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Thread: ENFps who are not "life of the party"

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    Default ENFps who are not "life of the party"

    hey all, i just found this forum thru a google search and its super

    ne ways, on to the topic, im definatly an ENFP, however i have noticed that while im supposed to b the "life of the party" i definatly am not unless i am around people i trust, i cant go to a party w/ all strangers and come alive

    just wondering if any other ENFP's out there (or someone who knows a lot for that matter) are the same
    Last edited by silke; 06-22-2015 at 04:30 AM. Reason: edited out spam link

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    I wouldnt go to a party if I didnt know anybody. Im best around at least a few friends. I really come alive when music is playing but I would feel nervous in a group of strangers.
    Welcome to Delta.

    Topaz

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    Default Re: question for ENFP's, or people who know about us

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFPaaron
    ne ways, on to the topic,
    Dude, this could've been worked into some awesome punning
    I(N)Tj

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    punning is never awesome
    LOL!
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Hi there! Here is another ENFP, so you aren't alone. I'm not a "life of a party" and never was. Are supposed ENFP's be like that? I guess no. ESFP's like partys (indeed!). Partys aren't my thing.
    And, Pedro-the-Lion, you are not the only one who has/had depressive times. Here's one ENFP who is really depressed at the moment (actually the past years; never mind) and it sucks.

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    I think it would help to put it like this: "ENFPs are the life of the party, provided they manage to feel at ease." From what I picked up on this forum, ENFPs apparently tend to be very entertaining, almost like stand-up comedians, but only if they're in the mood. I know I'm like that. It's nothing I can do "on purpose" - it either happens or it doesn't. That seems to be more or less typical for ENFPs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    I think it would help to put it like this: "ENFPs are the life of the party, provided they manage to feel at ease." From what I picked up on this forum, ENFPs apparently tend to be very entertaining, almost like stand-up comedians, but only if they're in the mood. I know I'm like that. It's nothing I can do "on purpose" - it either happens or it doesn't. That seems to be more or less typical for ENFPs.
    So true. I had an ESFP buddy who would expect me to perform on command like some kind of wind-up toy. He invited me to this dinner party and without my knowledge told everyone I would just have them on the floor. I wasnt in the mood and just sat there smiling wondering why eveyone kept staring at me. It hadnt occured to me that I need something either from within or without to trigger that craziness. Otherwise I can be quite mellow or even pensive. I have also notice that certain types tend to trigger this kind of behavior in me more than others. Around some people I dont even know what to say at all. Now thats weird.

    Topaz

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    I had similar experiences. I hate when people expect from me to do something when I'm not in mood for it and are staring at me. It all really depends of my mood. [/img]

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    punning is never awesome
    ~w/Ev~ haha
    it's fun.
    I(N)Tj

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    I don't know, but it does sound ENFp to me. How is it for you?
    Kim,
    I can totally relate to what youre saying. I tend to bite off a big chunk of responsibilities (or someone does it for me ) and I'll do fine until I hit a slump and then Im depressed for a week or so and I have to fight to get back on track. Its not the debilitating depression that prevents me from performing at all but some things are soooo hard to get done, like laundry, exersize and shopping and I dont know.... Anyway, if I get a good nights sleep that helps. Sometimes when I feel like that though I hope someone will call and pull me out of it, and for some strange reason to me, no one wants to call me. If I can get myself to call someone they all seem to be busy or something So what do I do? I watch a movie, eat some comfort food and go to bed. The next day I feel great, get up, go exersize and even make out a to-do list to catch up. Then I do all I have to do in one day. On top of that, everyone miraculously starts calling all at the same time. Its crazy. I have to turn down invitations. I dont understand it but it seems to go in cycles like that. Go figure.

    Topaz

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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    Sometimes when I feel like that though I hope someone will call and pull me out of it, and for some strange reason to me, no one wants to call me. If I can get myself to call someone they all seem to be busy or something So what do I do? I watch a movie, eat some comfort food and go to bed. The next day I feel great, get up, go exersize and even make out a to-do list to catch up. Then I do all I have to do in one day. On top of that, everyone miraculously starts calling all at the same time. Its crazy. I have to turn down invitations. I dont understand it but it seems to go in cycles like that. Go figure.


    Do a lot of the Deltas feel like this?
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    I can also identify with everything said in this thread. Man those mood swings can really bite. I find they're so sudden too, take last night - I was walking home listening to "Filter - Take A Picture" and I just felt on top of the world like nothing could get me down. Then *swing* this morning I just felt like everything is bad (over it now though! ). Is it just me or do you guys lose sight of all your plans and drive? I find it doesn't last long, and thanks to a few choice ESFP friends I get dragged out of it even quicker. So take my advice! When you feel like crap, find an ESFP! (Go out and do stuff though, don't, whatever you do, get into a depression session with them! )

    And yeah, I find I can't bring out the free spirit around INTJs and the like (especially ISFJ) - I just feel that they're way too critical of that side of me. It's not a problem, I'm still myself around them, just a quieter more-serious me.

    As for being the life of the party... umm I guess so! Though unlike ESFPs I can't just perform for everyone right away, have to build it up, figure everyone out first. But often I'll just want to sit there and listen for a bit. That's fun too.
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky


    Do a lot of the Deltas feel like this?
    I dont know if its a Delta thing or just a people thing. I used to live with a SEE and he said he would go through the same thing Up till then I thought it was just me. He was a great guy, I wish we had more in common.

    Topaz

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    God that sounds familiar, really pissed off my INTP father. Thank God I moved out!
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    Sometimes when I feel like that though I hope someone will call and pull me out of it, and for some strange reason to me, no one wants to call me. If I can get myself to call someone they all seem to be busy or something So what do I do? I watch a movie, eat some comfort food and go to bed. The next day I feel great, get up, go exersize and even make out a to-do list to catch up. Then I do all I have to do in one day. On top of that, everyone miraculously starts calling all at the same time. Its crazy. I have to turn down invitations. I dont understand it but it seems to go in cycles like that. Go figure.


    Do a lot of the Deltas feel like this?
    yes definatly, thats like my life
    ________
    free vaporizer
    Last edited by ENFPaaron; 01-28-2011 at 02:07 PM.

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    Creepy-ENFPerator

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    KIM wrote:
    I really think that depression is different for different types.

    Hmm.. Could be. What I have is not actually a "real" depression, it's a combination of rapid mood swings, anxiaty and depression. I believe some ENFPs have a inclination towards paranoia. My psychotherapist said that my biggest problem is a lack of basic trust (basic mistrust?). Anyway, when I read these topics I think "Thats exactly how I think!" And finding an ESFP is a good idea. At the school I knew one who could drag me out of my hole and make me laugh. No one else could do that.

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    Mood swings: I do that too. I can be on top of the world and then something hits my "self destruct" button. My husband says it's like watching a ship under full sails, and then it suddenly goes to pieces, and a moment later all that's left is a bit of debris floating on the waves. Your description was so accurate. Weird. I used to think I was the only one.

    The pattern is always the same. Sudden mood swing. Then: sitting around feeling paralyzed by a plethora of mundane tasks. The WORST is having to deal with complicated official paperwork. A close second: having to ring someone up because of complicated official paperwork. Almost as bad: housework (cooking, washing, washing up, cleaning, tidying up). I sit around totally stunned, convinced that it's just too much and I'll NEVER make it. No one calls. No one comes to visit. People I'd arranged to meet that day ring me up and say they're too busy. I go shopping, and everybody's bad-tempered.

    Then, miraculously, I'm back on track again. I make a to-do list, and then I put in some music and zoom around the flat like Superman, doing everything at once. I get tons of e-mail, the phone rings, and everybody wants to see me and be my best friend. Even the people I meet in the tram are friendly.

    WHY?!

    What do you say to this:
    What triggers these moodswings in ENFPs are
    (a) too many annoying, pesky little routine jobs that require painstaking attention to detail
    (b) prolonged, enforced solitude
    (c) boredom
    Correspondingly, our depressed mood is closely connected to
    (a) feeling unable to do those little routine jobs
    (b) feeling lonely, left out, unappreciated and unlovable
    (c) losing energy

    As for a real, proper depression: IMO it takes from us some of the things ENFPs really, really need. It makes us withdraw from people, and it makes us lose interest in life, the universe and everything. It hits us where it really hurts. A depressed ENFP is like Las Vegas without the lights and games.

    Another question: Has anyone figured out how to avoid those moodswings?

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    All of the above? Especially feeling left out & bored. That'll drop my mood as quick as a flash.
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NFp-
    Quote Originally Posted by ENFPerator
    KIM wrote:
    I really think that depression is different for different types.

    Hmm.. Could be. What I have is not actually a "real" depression, it's a combination of rapid mood swings, anxiaty and depression. I believe some ENFPs have a inclination towards paranoia. My psychotherapist said that my biggest problem is a lack of basic trust (basic mistrust?). Anyway, when I read these topics I think "Thats exactly how I think!" And finding an ESFP is a good idea. At the school I knew one who could drag me out of my hole and make me laugh. No one else could do that.
    How was your parents' behaviour towards you when you were a baby? I hope your psychotherapist is not using Freud or Erikson's model to analyze you because he will wind up telling all ENFps that they are stuck in the trust vs. mistrust stage.

    What you describe happens to me from time to time, mostly during those major life changes. I find this mental and emotional restlessness quite characteristic of ENFps. That's not to say we are messed up (this is why I think psychs. need to know Socionics) but the make-up of our psyche probably pre-disposes us to that. What do you guys think? Is it a by-product of having extraverted intuition?

    By the way ENFperator, I don't know your story so I hope that I don't come across as dismissing your depression (or the credibility of your psychotherapist for that matter).
    When I was a child my parents attitude towards me was pretty negative. I never felt really safe with them, because were almost constantly critisizing me, threatening to leave, humiliating, sapnking and blaming for the fact that I can't be the way they want. I felt lonely, unappreciated and unlovable. It's hard for me to trust people and I've thoughts like "what is their true motive?", "he/she is not trustworthy" and "I can't trust them, they will only use me."After last year I had panic attacks and in the beginning of this year I was (almost) unable to communicate and couldn't perform simple routine tasks. I was desperate and went to a psychotherapist. Which model is she using I don't know and about the basic mistrust she mentioned only last week. May be assumed that the reason for my problems is the abuse in my childhood (without basic mistrust) or something else I can't remember. Or may be because I didn't tell her about certain thoughts I have. Are you a doctor?

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    All you IEEs are so depressive... what you need is an SLI to give up all a big hug.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NFp_
    No, I'm not a doctor.

    Just a psych. major (and a lazy one at that).
    Thanks! One thing is sure, even in your state you're smarter then all those pseudo-physicians (doctors of traditional medicine) that "treated" me for years before I managed to "escape". They should learn more about psychology, psychotherapy, socionics (may be in the future) and other theories, because they couldn't figure out what is my problem and didn''t send me to the right specialist. This had to be said!

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    I'm not depressive!
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by NFp_
    No, I'm not a doctor.

    Just a psych. major (and a lazy one at that).
    Thanks! One thing is sure, even in your state you're smarter then all those pseudo-physicians (doctors of traditional medicine) that "treated" me for years before I managed to "escape". They should learn more about psychology, psychotherapy, socionics (may be in the future) and other theories, because they couldn't figure out what is my problem and didn''t send me to the right specialist. This had to be said!
    It's my post, I even forgot to write my name. Damn!

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    Quote Originally Posted by NeonMonk
    I'm not depressive!
    Good to hear, because I already stated to think that all ENFPs here are depressive.

  25. #25
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    Your're right. Sometimes I do or say things I don't want and should to. I know that's one of my problems. That's one reason why I'm in a therapy. It's just the huge dissapointment and I'm mad at certain people who made problems where there weren't any and turned my life into a hell. Please don't take too seriously what I'm saying.

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    wow its great to c where this thread has gone in a couple days, great discussion guys, thanks a lot helped me w/ lots of issues i didnt even knew i had w/ myself

    like i definatly get the mood swings all the time and couldnt pin down why, but when i thought about it that list that was posted fit perfectly.

    just something to add to the list tho, i also end up feeling down after a long day/night of being out w/ my introverted friends who go home in the evening because they cant take the long social interactions and i suddenly find myself w/ nobody to talk to

    just a thought
    ________
    ipod games
    Last edited by ENFPaaron; 01-28-2011 at 02:07 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NFp-
    What else do I find painstaking which is effortless to other people... tasks like arranging for a hotel accomodation, searching for a new place to rent (and then doing the negotiating) and figuring out the bus routes in the city. I always expect someone to help me with these. Goodness, I know my parents and sister can't help me forever. How daunting.

    Honestly, I also don't have any idea on how to avoid those mood swings. It arrives anytime it wants and goes away very quickly only to resurface some time later. But I find that these bouts get more repetitive once I moved out. It could be because I've no one to take care of those everyday tasks (what a bad way of looking at my mother). Ah, I'm not quite sure myself.
    Now that is interesting. I feel like that too sometimes when I'm having to organize stuff: it's a faint echo of the feeling children have when they're asked to do grown-up work. They stand there, going "errrrr...", bewildered and desperate, wondering why the adults aren't here to help them. Reminds me of what I've read about the 4th and 5th function. Which of those would be the "skill to attend to a million of pesky detail jobs" function for ENFPs?

    But think about it, if you've got someone to take care of all that, you can devote yourself to other interesting causes which will charge you up with positive energy.
    I'd love to have someone else take care of it. Unfortunately, I'm married to an ISFP who detests that stuff just as much as I do AND (unlike myself) manages to even avoid worrying about it. I've also got a daughter. So I'm the one who's supposed to take care of that pesky stuff, or at least that's the traditional role. Man brings money, wife organizes stuff and reminds him of important things. Oh, I hate that. My husband doesn't really expect it of me: that's a great comfort.

    I try and find the best, most fuss-free, most idiot-proof way of organizing myself. I've come up with one idea I'm particularly proud of. It's the prefab shopping list. It works like this: I listed all the basic foodstuff things I usually have in my kitchen, printed the list out, and now when I need to make a shopping list I just tick the boxes of the things I need. It saves me from having to try and remember what's missing in my fridge and larder. (If it's missing, it isn't there in the first place, so how am I supposed to remember it?!) I also arranged the list according to where the items are found in our supermarkets. It sounds like organizational overkill, but it actually saves me a lot of time and botheration. Plus, it's great to see the lists hanging on my fridge and pat myself on the back: "I'm an organized person. I make lists."

    For me it's important to accept that I have different priorities from other types. I need to "feed" myself with lots of new, interesting, inspirational stuff - new books, new theories, new people, new music, new everything - and I need to do it even if it doesn't make sense to some people. What they understand is searching for new things in order to find something; like shopping around until you find the best brand of, say, tea. With us, it's not the tea we're after - we're after newness. Otherness. Stimulation. Interest. We buy things simply because they're inspirational. ("You bought WHAT?! Butterscotch-flavoured green tea?!") But trying to become more staid and sober can take something away from us, something we actually need.

    Are our moodswings a natural consequence from our being so exuberant sometimes (like, "what goes up must come down")?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    All you IEEs are so depressive... what you need is an SLI to give up all a big hug.
    That would be so nice. Too bad we cant transform ourselves into a dog or cat at will. Heck, we would probably even get a kiss if we could

    Topaz

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    Why don't you read my newer SLI description. I talk more about how SLIs act around people/ in relationships.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Why don't you read my newer SLI description. I talk more about how SLIs act around people/ in relationships.
    Well this all seems very acurate. As I mentioned once, SLI could possibly be the most sensitive type. I feel rather depressed now... excuse me

    Topaz

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    *hugs Topaz again to prevent self from being the extreme case SLI and to keep those IEEs from slipping into depression again*

    :wink:
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    To answer the question, enfp's that I know do like to be around people, go to parties, are quite social. I've also noticed that they need quite a bit of alone time and privacy. They get pissed if you try to invade this time, too.

    FWIW.
    Entp
    ILE

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Do a lot of the Deltas feel like this?
    i know that i can definitely identify with both what kim and topaz said. two thursdays ago i was all alone and to my surprise, i started willing my phone to ring, and when it didn't, i attempted to make plans, but of course people are busy and then i just feel really alone and like no one likes me. but usually if i get a good night's sleep, like topaz said, or if i do something like reading to keep myself occupied, i will feel fine the next day. and then i do make up for what i lacked before by keeping myself more busy with things i know i should do, but didn't have the motivation to do beforehand.
    in party situations, i am usually quiet and observant around those that i don't know as well. but if it is a group where i know most of the people, i'm usually the loudest and the clown. i know what makes people laugh, and i do it. around my closest friend (dudeins), i'm completely out of control silly. just ask her. i start to do things that even make me wonder, "where the hell did i comem up with that?" or "did i smoke crack today?". haha. no worries, no drugs for me. i definitely have what one would call a "natural high" all the time. ask dudeins.
    i love reading about how the other ENFp's in different situations, because it kind of reassures me that i am not just crazy and that it's pretty much part of my personality. i try not to get so depressed when i am alone, but i always do. and with the whole moodswing thing, i do have periods of time for like a week where i just feel depressed and like nothing is going my way. during those times, i am super sarcastic (more so than usual) and will basically bite off anyone's head that challenges me. i'm usually more stubborn too. anyone else like that too?
    *ENFp*
    Play with me!!

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    Wow, I'm surprised how much people in the same Quadra can some similar, even if you have vastly diffrent types.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    Yes, the biggest struggle right now is the desire to stay away from people and be by myself while wanting to be with people. People are my life, but I'm scared of them right now

    yet another thing that is EXACTLY like me! i feel like i rely on other people too much, especially to keep that mood of mine up, and i want to be able to control my moods. my newest conclusion is that if i become friends with more introverts (as of right now, i don't have many at all), i will be able to learn to become more independent from them, especially when it comes to relationships. so i am anxious to see how this little experiment of mine turns out. i'll let you all know. it'll take a while though, so don't be holding your breath.
    *ENFp*
    Play with me!!

  36. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    Another question: Has anyone figured out how to avoid those moodswings?
    I don't think you should avoid mood swings in general. Everyone has that. But I would (from my experience) suggest you to find out what is triggering this so that you can better control yourself. What happens around you when you have this, what are you thinking, feeling at that moment? I' ve learned that this have to do with my unconscious functions -Ni and Fe. These functions are storing negative information and you might not be aware what does it contain. So, something is triggering these mood swings and the hidden information is starting to become available. These could be thoughts, supressed emotions, memories, needs or something else. You might have to seek the answers from the past. If you find out the reasons for your problems you'll be able to control yourself. That's all I can suggest, because I have similar problems. May be you should change your lifestyle? What do you think about that?

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    Never turn your back on fear..."
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    @ENFPerator: Well, I am doing all of that, and that's precisely why I asked. It's always interesting to hear what others are doing. I agree, identifying the triggers is definitely helpful. I liked what you said about hidden information becoming available.

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    Don't ENFPs think too much about the future? In my opinion has more of a "here and now" quality (than ) and without the ability to foresee behavior and events (people may not agree on this). It's closer to the potencial of the present than of the future, it's more a feeling what COULD be than how it WILL be. I usually imagine what is possible with the available ressources of the present, insted of trying to get a picture of how things could look in 10 years. May be thoughts about the future aren't ENFp's thing? Just philosophizing.

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    for me, i don't dwell too much on the future. i like to have a general outline and idea of what i want to do, but i don't like to have something that keeps from allowing the spontaneous to happen. if there are too many plans that i am obligated to fufill, i feel suffocated because i feel like i have no room to do what i want to do when i want to do it. but i do like to have an idea of what i would like to do so that i have something to reach for so i don't feel stagnant. make sense?
    *ENFp*
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  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunflower
    for me, i don't dwell too much on the future. i like to have a general outline and idea of what i want to do, but i don't like to have something that keeps from allowing the spontaneous to happen. if there are too many plans that i am obligated to fufill, i feel suffocated because i feel like i have no room to do what i want to do when i want to do it. but i do like to have an idea of what i would like to do so that i have something to reach for so i don't feel stagnant. make sense?
    Absolutely. Sounds like thinking to me.


    ENFp's think of the craziest ideas that that may never happen. Imagine, two ENFps decide to meet after they haven't seen each other for a long time. One of them is late and the other one thinks about what he could say for his excuse. a)"I'm sorry, but I almost forgot our appointment!" b)"My car was broken." c)"My home burned down!" d)"A couple of jerks shot at me!" e)"My wife had a premature birth." f)"It's not my fault! I was kidnapped by aliens and they took me to their mothership, but I managed to escape!" g)"I want to see your pig snout no more!!
    And then he arrives and says: "I'm really sorry, but I met my cousin on the street!" ENFps have never been the most punctual ones.

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