragging him into two lingerie stores, the tampon and condom section of the drugstore, the softcore porno section of the bookstore, etc. The ENFj ended up flashing him like 357645646337693 times throughout the day, and he got that sheepish grin on his face while looking away, every time. A few other times, we had this ESFp guy act all flamboyant with him, which ended up being quite funny to watch. Basically, we're trying to expose him to things that stretch his comfort zone so that he stops being concerned with every little opinion that random people might possibly have of him. Are we taking the wrong approach here?

    Any suggestions as for how to help him become more comfortable? I really want to see him get less awkward, but I don't want to accidentally make it even worse. Thanks for the suggestions!
    , Se-sub
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    aka-kitsune's Avatar
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    Default Re: Surprise Buttsex!

    Quote Originally Posted by Herzy
    So what we (Me, ENFj girl, ESTp guy) tried doing yesterday was to bring him everywhere with us. We ended up dragging him into two lingerie stores, the tampon and condom section of the drugstore, the softcore porno section of the bookstore, etc. The ENFj ended up flashing him like 357645646337693 times throughout the day, and he got that sheepish grin on his face while looking away, every time. A few other times, we had this ESFp guy act all flamboyant with him, which ended up being quite funny to watch. Basically, we're trying to expose him to things that stretch his comfort zone so that he stops being concerned with every little opinion that random people might possibly have of him. Are we taking the wrong approach here?
    Sounds like you're trying immersion therapy with the poor INFp. We don't really respond well to that, btw. Too much expected at once. I've got this brand new ESF- friend who has taken it upon himself to de-inhibit me with regard to my sexual attitudes. He's suddenly my new "Life Coach"...

    Now, I think he's adorable and attractive, so I humor him as best I can, but he's forging into some really deep-seated beliefs and attitudes, and the walls aren't just going to fall because he thinks they should. It's occasionally uncomfortable for me as he keeps insisting I *need* to change this or that. I tend to feel like another should respect me and not imply that I'm somehow "wrong" as I am. And I firmly resist outside attempts to "control" or alter my comfort zones.

    Any suggestions as for how to help him become more comfortable? I really want to see him get less awkward, but I don't want to accidentally make it even worse. Thanks for the suggestions!
    I'd say you're *probably* not helping with the intense shock therapy. It's admirable that you're interested in helping him stretch the boundaries, but INFps can be delicate creatures with respect to their ideals. Sensitive to invasion. It's taken me quite a long time to become more comfortable and "deprogram" some of my concern with what others might perceive me as. Some of this, though, isn't simply concern for opinions, but it's really more about what I think of myself. I follow a kind of personal code, and that's not subject to change by anyone but me. I don't have to become an exhibitionist just to prove that I'm less concerned with others opinions.

    Try and be more gentle with him. Encourage him to stretch the boundaries more gradually. I'm certain he'd appreciate that. Don't push. A big part of the problem for me is another insisting what's "wrong" with me has to change. And change NOW. I'm more apt to change organically. Gradually. And still, it's really unlikely that I'm ever going to be uninibited enough to satisfy any ESF- !!
    socio: INFp - IEI
    ennea: 4w5 sp/sx

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    eliphalet's Avatar
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    Ehehe, surprise buttsecks

    Make it "Gradual buttsecks". Hyuck, hyuck.
    INFp

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    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
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    lmao... freshman year high school... a group of my friends tried the EXACT same thing on me. And it kind of worked?

    The trick is to be mature and adult about it. Don't be overbearing, and don't treat him like he's some sort of social freak. He'll just end up resenting your "therapy." Treat him as if he weren't so sensitive about these things - what will happen is he'll eventually grow into the role. A party/concert/eating out once a month over the course of a year is a hundred times better then the shock-therapy over the course of a week. In other words, if you ignore his social awkwardness, he will learn to do so, too.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    snegledmaca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    In other words, if you ignore his social awkwardness, he will learn to do so, too.
    I find this incredibly true.

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    Pulling him into various social situations might yield good results. Stick to small groups (crowds are daunting and overwhelming for I's), preferably with a few familiar faces but a few new ones too. Group outings with new people that he has to "warm up" to might help him overcome social discomfort. Shocking him in public may not tear down social barriers are well as consistent practice with real people in "safe", low-key situations.

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    dear forum... i wish i knew how to quit you!
    now, for some buttsecks...

    IEI - the nasty kind...

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    Just tie him to your bed and rape him already.

    If that doesn't work, I don't know what will.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Creepy-bg

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    I wish more girls would flash me. You're a good friend Herzy.

  12. #12
    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    Thanks for the advice, guys. I don't think it was really "intense shock therapy" because he did appear to be enjoying himself a bit, and plus it was only for a few hours that he was with us. I talked to him today for a while and he didn't seem to be too phased by our weirdness, really.

    I'll keep your suggestions in mind, though!
    , Se-sub
    8w8-3w8-7w8 sx/sx

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