Originally Posted by
Megan
Originally Posted by
Kristiina
I enjoy a group more than one to one socializing. In a group I can observe when I want to, but when it's just me and another person, I have to either talk or listen. And somehow I feel sorry when I say something that's brilliant, but only one person hears it, and she doesn't even appreciate it properly because she's too busy listening and nodding. Or even when I'm talking with an ISTj IRL, I end up trying too hard to create an atmosphere for a group of two. It takes so much energy, but it's difficult not to try. And I can't hold the Fe energy for long. Only 30-60 min. After that I act tired like it's early morning and I have just woken up. Besides, I often feel like me and the other person have to talk about something important, so that there is any point in having the conversation in the first place. But how many "important" topics can you come up with.
Kristiina though it is not quite the subject of this thread I have read what you have written above with quite a lot of interest and it sounds to me like creating an atmosphere is not something that you naturally do, it seems like you
try hard and work at it somehow rather than it being a part of your nature that just flows "organically". I always thought that (assuming that
has anything to do with generating atmosphere etc) people became rather energized and almost inspired by the use of their first function and not sort of tired and de-energized by using it. Am I wrong about this?
I think I associate the feeling of becoming tired after using a function for only a short time with the use of the weaker functions or even the 7th or 8th function.
I agree with you in theory. This is what I thought - creating the atmosphere should be so easy that I don't even think about it and I should never get tired of doing it. This is why it took so long for me to type myself as
dominant. But in this case it's the lesser of two evils - I'm not good at Fe, but I'm even worse at Fi.
I become even less energized when I'm forced to be in
/
mode for any longer than necessary. The only explanation I can give is that
is more about expressing every nuance of your real emotion rather than just creating the atmosphere. The atmosphere is the extra bonus. I could expressively voice my opinions for hours in a row if someone was there taking interest in it. But I get tired when I start looking for topics. The ISTj laughs and agrees and it's end of topic. I make a few more comments and the energy continues, but then she laughs and agrees, and the topic really dies. Now I need to find a new topic while avoiding the phrase "how about that weather". When we were sitting outside drinking cider, I think I actually made at least 5 temperature-related comments to fill the silence. Eventually it was still much more comfortable than it would have been with other types.
Expressing my emotions is very difficult to do in a way that it gives out the right emotional vibe. It is not something that can come naturally. The reaction that others give depends on your voice, body language, words, how fast you speak, who you look at when you talk, etc. There are too many conditionals. And how to control your own body language? Predicting the group's reaction to even the simplest of comments took years for me to learn and I still doubt my skills in the company of strangers. I'm shy around people who don't already have a clear opinion of me as a person and whose reactions are still unknown to me.
Originally Posted by
Megan
Attention-seeking and terrified of attention. "look at me, look at me.... they are looking at me *FREAK OUT*, stop looking at me, so I can stop trembling.".