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Thread: Examples of "power play" in Beta relationships?

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    UDP's Avatar
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    Default Examples of "power play" in Beta relationships?

    Explain them to me. I am not so sure if I am really interested in beta mating rituals, drama, powerplays, and the likes --- so listing some examples to better understand it would be helpful.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Blaze's Avatar
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    read the I'M SO DONE thread in beta. that's a great example.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    As far as I've observed, Betas do tend to do the power play / ritualistic stuff, but a huge part of it is actually subtle enough that most people wouldn't be able to detect it. Contrary to popular belief here, Betas don't tend to make big, dramatic scenes when romance is involved.

    I'll explain further when I have more time than I do now.
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    Powerplays are part of unhealthy Beta relationships that involve strong insecurities on both partners' sides. Betas try to cover up these insecurities, which range from feeling unattractive to unloveable to simply not being able to understand others' reactions to them, by using pride and power. The victim Betas, who often feel listless and helpless in relationships, try to gain power by inducing guilt and making others come to them. An example would be the silent treatment, or not calling someone for days on end. Either of these reactions might be for legitimate reasons such as punishment for a perceived wrong, or for stupid neurotic reasons such as flakiness and the need to feel desired and loved. Because they're so damned insecure and proud, Betas won't admit when they've been hurt, because feeling hurt as a result of someone else is a defeat in and of itself. It makes a Beta think, "wow, that person got to me. That person rejected me, that person didn't love me, and that reaffirms the fact that I don't feel loveable. That person needs to be punished, because my ego can't take any more hits."
    Not true in all cases, of course, but a recurring thread in the Beta fabric. I don't think this is solely a Beta tendency, though, because all people are vulnerable in relationships. It's a pain
    INFp, Intuitive subtype, Enneagram 6w5
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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Amen, uninspired, Amen.


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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Well, that is certainly the negative side of it.

    The other side is actually fun, more than anything, IME. They really just want to make little, subtle "one-ups" that are just naturally part of the relationship; it's not about power as in actually manipulatng someone, but as in exchanging power roles as a way of mixing things up, keeping it interesting. It's like fighting for control in sex, seeing who is better at staying on top ("in power"), etc. They don't necessarily do mean, nasty things to each other just because they have "power;" there is an element of trust involved, trust that the "power games" won't spin out of control and ruin the relationship, trust that they can have restraint and not go too far. The way I see it, it's really just another way to increase the emotional intensity that Beta is famous for.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Do betas like arguing and getting angry at each other? Things like that make me wonder about being in their quadra. Or is that just a common negative manifestation of beta?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    Well, that is certainly the negative side of it.

    The other side is actually fun, more than anything, IME. They really just want to make little, subtle "one-ups" that are just naturally part of the relationship; it's not about power as in actually manipulatng someone, but as in exchanging power roles as a way of mixing things up, keeping it interesting. It's like fighting for control in sex, seeing who is better at staying on top ("in power"), etc. They don't necessarily do mean, nasty things to each other just because they have "power;" there is an element of trust involved, trust that the "power games" won't spin out of control and ruin the relationship, trust that they can have restraint and not go too far. The way I see it, it's really just another way to increase the emotional intensity that Beta is famous for.
    I understand what you mean by this, I think that the constraint is that they have to be short lived, because otherwise trust starts to be broken.

    UDP: Let me quote an ISTj Ti description

    Logical subtype: it is restrained in the manifestation of feelings, the aim is clarity and definition, it is disposed to the flat relations, it badly transfers quarrels. It is inclined to the doubts and the distrustfulness. It manifests the concern about the partner, make pleasant trifles, gifts. It needs sensitive, delicate partner, since it is straight-line and simple in the sexual contact and it is sufficiently restrained in the manifestation emotions both positive, and negative. To it is necessary attentive, thoughtful person, which not it will tie to him its will. This must be person, who yields to his persuasions and who satisfies all its requirements.
    I know for example my father is really unsettled by quarrels. But sometimes it's the only way to make him understand when he's being unreasonable.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    heath's Avatar
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    i knew a beta couple, they broke up. possibly estp f - enfj m. Everything with them was fucking dramatic. They hated eachother, but more so they hated everyone else around them. I think they got together to be mean to their friends. I lived with the male and one night he and her were fighting and making up. I couldn't sleep through her drunken sobs. Her objections ranged from accusations of his interest in other women to him not loving her.

    "YOU DONT LOVE ME. NOO!!" "YOU LIKE HER! I SAW YOU FLIRTING WITH HER!"

    Then they had sex.

    She was openly conniving him most of the time. Trying to undermine him and make him look like a fool in front of his friends. But he was giantly arrogant and didn't take any notice.

    Another night everything was going okay and then the girl split off in a crying rage over something.

    It was kind of stupid, but he rest of us eventually shrugged it off. Playing into it would be the worst idea. I hated how whenever they fought they'd take 2 people with them to get involved in the whole mess and there were two less people having fun.

    usually it went like this:

    Girl gets upset over something seemingly minute, or something her neurotic mind percieves. She storms off crying after confronting him. He says something like, "whatever, fuck you." Girl storms off in tears. Later guy goes to talk to her, calls her an idiot, makes things worse.

    oh, and that girl was fucking nuts. One night she was fighting with him and she showed up at my house to piss him off(he use to be weird about me and her. He's cool, now). He showed up a few minutes later. I'd positioned myself far from her.

    ahahaha. i'd like to thank this thread for reminding me of all that. i don't miss high school one bit. I like both of them i should add. She's a very witty, sarcastic girl and he is a obnoxious fun lover who keeps conversation going.

    oh i thought of another one:
    She called his best friend's cellphone after a breaking up session and accused him and his girlfriend of being the puppetmaster of the entire event. Threatened violence, etc.

    I think uninspiried described the reason for the power struggle very well: Overwhelming insecurities in each.
    asd

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Ok, now that we have plenty of negative examples...

    Fabie, I'd agree that each individual "state of power" only lasts so long, but that's part of the nature of the game

    I really don't see why people are so inclined to see this stuff negatively. It seems innocent enough to me. I don't mind a little competition in an intimate relationship; it keeps things interesting
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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