How do you become less serious?

[meatburger]

Ok, so you are saying that serious people have less ability to enjoy merriness for the sake of it.

The word "ability" still has the bias of your own point of view all over it.

Why not say "less need" or "less inclination" or "less desire"? With "ability", you are implying it's something desirable. For you, yes. Not necessarily to others.

Yeah! I think Potato gets it well now though. Nah i cant say they like weird humour as my ENTj friend and i used to come up with some pretty damn weird stuff. I think im turning into an Fi/Fe thing so im gonna stop

[Ezra]

Don't, people will just laugh at - I repeat at - you if you attempt to become less serious. Stay serious and revel in your seriousness. You'll reap the rewards less serious people never even dreamed of.

[Elro]

Meh... imo, in life if you just do whatever you think comes most naturally to you, you'll probably be most comfortable.

[Expat]

Meh... imo, in life if you just do whatever you think comes most naturally to you, you'll probably be most comfortable.

Not necessarily to everyone.

Once I went to a party organized by a guy I had known for 12 years; other people whom I hadn't seen for a time would also be there. It was the kind of party I don't like, and I was in a very bad period of my life, so I went not because it would be "fun" but because I would meet some specific people. So I didn't join the "fun", remained quite serious and even gloomy, without -as I thought - bothering anyone; however, a woman whom I had also known for 12 years lashed out at me saying that I was spoiling everyone else's mood, and that I could at least "try to have some fun, you're not even trying". Apparently just ignoring me was too difficult.

[PotatoSpirit]

The word "ability" still has the bias of your own point of view all over it.

I used ability both for the merry and the serious, if it's biased it's biased both ways and that doesn't really make sense.
"weird stuff" was supposed to be biased... but as a joke.

Why not say "less need" or "less inclination" or "less desire"? With "ability", you are implying it's something desirable. For you, yes. Not necessarily to others.

Well I can go beyond implying it: I think it's desirable to draw pleasure from something, no matter if it is shallow merriness or a serious discussion. I am able to draw pleasure from the first and not so much from the second.

[mustachio]

eunice, you sound stressed out. maybe joining in club activities will help you decompress a little. do you have a boyfriend? one could come in handy at times. but imo the answer always lies inside of you. when i'm really stressed, i go work out and exhaust myself. and through it all, i'm still serious. i'll play squash with a friend of mine and put every effort in, well, squashing the competition. i'll go to the gym and will only feel good if i've completely exhausted my muscles. all this activity releases a natural drug throughout my body and i'll be calm and relaxed, i'll go to bed without any worries because i extinguished them at the gym. maybe you should try meditation, fencing or a theatre club. or simply writing down your emotions on a piece of paper.

[Creepy-bg]

I can help with the medication :wink:

[force my hand]

I can help with the medication :wink:

Make her silly as a goose!

[mustachio]

I can help with the medication :wink:

Make her silly as a goose!

watch out! first time's free but next he charges you 20 bucks a pop!

[Creepy-bg]

I can help with the medication :wink:

Make her silly as a goose!

watch out! first time's free but next he charges you 20 bucks a pop!

shhh! we don't need to go into that now... :wink:

[Not A Communist Shill]

educational video...

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=8FxAF2Oyhfc[/youtube]

[UDP]

In some not-very-pleasant periods in my life, people kept trying to drag me to parties or the like, to make me "have fun and feel better". I always declined, because I knew that not only it would not work, but my own gloominess would annoy them and make them think that I "wasn't even trying".

So, do not think in terms of "what good comes out of it". Try to imagine that it is simply different for others, and accept it, and that your own behavior is as odd to them as theirs is to you.

Consider this, though -- when serious people are happy, laughing, etc, it's because they really are.

My sentiments, almost exactly.

[olduser]

Once I went to a party organized by a guy I had known for 12 years; other people whom I hadn't seen for a time would also be there. It was the kind of party I don't like, and I was in a very bad period of my life, so I went not because it would be "fun" but because I would meet some specific people. So I didn't join the "fun", remained quite serious and even gloomy, without -as I thought - bothering anyone; however, a woman whom I had also known for 12 years lashed out at me saying that I was spoiling everyone else's mood, and that I could at least "try to have some fun, you're not even trying". Apparently just ignoring me was too difficult.

i've been in similar situations. I've noticed it only takes one such experience and most of your friends will give you necessary alone time and of course-- talk bad about you at all possible occasions after such an experience until you've recovered. then it's all smiles! yay/!

[Expat]

i've been in similar situations. I've noticed it only takes one such experience and most of your friends will give you necessary alone time and of course-- talk bad about you at all possible occasions after such an experience until you've recovered. then it's all smiles! yay/!

Not in this case, since I cut off all contact with that particular woman. That's not my definition of what a "friend" is.

Sort of baffled at her reaction, two days later I called her to ask her if I had offended her somehow. She wasn't conciliatory at all and said that the problem was that I wasn't "normal". So, I never spoke to her again.

[Mea]

i've been in similar situations. I've noticed it only takes one such experience and most of your friends will give you necessary alone time and of course-- talk bad about you at all possible occasions after such an experience until you've recovered. then it's all smiles! yay/!

Not in this case, since I cut off all contact with that particular woman. That's not my definition of what a "friend" is.

Sort of baffled at her reaction, two days later I called her to ask her if I had offended her somehow. She wasn't conciliatory at all and said that the problem was that I wasn't "normal". So, I never spoke to her again.

Experienced the same. And I absolutely agree with the bolded part.

[eunice]

Why do you feel you need to be bubbly and crazy? What is it you sense you are missing?

I believe that these are considered desirable traits in women: cute, bubbly, fun-loving, talk with a sing song voice and the likes. Others have commented how monotonous I sounded even though I thought that I'm already as emotionally expressive as I can get, how assertive and forceful I am when I'm defending my beliefs, and my tendency to take care of my inner feelings and thoughts rather than participate in creating a positive mood in a social gathering (basically the same way as Expat has described about the party event). Their comments made me conscious of how I had presented myself to others, and it also dawned on me that perhaps I have been treating life too seriously so far.

Only if you think merriness is a good thing in the first place. If one was not naturally disposed to merriness, such behaviour would possibly be an indication that something was seriously wrong.

I guess I need to rephrase: why don't you think merry is better in the first place? What good comes out of being serious?

It's not whether which one is better, it's more like which one you are inclined to be. My motivation of been serious is due to my belief that opportunity only comes once in a lifetime, so you either do your utmost best or screw up completely. No matter how much fun and enjoyment you have, you will ultimately be judged by the results you have produced.

[jessica129]

Dunno about you, but i steer clear of men who are only interested in the bubbly, talk-non-stop idiot girls. Do you really want a guy (or even a friend) who's into that? They're about as amusing as a rock themselves.

[Mea]

I believe that these are considered desirable traits in women: cute, bubbly, fun-loving, talk with a sing song voice and the likes.

LOL! Ok. Way too much influence from the Jap & Taiwan media. Those traits aren't desirable to everyone.

[olduser]

there is a girl i think is really cute around town. she's people-oriented, but in a clever way. The sort of girl who can charm all people, but she doesn't really try to charm me. I love to watch her little performances. she made me laugh out loud once. she's not interested in me though. I think she prefers more masculine men. I think it has to do with her actually being kind of 'cool.' or something. I'm very uncool and most of my jokes are not funny, and when i try to be nice to people i say really stupid stuff. i had a terrible day, and realized that a gene in my dna just expressed itself and that was the 'failure' gene. I have been religiously studying my chemistry text and can not answer any of the problems off of the practice exam. i am trying not to give up but i think i may simply be an idiot. perhaps it would be best to experiment with this thought now before i waste more time and money.

i've been thinking to myself. what kind of person would trouble themselves with someone obsessed by their own worries? What kind of man wastes his life worrying and living in self-doubt? I've tried every possible method. I live a healthy, rational lifestyle and still am filled with gnawing obsessive thoughts. It may be a psychological disorder caused by neurochemical imbalances. if that is so, then i accept that and will do nothing to change it.

i'm very pitiful.

[rockclimber]

Why do you feel you need to be bubbly and crazy? What is it you sense you are missing?

I believe that these are considered desirable traits in women: cute, bubbly, fun-loving, talk with a sing song voice and the likes.

I understand where you are coming from eunice. For a long time I thought I had to be exactly what you described, but I just... can't. Trying to act that way all the time is exhausting. It just isn't me. I don't care if people think I'm too serious, boring, or intimidating (yeah... I'm told I'm intimidating all the time ).

[UDP]

Why do you feel you need to be bubbly and crazy? What is it you sense you are missing?

I believe that these are considered desirable traits in women: cute, bubbly, fun-loving, talk with a sing song voice and the likes.

I understand where you are coming from eunice. For a long time I thought I had to be exactly what you described, but I just... can't. Trying to act that way all the time is exhausting. It just isn't me. I don't care if people think I'm too serious, boring, or intimidating (yeah... I'm told I'm intimidating all the time ).

I know you're a cuddly ball of of sweetness, RC

[rockclimber]

Why do you feel you need to be bubbly and crazy? What is it you sense you are missing?

I believe that these are considered desirable traits in women: cute, bubbly, fun-loving, talk with a sing song voice and the likes.

I understand where you are coming from eunice. For a long time I thought I had to be exactly what you described, but I just... can't. Trying to act that way all the time is exhausting. It just isn't me. I don't care if people think I'm too serious, boring, or intimidating (yeah... I'm told I'm intimidating all the time ).

I know you're a cuddly ball of of sweetness, RC

[UDP]

LSE making an EII blush - socionics at its best.

[jessica129]

there is a girl i think is really cute around town. she's people-oriented, but in a clever way. The sort of girl who can charm all people, but she doesn't really try to charm me. I love to watch her little performances. she made me laugh out loud once. she's not interested in me though. I think she prefers more masculine men. I think it has to do with her actually being kind of 'cool.' or something. I'm very uncool and most of my jokes are not funny, and when i try to be nice to people i say really stupid stuff. i had a terrible day, and realized that a gene in my dna just expressed itself and that was the 'failure' gene. I have been religiously studying my chemistry text and can not answer any of the problems off of the practice exam. i am trying not to give up but i think i may simply be an idiot. perhaps it would be best to experiment with this thought now before i waste more time and money.

i've been thinking to myself. what kind of person would trouble themselves with someone obsessed by their own worries? What kind of man wastes his life worrying and living in self-doubt? I've tried every possible method. I live a healthy, rational lifestyle and still am filled with gnawing obsessive thoughts. It may be a psychological disorder caused by neurochemical imbalances. if that is so, then i accept that and will do nothing to change it.

i'm very pitiful.

I never know when if you're being sarcastic or not.

[eunice]

eunice, you sound stressed out. maybe joining in club activities will help you decompress a little. do you have a boyfriend? one could come in handy at times. but imo the answer always lies inside of you. when i'm really stressed, i go work out and exhaust myself. and through it all, i'm still serious. i'll play squash with a friend of mine and put every effort in, well, squashing the competition. i'll go to the gym and will only feel good if i've completely exhausted my muscles. all this activity releases a natural drug throughout my body and i'll be calm and relaxed, i'll go to bed without any worries because i extinguished them at the gym. maybe you should try meditation, fencing or a theatre club. or simply writing down your emotions on a piece of paper.

I guess you are right about me been stressed out. I'm going through a major life transition at the moment and suddenly the future seems uncertain to me. Everything doesn't seem to make sense after I have graduated.

[Ezra]

there is a girl i think is really cute around town. she's people-oriented, but in a clever way. The sort of girl who can charm all people, but she doesn't really try to charm me. I love to watch her little performances. she made me laugh out loud once. she's not interested in me though. I think she prefers more masculine men. I think it has to do with her actually being kind of 'cool.' or something. I'm very uncool and most of my jokes are not funny, and when i try to be nice to people i say really stupid stuff. i had a terrible day, and realized that a gene in my dna just expressed itself and that was the 'failure' gene. I have been religiously studying my chemistry text and can not answer any of the problems off of the practice exam. i am trying not to give up but i think i may simply be an idiot. perhaps it would be best to experiment with this thought now before i waste more time and money.

i've been thinking to myself. what kind of person would trouble themselves with someone obsessed by their own worries? What kind of man wastes his life worrying and living in self-doubt? I've tried every possible method. I live a healthy, rational lifestyle and still am filled with gnawing obsessive thoughts. It may be a psychological disorder caused by neurochemical imbalances. if that is so, then i accept that and will do nothing to change it.

i'm very pitiful.

Human (6) doubts of a rejected guy. It's totally normal to feel feelings of inadequacy if you've been rejected/are getting ignored.

Best advice: get on with life. You'll find someone. Do you realise, heath, that I have trouble with girls because all of those I am attracted to are into more feminine guys? Maybe we should swap places.

[meatburger]

there is a girl i think is really cute around town. she's people-oriented, but in a clever way. The sort of girl who can charm all people, but she doesn't really try to charm me. I love to watch her little performances. she made me laugh out loud once. she's not interested in me though. I think she prefers more masculine men. I think it has to do with her actually being kind of 'cool.' or something. I'm very uncool and most of my jokes are not funny, and when i try to be nice to people i say really stupid stuff. i had a terrible day, and realized that a gene in my dna just expressed itself and that was the 'failure' gene. I have been religiously studying my chemistry text and can not answer any of the problems off of the practice exam. i am trying not to give up but i think i may simply be an idiot. perhaps it would be best to experiment with this thought now before i waste more time and money.

i've been thinking to myself. what kind of person would trouble themselves with someone obsessed by their own worries? What kind of man wastes his life worrying and living in self-doubt? I've tried every possible method. I live a healthy, rational lifestyle and still am filled with gnawing obsessive thoughts. It may be a psychological disorder caused by neurochemical imbalances. if that is so, then i accept that and will do nothing to change it.

i'm very pitiful.

Human (6) doubts of a rejected guy. It's totally normal to feel feelings of inadequacy if you've been rejected/are getting ignored.

Best advice: get on with life. You'll find someone. Do you realise, heath, that I have trouble with girls because all of those I am attracted to are into more feminine guys? Maybe we should swap places.

Yeah we are often attracted to people who are wrong for us. Theres something attractive about someone who doesn't want you. Ive noticed quite a large number of supervisor relationships perhaps for this reason. Pretty much every girl thats hit on me i have ignored. Heaths just going through a down stage. When your feeling like that you cant think for shit.

INFj's need to just to chill out sometimes. Kick back stop thinking.

[olduser]

anyway, that post was kind of serious. i have really bad days where all my work and everything i've been building dies and i get really angry with myself for failing myself. the girl is still great, but entitely disinterested(though, to ezra: i have not been rejected. I haven't even been really emotive or flirtatious with the girl, but i am unusually perceptive about situations and don't like to take unecessary and potentially embarassing risks, especially with people i will have to see regularly no matter what). school is better, i've been seeing one of my professors for extra help and to build more confidence.

[force my hand]

No man can learn the value of his life without pain.
Yet, no man deserves a life's worth in pain.
And I have a lifetime left to learn.

Am I not a better man?
A man who has grown sound and strong, a man who has learned from his misery.

Am I not a better man?
A clever man who taught his flesh the way of steel, this lasting man of resolve and will.

Am I not a better man?
Or just a bitter man that rots with memories and only grows cold?

Indeed, I have grown cold.

[olduser]

thanks for the words, gentlemen.

it is funny to say all these things about someone i barely know. taking snippets of interaciton and thinking deeply about them without regards to self is interesting. i am very naive and i enjoy it.

[Danielle]

Well eunice, I definitely feel for you. The weird thing is, I'm not an unhappy person at all. I'm very calm and serious, but I am also full of passion and sometimes joie de vivre. I'm unhappy when I try to act like something I'm not, or when I figure I can't change but also can't be accepted, so what's the point of it all....

I'm definitely serious. I have a quick and easy smile. But when I'm in any kind of conversation, I just don't want to waste my mind. For example, I don't like it when threads go off topic on silly tangents, because I care about the subject otherwise I wouldn't be reading it. I feel like opportunities for depth and enrichment are missed because of too much frivolity and things are too frenetic. Like everyone has to be funny, or zany, or clever, or BOLD and BRASSY. But what's underneath it all? In order to enjoy those kinds of experiences, I have to look for the value in them, and in so doing I'm being "too serious" again.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Do you realise, heath, that I have trouble with girls because all of those I am attracted to are into more feminine guys?

YOU ARE NOT THAT MASCULINE ALREADY! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? ANYBODY THAT PARTICIPATES IN A PSYCHOLOGY FORUM ISN'T THAT MASCULINE AT ALL (AND THERE'S NOTHING WHATSOEVER WRONG WITH THAT). REAL MASCULINE PEOPLE ARE OUT DOING MASCULINE THINGS. THEY MIGHT FIND THIS STUFF DEEPLY INTERESTING AND FASCINATING, BUT THEY DO NOT WANT TO SHARE IT. SOCIONICS WAS DEVELOPED BY A FUCKING WOMAN, AND IS INNATELY FEMININE. PLEASE STOP TALKING!

ME, YOU, EXPAT, GILLY, BIONICGOAT...WE ARE ALL SUBORDINATE MALES. EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN ONE OF US. PLEASE STOP TRYING TO BE SOMEBODY YOU ARE NOT EZRA. IT BOTHERS ME.

Okay, I am seriously calm, I just enjoy talking in all caps sometimes! But yeah, I am curious how you judge men to be masculine or feminine, Ezra. No really I am. Tell me how you decide if somebody is masculine or feminine.

[UDP]

Subordinate males?

[olduser]

Do you realise, heath, that I have trouble with girls because all of those I am attracted to are into more feminine guys?

YOU ARE NOT THAT MASCULINE ALREADY! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? ANYBODY THAT PARTICIPATES IN A PSYCHOLOGY FORUM ISN'T THAT MASCULINE AT ALL (AND THERE'S NOTHING WHATSOEVER WRONG WITH THAT). REAL MASCULINE PEOPLE ARE OUT DOING MASCULINE THINGS. THEY MIGHT FIND THIS STUFF DEEPLY INTERESTING AND FASCINATING, BUT THEY DO NOT WANT TO SHARE IT. SOCIONICS WAS DEVELOPED BY A FUCKING WOMAN, AND IS INNATELY FEMININE. PLEASE STOP TALKING!

ME, YOU, EXPAT, GILLY, BIONICGOAT...WE ARE ALL SUBORDINATE MALES. EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN ONE OF US. PLEASE STOP TRYING TO BE SOMEBODY YOU ARE NOT EZRA. IT BOTHERS ME.

Okay, I am seriously calm, I just enjoy talking in all caps sometimes! But yeah, I am curious how you judge men to be masculine or feminine, Ezra. No really I am. Tell me how you decide if somebody is masculine or feminine.

i'm not sure i agree. i do lots of masculine stuff--but i don't build engines or anything.

[UDP]

Perhaps we should consider just who is speaking here. It almost sounds like he suspects that every guy on this forum, if he were gay, would be the one to take it in the ass all the time.

[force my hand]

We are all subordinate males - it's part and parcel of living in society.

[cracka]

Perhaps we should consider just who is speaking here. It almost sounds like he suspects that every guy on this forum, if he were gay, would be the one to take it in the ass all the time.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

I never know when if you're being sarcastic or not.

Don't be so serious

[jessica129]

Um, why'd you bump this?

[xyz]

Because you're so serious