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Thread: Argh, type stupid boyfriend! Stupid!

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Default Argh, type stupid boyfriend! Stupid!

    I know some of you must remember my "interesting fellow" thread a while back. Well, it's the same guy I'm posting about now and I am beyond frustrated with him. Sometimes we get along great, other times a total disaster... as if him and I can't understand each others' words or what have you ... really strange.

    Well, for those that don't remember, I still can't figure out his type so : He is most definitely an IxTx that's all I know for sure. There is no doubting that. I can't figure out whether he is an INTp, INTj or perhaps ISTp (but rather far-fetched0

    He is extremely reserved and quiet. A very highly expressed introvert. Has a lazy walk/feel to him.. some have described it as "dead" and I agree with that word to describe a first impression of him. He says he likes being quiet because it coorelates to him being calm ( wtf) and he likes being calm and not overly excited. This really points to Fe PoLR, does it not? Before, I thought he was an INTj seeking Fe but I really am doubting that now. He doesn't seem to like any type of overt emotional expression or even talking about emotions. He says he needs to rationalize every emotion to actually "feel" it.

    He likes chess. He says he likes to figure out peoples' game plans by figuring out what their motive in the game is. He likes reading. In general, just a very solitary person. He said something strange ... how he likes to lead a group ... which makes no sense since he's so quiet and "follower" seeming... but yeah, he said he likes leading a group in a WORK situation. With a group of friends, he said it's really weird if everyone talks about the same topic ??? WTF? Is this preference?

    He is really quite boring. He doesn't do much. It's killing the relationship. He doesn't seem to know how to read my obviously not so subtle cues about my emotional state. He just tries to deviate from the subject whenever I try to talk about how bored or bad I feel about this relationship, how it needs to change, etc. It's fucking annoying as fuck. It's like he doesn't even know anything is wrong. WTF?

    Anyway. Has expressed his insecurities before when I've pried him with questions about it. Says he feels like everything about him is negative, can only think of negative ways to describe himself. He doesn't see how anyone would want to be with him. He also said it's much easier when girls take the initiative, physically.

    There's the huge problem. He is definitely not the Aggressor I need. It's beyond frustrating to know that he overthinks about everything he says beforehand, and will not take action to kiss me, hug me, anything. He is just so scared and won't do anything until certain moments. I must admit, I never do anything either. I give a really bad message.. it's the Victim in me challenging him as if he were an Aggressor but I must understand he's not -- I act totally uninterested with physical affection and it really puts him off even more but deep down, I wish he'd just grab me forcefully and do what he wishes Man, I really need some in my life.

    When we talk about lighthearted, non serious things, we get along great. We joke around, tease eachother a lot, almost in a spiteful way (well, on my side) We tend to sometimes misunderstand eachother though. However, it doesn't seem like we really have that "true" connection that I dream about ... maybe I'm just idealistic but it doesn't feel right to me. Actually, the main thing is the physical thing. If he improved on that, I think the entire relationship would automatically be 100x better.

    I tried to explain something about introverts & extroverts to him today. I said the thing about batteries being recharged in different ways (introverts charging alone, extroverts charging with people) ... he did not understand what I was saying at all. I'm not sure if this is not valuing or because he started saying that didn't make sense, that was weird, was that my theory or someone elses'? It's like he doesn't trust things, or like theoretical things? He didn't like my example of the battery thing.

    UGHSJKHGSG. I can't stand him sometimes.


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    Suomea's Avatar
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    Seems INTp to me.... especially the "dead" expression. Does he ever get into an Fe mood? INTjs can be pretty reserved and unemotional, but if you Fe them they will at least some of the time respond with positive emotion back and will joke around. INTps less so. INTps do make pretty good leaders. :Te: is useful. Gulenko has INTps as one of the 6 types most likely to lead too. Anyway.... my two cents.
    Suomea

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    Sound's like he's a Victim. Do you feel like he'd do well with an Aggressor?

    I'm sorry about your situation ScarlettLux, sound's like a frustrating position to be in. Sometimes I feel like relationships are too much work then they're worth.

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    Default Re: Argh, type stupid boyfriend! Stupid!

    Well, the way you describe him insinuates that he is an INTp. Are you really still having confusion over his type?

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    I tried to explain something about introverts & extroverts to him today. I said the thing about batteries being recharged in different ways (introverts charging alone, extroverts charging with people) ... he did not understand what I was saying at all. I'm not sure if this is not valuing or because he started saying that didn't make sense, that was weird, was that my theory or someone elses'? It's like he doesn't trust things, or like theoretical things? He didn't like my example of the battery thing.
    How did you figure out that he didn't understand your point? Was it a lost facial expression and Did he not continue discussion of this concept after you explained it? If it is this case, I wouldn't really attribute this to not understanding as to not knowing how to respond. Or did he say something along the lines, "I don't understand what you are saying." (Which I notice Creative subtypes can say quite bluntly.) If it is this case, I can't really say for sure. It could because he didn't understand by what you meant by energy. Perhaps he was looking for proof. Either way, it points to in the ego.
    PoLR
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    Regular Double-shot Espresso Subtype

    Just because I'm a thinking type doesn't mean I'm not an idiot.

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    Hmm...

    Yeah, sounds like another victim. Sounds like he is waiting for you, and it sounds like an awkward situation.

    I wonder if your interaction with him is making you think you are INFp as opposed to ENFj, but I really do not know you well enough to gauge that. Not that you are not necessarily INFp.


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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argh, type stupid boyfriend! Stupid!

    Quote Originally Posted by Quirk Satellite Div.
    Well, the way you describe him insinuates that he is an INTp. Are you really still having confusion over his type?

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    I tried to explain something about introverts & extroverts to him today. I said the thing about batteries being recharged in different ways (introverts charging alone, extroverts charging with people) ... he did not understand what I was saying at all. I'm not sure if this is not valuing or because he started saying that didn't make sense, that was weird, was that my theory or someone elses'? It's like he doesn't trust things, or like theoretical things? He didn't like my example of the battery thing.
    How did you figure out that he didn't understand your point? Was it a lost facial expression and Did he not continue discussion of this concept after you explained it? If it is this case, I wouldn't really attribute this to not understanding as to not knowing how to respond. Or did he say something along the lines, "I don't understand what you are saying." (Which I notice Creative subtypes can say quite bluntly.) If it is this case, I can't really say for sure. It could because he didn't understand by what you meant by energy. Perhaps he was looking for proof. Either way, it points to in the ego.
    Yes, I really am confused about his type. He does respond to usually, he does joke back, etc... it's not like he's totally disconnected from me... I do feel that sometimes we understand each other fairly well. It's like either really relaxing and peaceful/happy with him or really frustrating/boring with him.. there is no in between. He definitely seems like an INTp if I analyze it when I write about him, but other times, he seems a little bit silly/frivolous .. not sure if he really has Se seeking or just Se PoLR and this is why he's not taking action. I really can't tell.

    No, he basically responded as in, a kind of wtf response, more along the lines of, "I don't understand, that does not make sense to me" ... it did seem pretty blunt. Some of the time his responses are not pleasing to me... perhaps this is , I never knew that it was? How would in ego differ? I still get these two really confused.


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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suomea
    Seems INTp to me.... especially the "dead" expression. Does he ever get into an Fe mood? INTjs can be pretty reserved and unemotional, but if you Fe them they will at least some of the time respond with positive emotion back and will joke around. INTps less so. INTps do make pretty good leaders. is useful. Gulenko has INTps as one of the 6 types most likely to lead too. Anyway.... my two cents.
    That's exactly what is confusing me. When I do POSITIVE ... he will respond really well and joke around with me a lot, smile, etc. It's not that he is totally dead emotionally... I meant that he doesn't like getting overly excited about things, overly distraught ... just anything that is too much. Actually I do think he has Fe PoLR .... gah, INTp hell for me.


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    Find someone more mature.
    LII
    that is what i was getting at. if there is an inescapable appropriation that is required in the act of understanding, this brings into question the validity of socionics in describing what is real, and hence stubborn contradictions that continue to plague me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariano Rajoy
    Find someone more mature.
    Find someone who will both pay attention with you and have the balls to give you what you want. Every woman basically needs the same thing, just a different form of it. The trick for a guy (and both parties) is being realistic about what you want, what you need, and what you can give.

    And don't settle for inadequate relations.
    But if you do, don't complain to me about them unless you want your ass busted.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Every woman basically needs the same thing, just a different form of it.
    I don't know if there was a double meaning implied, but if not, I disagree vehemently.

    ScarlettLux: I doubt the truthfulness of your report. Your feelings about any given boyfriend you have change on a daily basis, probably given the side of the bed you wake up from.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Default Re: Argh, type stupid boyfriend! Stupid!

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    He just tries to deviate from the subject whenever I try to talk about how bored or bad I feel about this relationship, how it needs to change, etc. It's fucking annoying as fuck. It's like he doesn't even know anything is wrong. WTF?
    No offense, but you will lose most guys regardless of type with this kind of talk... especially after, what, a whole two months of being together?

    Being an INFp is fine - great even - but it doesn't give you license to pull this kind of stunt, at least not yet.
    SLI/ISTp -- Te subtype

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    Default Re: Argh, type stupid boyfriend! Stupid!

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    He is extremely reserved and quiet. A very highly expressed introvert. Has a lazy walk/feel to him.. some have described it as "dead" and I agree with that word to describe a first impression of him. He says he likes being quiet because it coorelates to him being calm ( wtf) and he likes being calm and not overly excited. This really points to Fe PoLR, does it not?
    Could be, but mainly towards introversion. Perhaps a quadra introvert. Not necessarily low . It depends on what he meant with "excited".

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Before, I thought he was an INTj seeking Fe but I really am doubting that now. He doesn't seem to like any type of overt emotional expression or even talking about emotions. He says he needs to rationalize every emotion to actually "feel" it.
    That's a bit ambiguous.

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    With a group of friends, he said it's really weird if everyone talks about the same topic ??? WTF? Is this preference?
    It would actually go against preference. It suggests more a liking for . So far he seems a quadra introvert.

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    He is really quite boring. He doesn't do much. It's killing the relationship. He doesn't seem to know how to read my obviously not so subtle cues about my emotional state. He just tries to deviate from the subject whenever I try to talk about how bored or bad I feel about this relationship, how it needs to change, etc. It's fucking annoying as fuck. It's like he doesn't even know anything is wrong. WTF?
    Hmmmm.

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Anyway. Has expressed his insecurities before when I've pried him with questions about it. Says he feels like everything about him is negative, can only think of negative ways to describe himself. He doesn't see how anyone would want to be with him. He also said it's much easier when girls take the initiative, physically.
    He seems depressed.

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    There's the huge problem. He is definitely not the Aggressor I need. It's beyond frustrating to know that he overthinks about everything he says beforehand, and will not take action to kiss me, hug me, anything. He is just so scared and won't do anything until certain moments. I must admit, I never do anything either. I give a really bad message.. it's the Victim in me challenging him as if he were an Aggressor but I must understand he's not -- I act totally uninterested with physical affection and it really puts him off even more but deep down, I wish he'd just grab me forcefully and do what he wishes Man, I really need some in my life.

    When we talk about lighthearted, non serious things, we get along great. We joke around, tease eachother a lot, almost in a spiteful way (well, on my side) We tend to sometimes misunderstand eachother though. However, it doesn't seem like we really have that "true" connection that I dream about ... maybe I'm just idealistic but it doesn't feel right to me. Actually, the main thing is the physical thing. If he improved on that, I think the entire relationship would automatically be 100x better.

    I tried to explain something about introverts & extroverts to him today. I said the thing about batteries being recharged in different ways (introverts charging alone, extroverts charging with people) ... he did not understand what I was saying at all. I'm not sure if this is not valuing or because he started saying that didn't make sense, that was weird, was that my theory or someone elses'? It's like he doesn't trust things, or like theoretical things? He didn't like my example of the battery thing.

    UGHSJKHGSG. I can't stand him sometimes.
    He seems like a somewhat depressed ISFp or ISTp.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Would it not be simpler to just ask him to take the test rather than trying to get him typed based on how you are viewing him?

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    He did do the test. He came out as INTJ on MBTI.

    LOL, um, I don't think he's depressed. Sorry, yeah, the truthfulness of my report was a little ... stained by emotion? I dunno, it seems all true to me but I was a little worked up over it so maybe it came across as worse than it really is.


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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla
    Would it not be simpler to just ask him to take the test rather than trying to get him typed based on how you are viewing him?
    Simpler, yes -- more accurate, no, on the contrary.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    This thread is embarrassing. Expat, I just want to know, what makes you think he is an Si dominant?


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    sounds like an intp to me. wouldn't that be a comparative relation for you then?

    this has a comparative flavor to it...it's like you both lead with Ni but then come to opposition over your creative functions and polr's.

    that would make you both victims...he would also need you to get the aggression going. and neither of you have lived long enough yet to have developed any Se to give (my pet theory about dual seeking right now).

    if he's an intp then his dual is esfp and he values Se/Fi. so to a point you both want the same thing but can't give it to each other. and then it's aggravating because you can't stand Te and he can't stand Fe.

    even though it's aggravating, it's only aggravating because of your expectations. if he's intp, he really can hardly give anything that you need. it's not that he won't it's that he can't. so you can step back and look around. you're hot, you'll find some cool estp or entp or esfp to give ya the right stuff or at least mostly the right stuff! lol

    this would be like me trying to have a relationship with an enfp. arghh. even friendships with them are difficult. we're constantly coming to blows over Fi/Ti and it really gets to be distrustful.

    ILE

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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    This thread is embarrassing.
    naah. :wink:

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    this would be like me trying to have a relationship with an enfp. arghh. even friendships with them are difficult. we're constantly coming to blows over Fi/Ti and it really gets to be distrustful.
    I kinda agree with this. My boyfriend is ENTp.
    INTp
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    Quote Originally Posted by hkkmr
    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    this would be like me trying to have a relationship with an enfp. arghh. even friendships with them are difficult. we're constantly coming to blows over Fi/Ti and it really gets to be distrustful.
    I kinda agree with this. My boyfriend is ENTp.
    For me it's not blows, it's more...
    I go all numb and turn tail and run... Better the having to deal with it.
    yeah i guess this depends on the situation. if it's more social, then i tend to defer to the enfp. but if it's work or where we have to think about something or get something done, then i'll dig in with them. and they'll still insist on the Fi/people/relationships stuff. but i'll usually get my way on the facts/system/what to do things.

    ILE

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Ah, thanks so much for the reply diamond8 =] Yeah, INTp makes the most sense for now and it does suck that we are looking for and can't provide it. We do like each other though, and yes, we are young and stupid. I know this is nothing serious (I have plenty of time for that later in my life lol) but I really enjoy analyzing relationships and at least trying to understand what the problem is being caused by.

    Hah, I wish I could find an SLE/SEE/ILE - those are definitely the three types that I would be the most comfortable with in a relationship. Unfortunately, I don't see SLE or SEE happening anytime soon so I'm just going to have to try my luck again with Illusionary. I really like Illusionary relations in general though. I know your SO is an IEI =D A lot of ILEs I meet seem to have quite a bit of showing... why is this? Is it just overblown role? I don't know but I still really like it.


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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Every woman basically needs the same thing, just a different form of it.
    I don't know if there was a double meaning implied, but if not, I disagree vehemently.

    ScarlettLux: I doubt the truthfulness of your report. Your feelings about any given boyfriend you have change on a daily basis, probably given the side of the bed you wake up from.
    and you're one to talk about inconsistency heh.
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    Ah, thanks so much for the reply diamond8 =] Yeah, INTp makes the most sense for now and it does suck that we are looking for and can't provide it. We do like each other though, and yes, we are young and stupid. I know this is nothing serious (I have plenty of time for that later in my life lol) but I really enjoy analyzing relationships and at least trying to understand what the problem is being caused by.
    oh i didn't mean you are young and stupid...i just have this theory right now, it's based mostly on observation, that the older you get the more you have developed your dual seeking function and i think this makes you need it from other people a little bit less. so like if you had met him 20 years from now, you might actually be a better fit since by that time you'd both have some Se to give to yourselves and others. but hey it's just my crackpot theory and it's a little self serving right now since i'm in with the infp man. lol!


    Hah, I wish I could find an SLE/SEE/ILE - those are definitely the three types that I would be the most comfortable with in a relationship. Unfortunately, I don't see SLE or SEE happening anytime soon so I'm just going to have to try my luck again with Illusionary. I really like Illusionary relations in general though. I know your SO is an IEI =D A lot of ILEs I meet seem to have quite a bit of showing... why is this? Is it just overblown role? I don't know but I still really like it.
    the infp man says the same thing (he knows a little bit about socionics mostly from listening to me...plus he's naturally tuned into relationships being an infp and all). i think it's because entp's reach persuasive conclusions about things, which can drive making decisions, which alleviates the uncertainty that infp's tend to feel. entp's can be intellectually confident...this sometimes persuades others.

    but it could also be a more developed Se role. i personally think i do have this. probably developed my Se role to aggravate my infj father (my supervisor, Se is his polr! hahaha) and it also rubbed off on me from being married to the estp for 15 years. but this is pretty situation specific who knows what other entp's would say.

    but true Se is different i think. Se is kind of like watching people's and thing's characteristics and figuring out how to make them go. it seems to be a more tailored approach to power than Ne, which if it's paired with Ti, engages people more on a cognitive level than on an Se-style personal needs level. my estp ex would watch people really carefully, determine what made them tick, and then use that to get them to do what he wanted. but he was balanced...he tried to be ethical about it in that they had to want to do what he wanted them to do also. so there was not a feeling of him trying to control you about it. and everybody usually would get something out of it.

    Ne plus Ti has more of an idealistic sense about it...it's not really based upon personal needs or sensory data or realistic details...it's based on an idea or a theory or a plan.

    one of the things that really engages me about infp's is how we can talk for hours and hours and understand one another perfectly. not sure this would happen with an isfp. an isfp would listen and be interested but might not want to contribute all that much to this type of discussion. and these types of discussions are important to me, so i don't know quite where to put this in socionics-ese. not sure that estp would want to do this with infp either, so if this type of thing is important to an infp, then perhaps that's the draw that off-sets the weaker Se that the infp would get from an entp. i know for me it offsets the weaker Si i get from an infp.

    but who knows really? i know that when i get really tense inside and irritible, which doesn't happen all that often but when it does it's ugly, i do need someone to just fucking relax me somehow. life tends to throw darts at you...so when life gets really tough, will an illusionary relationship be able to withstand it? would you get enough from an illusionary to get you through the hard times? don't know.

    having said that, infp man and myself are both trying to rebuild our lives after divorce. and it's almost like a daily emotional roller-coaster and grind. divorce is exquisitely painful and the effects linger and morph into bombs when you least expect it and pretty constantly. so although we are not living together and having to endure on a daily basis, we are both going through some very difficult things and are getting some valuable help from each other. this makes me think the illusionary relationship is a pretty good one, one that can perhaps be sustained over time.

    went off on a big "me" tangent but i don't know maybe this helps?

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Quote Originally Posted by Suomea
    Seems INTp to me.... especially the "dead" expression. Does he ever get into an Fe mood? INTjs can be pretty reserved and unemotional, but if you Fe them they will at least some of the time respond with positive emotion back and will joke around. INTps less so. INTps do make pretty good leaders. is useful. Gulenko has INTps as one of the 6 types most likely to lead too. Anyway.... my two cents.
    That's exactly what is confusing me. When I do POSITIVE ... he will respond really well and joke around with me a lot, smile, etc. It's not that he is totally dead emotionally... I meant that he doesn't like getting overly excited about things, overly distraught ... just anything that is too much. Actually I do think he has Fe PoLR .... gah, INTp hell for me.
    positive as in happy fe or what?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    this would be like me trying to have a relationship with an enfp. arghh. even friendships with them are difficult. we're constantly coming to blows over Fi/Ti and it really gets to be distrustful.
    I kinda agree with this. My boyfriend is ENTp.
    interesting...what goes on?

    ILE

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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Expat, I just want to know, what makes you think he is an Si dominant?
    dominance isn't obvious. I just get the impression of an introvert who values , and isn't that good in getting what's in your mind and is unresponsive to your , so ISTp and ISFp make the most sense. The general impression of a low-energy person.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Expat, I just want to know, what makes you think he is an Si dominant?
    dominance isn't obvious. I just get the impression of an introvert who values , and isn't that good in getting what's in your mind and is unresponsive to your , so ISTp and ISFp make the most sense. The general impression of a low-energy person.
    i sort of see what expat is saying about dominance. even when you read the descriptions of INTps and INFps it seems as though if someone is coming at them full-force they react somehow, like becoming momentarily aggressive etc or throwing fits or doing something. i mean, i cannot explain this very well but my INFp friend, despite dominance, comes off as much more active. also this guy just seems like he wants to be left alone, which, isn't the precise way to get rid of an INTp is to leave them alone and they sort of just drift off?
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    He did do the test. He came out as INTJ on MBTI.

    LOL, um, I don't think he's depressed. Sorry, yeah, the truthfulness of my report was a little ... stained by emotion? I dunno, it seems all true to me but I was a little worked up over it so maybe it came across as worse than it really is.
    Was the following exaggerated?

    Anyway. Has expressed his insecurities before when I've pried him with questions about it. Says he feels like everything about him is negative, can only think of negative ways to describe himself. He doesn't see how anyone would want to be with him.
    Because that is a sign of being depressed/low self-esteem in general.

    I think he's IP, not sure about Ni or Si.

    If he's really depressed it could skew his personality though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Every woman basically needs the same thing, just a different form of it.
    I don't know if there was a double meaning implied, but if not, I disagree vehemently.

    ScarlettLux: I doubt the truthfulness of your report. Your feelings about any given boyfriend you have change on a daily basis, probably given the side of the bed you wake up from.
    and you're one to talk about inconsistency heh.
    Sorry? Pay attention that I always keep an eye on never completely contradicting my previous statements.
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    Take scarelett's inital post and town down the emotional aspects by 100 and you'll get the truth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard
    Take scarelett's inital post and town down the emotional aspects by 100 and you'll get the truth.
    exactly
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    this guy sounds ILI to me. the fact that you and he can get along adequately when making jokes, etc. does not immediately suggest against Fe polr. the resistance to dealing with the relationship doesn't really sound ILI, but if he genuinely doesn't see a problem, then idk; it might just seem like business as usual to him (ie he may be used to it and not really care at all).

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Actually, I don't really think I exaggerated any information about him. All that I wrote was pretty factual and what actually happened/what he said. The thing with emotion is just my use of words, the fuck fuck fuck stuff and !!!!!'s ... lol.

    Yeah, I've accepted his IxTpness by now. *sigh* He really doesn't seem depressed though. He might have low self-esteem but I wouldn't label him entirely depressed. He gets along fine and is pretty much always in a stable, calm mood. Never gets overly excited or overly distressed.

    Diamond8 really, your posts are very helpful and I love reading them =] I think Illusionary can last for a very long time because for some reason or other, I find that my role doesn't really bother a lot of ILEs. Their role doesn't bother me either. It actually seems stronger to me than it apparently "should be" being an unvalued function but I think role functions don't actually appear weak, they just appear overblown/exaggerated most of the time. This could compensate for "true" I agree that ILE and I have much more interesting discussions that can go on forever which I have never had with an SLE.


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    And for the record ...

    did I NOT repeatedly insist this guy was at least IXTp in your "interesting fellow" thread???

    btw, your original post of his behavior at the beginning of this thread comes as no surprise at all. And as for others saying you are not reporting truth ... no, I believe your report is valid. Everyone views others through their own type, wrt their own needs - I don't care who you are/what your type is (and, most specifically, "how logical" one is).

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Then again, you said I was IEE


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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Actually, I don't really think I exaggerated any information about him. All that I wrote was pretty factual and what actually happened/what he said. The thing with emotion is just my use of words, the fuck fuck fuck stuff and !!!!!'s ... lol.

    Yeah, I've accepted his IxTpness by now. *sigh* He really doesn't seem depressed though. He might have low self-esteem but I wouldn't label him entirely depressed. He gets along fine and is pretty much always in a stable, calm mood. Never gets overly excited or overly distressed.

    Diamond8 really, your posts are very helpful and I love reading them =] I think Illusionary can last for a very long time because for some reason or other, I find that my role doesn't really bother a lot of ILEs. Their role doesn't bother me either. It actually seems stronger to me than it apparently "should be" being an unvalued function but I think role functions don't actually appear weak, they just appear overblown/exaggerated most of the time. This could compensate for "true" I agree that ILE and I have much more interesting discussions that can go on forever which I have never had with an SLE.
    don't listen to these dippy comments about Fe scarlett...your Fe is great and definitely is a mood lifter.

    i'm also interested in any commentary that somebody like expat or rick would have to say about illusionary relations, based upon what is discussed here, because it seems like you and i observe similar things about this relation and our perceptions are not totally in line with the socionics party line...so maybe one of them will see this and bite on it....

    anyway i'm glad you like to read my posts at least somebody does hahaha but really i'm trying to apply this crazy theory to my own relationships to try to learn and get something of practical value out of this. call it my demonstratrive function Te in overdrive or something lol.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Every woman basically needs the same thing, just a different form of it.
    I don't know if there was a double meaning implied, but if not, I disagree vehemently.

    ScarlettLux: I doubt the truthfulness of your report. Your feelings about any given boyfriend you have change on a daily basis, probably given the side of the bed you wake up from.

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    Default Re: Argh, type stupid boyfriend! Stupid!

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    There's the huge problem. He is definitely not the Aggressor I need. It's beyond frustrating to know that he overthinks about everything he says beforehand, and will not take action to kiss me, hug me, anything. He is just so scared and won't do anything until certain moments. I must admit, I never do anything either. I give a really bad message.. it's the Victim in me challenging him as if he were an Aggressor but I must understand he's not -- I act totally uninterested with physical affection and it really puts him off even more but deep down, I wish he'd just grab me forcefully and do what he wishes Man, I really need some in my life.
    ew.

    ! I may, possibly, maybe not, probably not, be ili.

    Is this what dual seeking looks like?

    It sounds.. misguided, and needy.

    Not to be judgemental though! SL, you sound like a fun girl. Take this stuff with a grain of salt, k?


    Also diamond8, I think you're definitely onto something. With illusionary relationships, but mostly just the fact that you develop your dual's functions as you grow older and mature. It makes a lot of sense, considering if you're what you are: and you value and , you'd move in that direction, and try to get that in your life, either with people, or just yourself and your interests.

    Again, I think I may possibly be IEE. I'm not so good at managing Si in myself that well, or for too long, but I have incredible interest in healthy eating, exercise, etc.

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    *sigh* Well, I apologize if I appear "needy" and whatnot. I am, and that's that.


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    Default Re: Argh, type stupid boyfriend! Stupid!

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    I know some of you must remember my "interesting fellow" thread a while back. Well, it's the same guy I'm posting about now and I am beyond frustrated with him. Sometimes we get along great, other times a total disaster... as if him and I can't understand each others' words or what have you ... really strange.

    Well, for those that don't remember, I still can't figure out his type so : He is most definitely an IxTx that's all I know for sure. There is no doubting that. I can't figure out whether he is an INTp, INTj or perhaps ISTp (but rather far-fetched0

    He is extremely reserved and quiet. A very highly expressed introvert. Has a lazy walk/feel to him.. some have described it as "dead" and I agree with that word to describe a first impression of him. He says he likes being quiet because it coorelates to him being calm ( wtf) and he likes being calm and not overly excited. This really points to Fe PoLR, does it not? Before, I thought he was an INTj seeking Fe but I really am doubting that now. He doesn't seem to like any type of overt emotional expression or even talking about emotions. He says he needs to rationalize every emotion to actually "feel" it.

    He likes chess. He says he likes to figure out peoples' game plans by figuring out what their motive in the game is. He likes reading. In general, just a very solitary person. He said something strange ... how he likes to lead a group ... which makes no sense since he's so quiet and "follower" seeming... but yeah, he said he likes leading a group in a WORK situation. With a group of friends, he said it's really weird if everyone talks about the same topic ??? WTF? Is this preference?

    He is really quite boring. He doesn't do much. It's killing the relationship. He doesn't seem to know how to read my obviously not so subtle cues about my emotional state. He just tries to deviate from the subject whenever I try to talk about how bored or bad I feel about this relationship, how it needs to change, etc. It's fucking annoying as fuck. It's like he doesn't even know anything is wrong. WTF?

    Anyway. Has expressed his insecurities before when I've pried him with questions about it. Says he feels like everything about him is negative, can only think of negative ways to describe himself. He doesn't see how anyone would want to be with him. He also said it's much easier when girls take the initiative, physically.

    There's the huge problem. He is definitely not the Aggressor I need. It's beyond frustrating to know that he overthinks about everything he says beforehand, and will not take action to kiss me, hug me, anything. He is just so scared and won't do anything until certain moments. I must admit, I never do anything either. I give a really bad message.. it's the Victim in me challenging him as if he were an Aggressor but I must understand he's not -- I act totally uninterested with physical affection and it really puts him off even more but deep down, I wish he'd just grab me forcefully and do what he wishes Man, I really need some in my life.

    When we talk about lighthearted, non serious things, we get along great. We joke around, tease eachother a lot, almost in a spiteful way (well, on my side) We tend to sometimes misunderstand eachother though. However, it doesn't seem like we really have that "true" connection that I dream about ... maybe I'm just idealistic but it doesn't feel right to me. Actually, the main thing is the physical thing. If he improved on that, I think the entire relationship would automatically be 100x better.

    I tried to explain something about introverts & extroverts to him today. I said the thing about batteries being recharged in different ways (introverts charging alone, extroverts charging with people) ... he did not understand what I was saying at all. I'm not sure if this is not valuing or because he started saying that didn't make sense, that was weird, was that my theory or someone elses'? It's like he doesn't trust things, or like theoretical things? He didn't like my example of the battery thing.

    UGHSJKHGSG. I can't stand him sometimes.

    Don't date boys your own age.

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