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Thread: Depressed ENFp

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    Default Depressed ENFp

    I'm in fucking despair. Not even sure why.

    But disregard all of the above. My real intent is to figure out how other ENFps deal with the blues.

    I personally have booked myself a one way flight to a bigger, better, badder city. In the hopes I can forget all this TV drama and make a new start of it all. Here's to greener pastures, eh?

    I'm not looking for advice or sympathetic platitudes. More an insight into how others have coped with the quarter life crisis blues.

    ~ NeonMonk
    Last edited by NeonMonk; 08-16-2009 at 06:43 PM.
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    There are no easy answers - that's the worst part.

    It sounds like the best way for you to break out of a funk and feel some zest for life is being with another person. So if you're not with someone, you can work towards that goal, and in the meantime use it as inspiration to find ways in which to improve yourself to better your odds at success. Sounds flippant, but shit dude, it may be exactly the thing.
    SLI/ISTp -- Te subtype

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    Default Re: Depressed ENFp

    Yeah I've definitely been there. I think these moments of depression are so much worse for ENFPs than a lot of other types. I'm not sure why that is, but other types seem to get less down, or have less of a "range" of up and down.

    Anyway, for me, the social aspect is usually what causes it. All sorts of other things can be crappy, but if I don't have at least a few best friends or close relationships I freak out and think "what is the point???" When that happened my instinct was to move across country alone and make a whole new life. But then I applied for a huge number of jobs in that city and didn't get any interviews. And then I was really pissed. Because then my social life and job life were both crappy.

    Okay, but in spite of that time really sucking, it was the best. It forced me to figure out what I really wanted, as lonely and pissed off as I was. I thought of it as having to burn down an old ugly building so I could build a new one. So you kinda have to let your old life disinigrate (which is ovbiously really depressing). Letting go of the friends you don't "get" anymore. The bars that used to be so fun and thrilling and now are just smoky empty places where no one interesting goes. The job you never liked anyway. The people who are just mean to you. Just let it all go. Watch it go up in ugly smoke. And you're left with nothing. Just yourself.

    And then when the dust settles, you start re-building. And that is where it all starts to look nice again. And you happen to stumble onto a better career. This time, your dreams career. Not just something to get by. And you randomly meet a few amazing people, pick up a couple new hobbies. Remember a talent you had that you haven't used in a while. And the next thing you know, you're back to kicking ass. And everything looks shiney again!!

    It really helped me that I had at least a couple of people who would build me up again and remind me of the ways that I didn't suck. I think ENFPs can be overly tough on ourselves.

    Other things that really helped were: getting enough protein, remembering to eat, getting some sun and exercise, forcing myself to go out even if I was like "what's the point", etc.

    It's also a good time to do creative things and put all that crappy emotion into something useful.
    Last edited by jewels; 08-16-2009 at 08:46 PM.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    I have seen something like this happen to an ENFp, and for the longest time everybody tried to help with zero result. The only things that seemed to work a little were talking with people who had similar problems and changes in scenery. Eventually it started to get better.
    My guess is finding a girl you like as much or more than her would heal you, but depressed people aren't the most attractive and idealization might prevent you from looking at other girls.
    I wonder if the girls who would be attracted to the "guy with problems" (aka little red cross syndrome) are likely to be ISTps.
    LSI

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    Default Re: Depressed ENFp

    Quote Originally Posted by NeonMonk

    I personally have booked myself a one way flight to a bigger, better, badder city. In the hopes I can forget all this TV drama and make a new start of it all. Here's to greener pastures, eh?
    Dealing with depression the ENFp way, eh? Good for you!

    I have just come out of yucky depressive/anxiety-riddled phase and what helped me was
    to refocus. I would have moved but I am stuck here for the next two years, so I can totally relate to the moving plans. Instead, I made plans
    to work towards something to feel purposeful again.

    I remember that my wild partying days at some point began to feel different and "old." I started to really focus on my studies and on moving
    to the States. After a while here, things began to feel stifling and "old" again and this time, I could not make a major change. But I have been feeling better since a) I stopped interacting with people who kept dragging me down with their pessimism and miserable outlook on life and b) making plans (this time it is spend time in Africa - the more the better) and work towards them. ENFps need change and stimulation unless they are truly content with the life they have.

    So I think moving is a great idea as long as you make sure that it really makes you feel better. From ENFp to ENFp: Work, make money, and go on a world tour. What are you Australian for, mate??

    Good to read you!
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Default Re: Depressed ENFp

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels

    It really helped me that I had at least a couple of people who would build me up again and remind me of the ways that I didn't suck. I think ENFPs can be overly tough on ourselves.
    Yes! I recommend a few (Fi) ESFps! :wink:
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Great Advice Jewels & Kim!!

    Yep. I know you dont want sympathy. I wouldn't either. Take comfort in the fact that this is not unusual for ENFp's. I know an ENFp girl whos stressed and sad but now doing ok. I heard a few days ago that the most amazing little ENFp girl from my old work ive ever met is suffering from post natal depression. Im no stranger to it either.

    We dont settle down like others. We ask a lot from ourselves and life. You are sad and suffering from stagnation. Its like an alarm bell telling you to start taking action. I just joined the gym with a friend and thats been great. Perhaps its our purpose in life to re-invent ourselves like the pheonix.

    Its just a cycle. Soon you will feel great again when interesting things come around. The cycle continues.

    Im assuming your moving to Sydney?
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    I go thru pretty severe cycles myself. I'm not sure exactly what brings me out of them...I guess just knowing that that feeling won't last forever and that you never know what tommorow will bring is what keeps me going. I guess there's always something to look forward to...just being in the company of others and getting 'out of my head' helps me a lot. But nothing anyone really says will change it for you, i myself wish it were that easy. It's up to you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Perhaps its our purpose in life to re-invent ourselves like the pheonix.

    Im assuming your moving to Sydney?
    That's kinda funny as I have a tattoo of a Phoenix on my back. The Phoenix is my power animal. =)

    I'm fairly confident I'll get out of this rut. I certainly wasn't looking for sympathy or advice. I was more just interested in how other people, especially ENFps dealt with it and their experiences. It takes these moments to reassess your life and make positive changes (or in my case huge life changing ones )

    *hugs Kimmy*

    Funny to hear how ENFps tend to just pack it up and move away when we get to this point. Glad that I'm not alone on that one!! Haha.

    I'm moving to Melbourne actually... love it there. Plenty of work there too. Lots of pubs and live music. Really enjoyed myself the last time I was there. It'll be great to have a fresh start where no one knows my face. =)

    ~NeonMonk
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    Action and Change. Seems like you have the right idea to me. I really like melbourne aswell, the people there are so laid back. You go into a place and people just come up and start chatting.
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Well at least you have the ability and the ...courage ? to pick up and move. Nothing harder to live with than being somewhere you completely despise surrounded by people you despise. That seems to be the main source of my problems but can't seem to do anything about it so maybe you're on the right track. I've always admired people who can pack up and leave without looking back. How exactly is that possible? I'm just about ready to try it myself.

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    I've been there too - as far as depression goes. A new move will do you good. New things, new people, new opportunities. Just the right way to change things up and start over.

    Good luck!
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Yeah it does take balls to do it i think. I dont seem to have what it takes either. Life can get stagnant but im still shit scared to leave all the people i know to go somewhere new. In 2 years i will live overseas i hope though.

    ISTp's can do it quite effortlessly ive noticed. My ISTp friend told me two days ago hes going to live in England at Xmas.
    Other one up and lived in another state at age 20 but hes back here now.
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Yeah it does take balls to do it i think. I dont seem to have what it takes either. Life can get stagnant but im still shit scared to leave all the people i know to go somewhere new. In 2 years i will live overseas i hope though.

    ISTp's can do it quite effortlessly ive noticed. My ISTp friend told me two days ago hes going to live in England at Xmas.
    Other one up and lived in another state at age 20 but hes back here now.
    Where do you plan on moving overseas? I have major seperation anxiety. I seriously can't even stay in a hotel alone for more than a day. I had to go on a road trip by myself less than an hour from home and I was a crying mess....honestly. It's pathetic : (

    (i've noticed i'm quite the thread de-railer, sorry..)

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    Maybe it's cuz you didn't have anything to entertain yourself with?

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    Where do you plan on moving overseas? I have major seperation anxiety. I seriously can't even stay in a hotel alone for more than a day. I had to go on a road trip by myself less than an hour from home and I was a crying mess....honestly. It's pathetic : (

    (i've noticed i'm quite the thread de-railer, sorry..)
    I dont think Neon minds about this threads small decourse. I handle being away from home quite well. Its getting up that motivation and courage to do it though. Im thinking about England. My dad was born there so i can get citizenship. Its like so close to Europe i can then check that out aswell. America would also be nice to visit too. If go there and im still on this forum i will say hi to some of you!

    Im watching United 93 right now and i dont really feel like flying. Its a pretty intense movie
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard
    Maybe it's cuz you didn't have anything to entertain yourself with?
    Yeah, one of the most frightening things for me is to be alone and have nothing to do other than think. I don't know why. It's quite paralyzing at times and not quite sure how i'll ever survive if i actually have to live alone.

    But yeah, good luck with the move Meatburger. If you head to the States, stay in the south

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard
    Maybe it's cuz you didn't have anything to entertain yourself with?
    Yeah, one of the most frightening things for me is to be alone and have nothing to do other than think. I don't know why. It's quite paralyzing at times and not quite sure how i'll ever survive if i actually have to live alone.
    Yeah thinking too much is pretty shitty. Being alone is a fear of everyones but i think we will be ok.

    But yeah, good luck with the move Meatburger. If you head to the States, stay in the south
    "Frankly my dear, i dont give a damn" where i go i say as i chew on a peice of straw. Can i go line Dancing?

    All of America sounds pretty intriging. Thats why im reluctant to go as it will cost me an utter fortune. Canada would be nice too. If i struck it really rich i recon i would love to do a world trip *Sigh*. No point wishing me luck though as its just all figment of my imagination for the moment. Its Neon we need to wish luck to. He wont need it tho :wink:
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    I dont think Neon minds about this threads small decourse.
    That was the whole point of the thread!

    I've been planning to get away from this place for quite a while and it's always been a girl that's kept me here. But not this time! My friends are trying to get me to stay but I've made up my mind now. Booked the flight when I was feeling lower than low and I'm not going back on it now! Have quit my job and informed everyone I know. Planning on going away and more importantly - planning a huge going away party

    There's definitely people I'll miss... trying to get them to come with me! But I know they won't. That girl I said I loved, she was going to come with me, run away from her dysfunctional relationship and join me in Melbourne. But alas that's not going to happen. Just as all my friends who say they'll come visit me isn't going to happen either.

    But I'm kind of glad you know, I relish in a challenge and I love meeting new people. A whole city full of new people? Sign me up

    Something had to give. And I'm glad it did.
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    That's awesome, haha. How much i'd love to do that one day. I still think about forgetting everything and heading to Vegas but those are just dreams, hehe. Good luck with everything :wink:

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    personally in the past i've found hanging out, one-on-one with friends that have been through emotional turmoil, and don't see it as a bad thing so will actually be glad to put up with, and even appreciate your emotional honesty, is a good way to start getting out of a rut... i get the "everything's fake, including me" thing too when I'm depressed.... I think it's important to take some time to chill with a friend that won't make you feel like you have to act fake. I've actually discussed similar things with an ENFp acquaintence I have in rl and it seemed he benefitted from this tactic as much as me. it's good to have a genuine uncensored conversation once in a while, the kind that's impossible to have in groups where gossip and cheap vanity lurk around every corner.
    INFp-Ni

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed ENFp

    Dude, are you a Modest Mouse fan?!
    Last edited by ScarlettLux; 08-16-2009 at 10:26 PM.


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    Edited for Pansyness
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Default Re: Depressed ENFp

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Dude, are you a Modest Mouse fan?!
    Of course.

    I wondered if anyone would pick up on the reference.
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    wtf... you can't be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder off a post about feeling depressed. Who wouldn't feel depressed after breaking up with someone. Good grief. Ridiculous.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Loki
    wtf... you can't be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder off a post about feeling depressed. Who wouldn't feel depressed after breaking up with someone. Good grief. Ridiculous.
    Haha I concur. I wonder what kind of personality disorder you could be attributed with for running around diagnosing people with personality disorders?
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    meatburger's Avatar
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    WTF. Real psychology does not involve diagnosing people with disorders they dont have
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Jesus is the cruel sausage consentingadult's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loki
    wtf... you can't be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder off a post about feeling depressed. Who wouldn't feel depressed after breaking up with someone. Good grief. Ridiculous.
    You need to learn to read, and especially learn how not to read the the things that aren't there.
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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult
    Quote Originally Posted by Loki
    wtf... you can't be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder off a post about feeling depressed. Who wouldn't feel depressed after breaking up with someone. Good grief. Ridiculous.
    You need to learn to read, and especially learn how not to read the the things that aren't there.
    True. You didn't actually say he had NPD. And granted you didn't say he had narcissistic psychopathology either, just that the depressive symptoms he described are "typical" of that. Happy?

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    dude you gotta pull a columbine
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