Dual-seeking (and dual-finding)

[aka-kitsune]

Talking about the concept of dual-seeking, I've been tallying how many of my past relationships were, in fact, duals or semi-duals (ESTp/ESFp). And the number is MOST of them.

I seem to have always had that function down -- usually being highly energized by encountering my dual or semi-. Everything seems enhanced, vivid and electric. However, curiously, while they always seem to be attracted (once I managed to get their attention), they almost never have initiated contact. They usually have "dropped the ball" and left it to me to seek them out. (This, of itself is a problem, because I feel hampered and inhibited by traditional gender roles).

According to theory here, duals "complete" each other in that Jerry Maguire way...? Why then, would your dual ever be hesitant about approaching you, getting more deeply involved, or otherwise uncomfortable around you? It's seemed often to me that my dual seemed really genuinely ambivalent about me. Not that I was completely conflictless, but I felt compelled to follow the attraction to see where it would go. Why would someone avoid their dual if the experience is supposed to be a natural attraction of opposites?

Are dual encounters akin to Jung's concept of encountering the Other? Are you supposed to learn to integrate your weaker functions through the encounter? And is it possible a dual may disown those weakest functions and therefore have a problem with you because you're embodying them in the flesh?

Please share dual experiences and insights...? Lots of questions here, but you guys have lots of ideas, I'm sure.

[ScarlettLux]

I am going to assume I am an INFp Fe for the sake of this ...


I don't know what to really say here in regards to initiative taking. I haven't encountered many of my Duals, save for a couple males that I didn't get along with. One was my first "boyfriend" (if you can even call it that in middle school) and we had a very good friendship afterwards, then we tried getting back together in high school when we were both more mature and it failed miserably. However, I don't think it was because of lack of Duality or anything ... I do believe it would have worked if it were not for my constant paranoia and unhealthy state of mind back then. I don't think he was as interested in me as he was back in the day when we were friends and he was literally falling at my heels and I didn't pay him notice... ah, strange how things work. Even now, I still think what could've been, and he is almost the only person I think that about in terms of relationships...

Whenever we were together (he got too cocky after we drifted as friends) it would be splendid... just a really nice Beta atmosphere. He was incessantly prickly and loud, pretty obnoxious to others but hilarious to me. He used to be the one to try and take the initiative with me, but then afterwards, when I actually did start liking him, he left it to me... I think it was because he was actually less interested than he was... I did get that ambivalent feeling from him that you describe from your Duals and Semiduals. I would really think would be much more proactive if they really wanted something, eh?

One of my very close friends is my Semi Dual and well, it's a great relationship. It does get tiring at times, and we can spend ages apart without really missing a beat when we see eachother again. It's like we just fill eachother in really quickly. It is probably one of the most comfortable friendships I have, with no real envy, competition, spite... it's really great. However, she does tend to ramble on and on without letting me get a word in edge-wise sometimes but I do manage to cope.

Hmm... Dual seeking and Dual finding. I do wonder if there is a pattern to it, if there is a special way to attract the Duals' attention but I guess being yourself is truly the only way. They'll like you for who you are. However, the thing that gets slightly weird is that because you are who you are, you tend to get lost in the crowd cause Duals are apparently too comfortable with eachother that they becoming ordinary and boring at first contact. I'm pretty bad at recognizing true actually, and I'm better at seeing , so that's what I mainly look for.

Eh, don't take the whole thing too seriously... it'll screw you over.

[ScarlettLux]

Oh, and Duality is made out to be this magical great thing.. I believe that's what you might think of it... it's really not. I think it's just support and comfort, mainly. Eh, maybe I'm just bitter..

[tcaudilllg]

Finding your dual-type dual is best, but difficult. Although your dual is naturally able to point you in the right direction, their energies may be directed toward a purpose not complementary to your own.

I'm pretty sure I've got a good idea as to what my dual-type dual is like... and the match is quite precise. "A magic relationship" is actually a good term for this kind of experience. The problem is that there aren't many ESFj-ISTjs out there, and it seems difficult to get their attention. (I've got an ENFj-ISFp gf now, too) Also, questions such as vocation and rapport are vital to the complementarity of any relationship.

Another thing about duality is it's primarily a "you and them against the world" sort of relationship. For every dualized relationship, there exists a conflict to be dealt with. Every advantage has a purpose.

Something that I've been thinking about lately: the movie Butterfly Effect 2 features an ISTj and an ENFj, but the ISTj just isn't able to accept the promise of a comfortable life. Instead he keeps creating challenges for himself because the presence of his dual makes life too easy otherwise. If you aren't ready for duality, you won't be able to enjoy it.

[mikemex]

Your dual does not make you happy by his/her own. So if you are in a room with your dual, doing nothing, there is no special feelings at all.

Duality manifests itself when you start to face real problems, usually problems in which your waknessess start to show. Instead of a feeling of incompetency and despair, there is a feeling of support and understanding. On such situations, when receiving help from your dual, you feel sincere admiration for a person who does easily what you find almost impossible to do.

That means two things:

1.- Your dual values what you really are (and not what you pretend to be) and such feeling of appreciation gives a deep sense of self-worth and fulfullment.
2.- Duals become interdependant over time and such familiarity gives a sense of "connection" that most people expects from close interpersonal relationships.

The problem is that there aren't many ESFj-ISTjs out there.

Assuming your model is right, which you seem to take as granted.

[tcaudilllg]

Ah that wonderful weak peaking its head again.

[discourse]

Ah that wonderful weak peaking its head again.

Yeah, agreed. It's uncomfortable or even annoying when someone pretends a type he or she is not.Not to mention the feeling of embarassment around her. Not that Mikemix is that. I've done it too. Though I had my reasons. And some of the people can't stand me for that thank's for this.

Duality is complex. As sayed, we meet problably hundreds of our duals every day. They are very different people. So I want to say out from my own experience, that only few of the dual relations succeed. And why is that so? Because dual has to be the right one for you. If not, it's conflicting. She'll have to be in right age. Nation. Hobbys. Degree of intelligence. Emotional backgrownd. Otherwise you either don't care about her, or worst, the older you get, the more people's personalitys become deformated, and the more annoying she will be. Because if the duals personalitys are deformed. It will be a really horrible experience.

[Blaze]

i don't think we will ever come to terms with this question on this forum.

[Creepy-bg]

I think duality is just another relationship... sure it's nice and has some advantages, but so do all of the others. It's nothing magical anyways. It's not going to save the world or make crazy people sane or anything like that. A person can be just as productive and healthy outside of duality as they can be within (and the reverse is also true). It all depends on the person as an individual.

[Ms. Kensington]

well i mean your dual is really different from you. it makes sense that it might take more than an instant to appreciate and work together with them, espeically if you knew nothing about the theory and were not aware of what was complimentary to you.

It's written in the literature that when the dual is removed, it becomes apparent what you need from them. when you are together it doesn't seem like they seek you out.

[aka-kitsune]

Duality is complex. As sayed, we meet problably hundreds of our duals every day.

Um... I don't meet hundreds of people a day, let alone hundreds of duals.

[Creepy-bg]

jsb gets around :wink:

[Not A Communist Shill]

I have hundreds of duals everyday - I win most of them.

[XoX]

It's written in the literature that when the dual is removed, it becomes apparent what you need from them. when you are together it doesn't seem like they seek you out.

I can see that happening. Perhaps your dual even annoys you a bit at first. Especially if you haven't experienced duality before. You might focus too much on what they are missing (the things which you are strong with) that you don't fully understand their contributions. Their leading function is after all an opposite of yours. You are perhaps initially judging them as if they were your identical and they fail badly at that. However when they are removed from you after a longer period of interaction then you start to see how valuable their contribution actually was and if you get back together again it will be much easier to appreciate them. I think there is a point where you might start to take your duals contributions "for granted" and only if they are removed from your presence you realize what you are missing.

[aka-kitsune]

I have hundreds of duals everyday - I win most of them.

LOL...!

[Animal]

well i mean your dual is really different from you. it makes sense that it might take more than an instant to appreciate and work together with them, espeically if you knew nothing about the theory and were not aware of what was complimentary to you.

It's written in the literature that when the dual is removed, it becomes apparent what you need from them. when you are together it doesn't seem like they seek you out.

Yeah. You need to realise what the other person has to offer you before you will feel any attraction to them beyond the superficial. Sometimes I've never gotten past that first step of impersonal formalities or one of us never experiences the comfort that duality theoretically allows for and so the "dualization" never gets off the ground.

Also, sometimes people decide to put up a front and prejudice themselves against any deep interaction - even potentially pleasant interaction. This can be the case in an environment where you don't feel comfortable or just would rather be somewhere else.

[aka-kitsune]

Also, sometimes people decide to put up a front and prejudice themselves against any deep interaction - even potentially pleasant interaction. This can be the case in an environment where you don't feel comfortable or just would rather be somewhere else.

This explains a good deal of my failed experiments in duality. A couple of them were just averse to any kind of emotional attachment. "Too much emotion" was the way one described his reason why he didn't want to get involved with me.

Of course, there was one in particular that was just really wonderful for a spell. Lots of shared experiences, a couple of birthdays and a Christmas. Then, he went back to his psycho ex-girlfriend, who he got engaged to, eventually married and divorced 6 mos. later. (Leaving her to move in with someone entirely different.)

Apparently, my mistake was telling him what a colossal mistake it was to get married.

[UDP]

Knowing your dual makes everything so much easier : )


Like Expat says a while back, you really do think that your dual is the best possible partner.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Your dual does not make you happy by his/her own. So if you are in a room with your dual, doing nothing, there is no special feelings at all.

Duality manifests itself when you start to face real problems, usually problems in which your waknessess start to show. Instead of a feeling of incompetency and despair, there is a feeling of support and understanding. On such situations, when receiving help from your dual, you feel sincere admiration for a person who does easily what you find almost impossible to do.

YES, YES, AND YES!!!! My dual defends/protects me when I need it the most. That's what matters. I can get along and be friendly with any type, and even like them very much. That's not the point of Duality.