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Thread: Romance styles: Aggressor and Childlike types

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    Default Romance styles: Aggressor and Childlike types

    Could people describe why this doesn't work (in the end)? I'm thinking more in an "erotic" sense. I have more of an idea why it doesn't work in non-erotic instances. Perhaps I could see it as an extension of that idea, but I would like real life examples.

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    I think an Infantile would consider an Aggressor a bit like a bull in a china shop, so to speak - the Aggressor might seem too clumsy, rough handed, too powerful etc. - Infantiles like a more careful, deliberate touch, rather than an all-out assault...they like there to be a slow 'dialogue' between the partners, rather than a fast, seemingly impulsive monologue.

    Look here if you haven't already :

    http://wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=Infantile

    [web:b6ac8dbe94]http://wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=Infantile[/web:b6ac8dbe94]
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    Default Re: Erotic attitudes- Infantile and Aggressor

    Quote Originally Posted by hkkmr
    When a aggressor tries to exert control, I think it might proceed a lot like aggressor-victim, however, the infantile doesn't really "submit" and if forced to submit will feel violated/vulnerable.

    In the end both sides feel like it was a lot of work for nothing.
    In my experience...the infantile freaks out 10 times louder than the aggressor, when he does freak out, and it's scarier than an aggressor freaking out.
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    Default Re: Erotic attitudes- Infantile and Aggressor

    Quote Originally Posted by hkkmr
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    In my experience...the infantile freaks out 10 times louder than the aggressor, when he does freak out, and it's scarier than an aggressor freaking out.
    No means no.
    I'd say one of the problems is when the aggressor is trying to get an "aggressor-victim"-act started e.g. by teasing the infantile. Instead of playing along the infantile might get offended. Aggressor might think this is not about "really getting offended but just acting offended" and keep pushing harder which would lead to a rather ugly situation (either the infantile feeling bad or hitting the aggressor with a blunt object). I think this is bad for the aggressor too as they cannot really feel "powerful" with infantiles because they are forced to a more caregiving role. They are tamed sort of. They will lose their "predator touch" if they stay in that situation too long. Like a caged lion in the zoo.

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    Default Re: Erotic attitudes- Infantile and Aggressor

    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    Quote Originally Posted by hkkmr
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    In my experience...the infantile freaks out 10 times louder than the aggressor, when he does freak out, and it's scarier than an aggressor freaking out.
    No means no.
    I'd say one of the problems is when the aggressor is trying to get an "aggressor-victim"-act started e.g. by teasing the infantile. Instead of playing along the infantile might get offended. Aggressor might think this is not about "really getting offended but just acting offended" and keep pushing harder which would lead to a rather ugly situation (either the infantile feeling bad or hitting the aggressor with a blunt object). I think this is bad for the aggressor too as they cannot really feel "powerful" with infantiles because they are forced to a more caregiving role. They are tamed sort of. They will lose their "predator touch" if they stay in that situation too long. Like a caged lion in the zoo.
    now i'm starting to sound like an infantile since i've experienced this stuff with an aggressor...

    also i think that people feeling "Powerful" in relationships is kind of sick? Why would a sane person be like that? I wouldn't want anybody to feel "powerful" towards me, wtf
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    Default Re: Erotic attitudes- Infantile and Aggressor

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    Quote Originally Posted by hkkmr
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    In my experience...the infantile freaks out 10 times louder than the aggressor, when he does freak out, and it's scarier than an aggressor freaking out.
    No means no.
    I'd say one of the problems is when the aggressor is trying to get an "aggressor-victim"-act started e.g. by teasing the infantile. Instead of playing along the infantile might get offended. Aggressor might think this is not about "really getting offended but just acting offended" and keep pushing harder which would lead to a rather ugly situation (either the infantile feeling bad or hitting the aggressor with a blunt object). I think this is bad for the aggressor too as they cannot really feel "powerful" with infantiles because they are forced to a more caregiving role. They are tamed sort of. They will lose their "predator touch" if they stay in that situation too long. Like a caged lion in the zoo.
    now i'm starting to sound like an infantile since i've experienced this stuff with an aggressor...

    also i think that people feeling "Powerful" in relationships is kind of sick? Why would a sane person be like that? I wouldn't want anybody to feel "powerful" towards me, wtf
    Actually I'm not sure if I'm describing aggressor-infantile or victim-infantile. Victims can be very pushy when they are trying to get the aggressor out of the poor other person. If the person is not interested they are probably offended.

    Let me try again...aggressor is mainly interested in what they want for themselves. For infantile this should be conflicting because they want pretty much the same thing. So at first infantile is admired by the attention as they think they are the precious one. Eventually they will find out that they are seen as an object and feel used. Victims secretly want to be used as an object. Infantiles definately don't. It might be that the emotional consequences are more severe than the sex is bad.

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    Why do you make me paranoid by thinking that now aggressors are concerned only by what they want for themselves :S shall i break up right now with my girlfriend :S

    I mean what if I want just to live free happy and unfettered by power dynamics, games, up-down, push-pull?
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Why do you make me paranoid by thinking that now aggressors are concerned only by what they want for themselves :S shall i break up right now with my girlfriend :S

    I mean what if I want just to live free happy and unfettered by power dynamics, games, up-down, push-pull?
    Let's go back to basics.

    Aggressor knows very well what they want. Victims don't. Victims hesitate. So aggressor shows victim that what the aggressor wants is exactly what the victim wants. Victim accepts the aggressor's want as their own. How does this make you feel? Good or bad?

    Infantile is very needy and careful type is there to meet those needs. Careful knows how to satisfy the infantile and gets satisfaction from being able to "deliver". How does this make you feel?

    Which is more you? What is your role?

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    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Why do you make me paranoid by thinking that now aggressors are concerned only by what they want for themselves :S shall i break up right now with my girlfriend :S

    I mean what if I want just to live free happy and unfettered by power dynamics, games, up-down, push-pull?
    Let's go back to basics.

    Aggressor knows very well what they want. Victims don't. Victims hesitate. So aggressor shows victim that what the aggressor wants is exactly what the victim wants. Victim accepts the aggressor's want as their own. How does this make you feel? Good or bad?
    Okay in small daily matters like, where to go for dinner, when to go out. Very bad for big decisions (especially in taking initiative in romantic matters; i've also had aggressors trying to "get me back" the way you describe by thinking I was hesitating whereas it's perfectly clear for me what I want when I want it). But thinking about the victim aggressor couples, i have seen some where this plays out clearly, and some others where it seems like they're on equal terms.

    I have been hit on by aggressor women and I found it kind of tacky generally. And what about taking initiative in kissing/sex/etc?I've seen aggressor women preaching taking initiative! No-no! I must be the one taking all the initiative otherwise it doesn't please me much.

    Infantile is very needy and careful type is there to meet those needs. Careful knows how to satisfy the infantile and gets satisfaction from being able to "deliver". How does this make you feel?
    I think I can take care of myself, except for emotional needs. I wouldn't feel bad being taken care of, but I don't know, I probably don't really need it?
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    huh me and my estp ex had awesome sex for years :wink:

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze
    huh me and my estp ex had awesome sex for years :wink:
    you don't count

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    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze
    huh me and my estp ex had awesome sex for years :wink:
    you don't count

    hahahahaha why not??!!

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Seems like the names of the attitudes are taken too literally too me.



    In my Infantile/Aggressor relationship it is very subtle, but noticable. Hard to explain...could if I really thought it out but I won't do that unless someone is interested.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    Seems like the names of the attitudes are taken too literally too me.
    Really. Sex drive makes people not behave the same way they do at work or when they interact with children.

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    Some stuff in this topic just seems off... But I have some stuff to say about the relationships, at least from an Ep type.

    Infantile - Agressor
    These relationships actually start off very good, because of the energy. They have a lot of fun together, at least before it's too intimate. When the relationships progresses, if it becomes more intimate, the Aggressor starts to see the Infantile as as a possession, which causes the Infantile to feel boxed in. If the aggressor is more into the Infantile, then they'll start to make advances which the Infantile will be at a lost to respond to. Not wanting to offend the aggressor and at the same time, not trying to appear more interested than they really are, the infantile will start to withdraw and become very very fickle.
    If they are both into each other, then they'll get together. Eventually, the Infantile will start to feel that the Aggressor is making mountains out of mole-hills and the Aggressor will become aggravated with the Infantile's capricious whims...

    Infantile - Victim
    These relationships are good in that they allow both partners to be just as weird and out-there as they can be. It's a much better relationship when there's an audience. By themselves, the energy is too unstable. Like sometimes, it's perfectly exciting and fun, and other times, it becomes so so dreadfully boring.
    The problem comes when the Infantile realizes how inactive the Victim is. The Infantile tries to get into everything and becomes agitated when they perceive the victim is holding them back. The Infantile runs circles around the victim and gets mad when they realize that the Victim doesn't care at all to keep up.
    Conversations range from "WTF YAY!!!" to "WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?"

    These are mostly with the irrational types... And I can't particualry remember any Caring types, so i can't write anything...
    -----
    I really wouldn't describe Infantiles as needy, as they're usually very independent. What they need is someone responsive to their craziness and stuff like that. They want to be able to feel unique and energetic, not weird or held in/held back. They also want someone who will be into their interest or at least pretend to be interested, at least initially. When somebody is un-curious about almost everything, they get extremely agitated. They want to be able to enjoy their time, rather than be forced to do something unfulfilling yet full of reward. They get annoyed when they perceive that someone is trying to fit some objective standard, or trying to appear normal.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThePeddler
    I really wouldn't describe Infantiles as needy, as they're usually very independent. What they need is someone responsive to their craziness and stuff like that. They want to be able to feel unique and energetic, not weird or held in/held back. They also want someone who will be into their interest or at least pretend to be interested, at least initially. When somebody is un-curious about almost everything, they get extremely agitated. They want to be able to enjoy their time, rather than be forced to do something unfulfilling yet full of reward. They get annoyed when they perceive that someone is trying to fit some objective standard, or trying to appear normal.
    love this. very accurate IMO.
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    Quote Originally Posted by detail
    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    Seems like the names of the attitudes are taken too literally too me.
    Really. Sex drive makes people not behave the same way they do at work or when they interact with children.
    haha

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