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Thread: How do you deal with parents of an opposite quadra?

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    Default How do you deal with parents of an opposite quadra?

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    Last edited by female; 02-17-2008 at 02:39 AM.

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    thats what parents do. they have lived with parents and moved out. they are trying to help you understand that eventually you will have to move on in your life and when you are out on your own they want you to be disciplined enough not to live in your own squalor. Your mom takes a guilting approach. Tell her you'd like to do things with her and would enjoy her company more if she didn't backhandedly guilt and shame you into action. Or you could just do something productive everyday and she'll probably get off your back. I mean, they may be assholes or whatever, but they did feed you and house you for many years.
    asd

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    My mom herself is always doing something, always cleaning, always straightening things up.
    INFj? I doubt it.

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    My ESFp mother and I do not get along. At all. We haven't since I was about three years old.
    EII

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    there is plenty wrong with me
    but I fixed up a few old buildings
    and I've planted a few trees.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush
    My mom herself is always doing something, always cleaning, always straightening things up.
    INFj? I doubt it.
    Yeah i agree this doesn't fit in my world at all. This sounds a lot like my ISFj mum! She will say things like whats your game plan to me today aswell.

    Could be unfortunately time to move out that might be the only way to make everyone happy.
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    Your mother is ISFj. Laugh and tell her to go play cards with you when she tells you that everything is to be done.

    Oh, and tell you you're going to hang out with a group of drug addicts when she tells you what's your plan for the day.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    My dad is an INTj and he totally drives me crazy. For instance, he doesn't give compliments and only knows how to pick on every (minor) mistake I make. For example, when I misplaced my handphone, he would comment that I'm absentminded and he referred to it as if it is my trait, even though my family acknowledged that he was the one who often makes such errors of similar nature.

    He tends to put me down by listing my weaknesses to me and how I compare to others who are similar to me (eg. same gender, same age, same educational qualification etc.). This led me to have low self-esteem at certain areas of my life which were criticized, and I find it amusing that he questioned about my lack of self-esteem when he was the one who perpetrated it in the first place. I am well aware of my own weaknesses and I don't see the need for him to blatantly name them especially when his criticisms are not only extremely negative but most importantly unconstructive.

    He is prone in making unbeneficial hypothetical statements such as "If you had done this in the first place, you would not have.....", "If you had a chance to choose another course of study, would you have.....". I mean, what's done cannot be undone. It is better to make the best out of the current situation and plan for the future rather than reiterating and criticizing past mistakes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    My dad is an INTj and he totally drives me crazy. For instance, he doesn't give compliments and only knows how to pick on every (minor) mistake I make. For example, when I misplaced my handphone, he would comment that I'm absentminded and he referred to it as if it is my trait, even though my family acknowledged that he was the one who often makes such errors of similar nature.

    He tends to put me down by listing my weaknesses to me and how I compare to others who are similar to me (eg. same gender, same age, same educational qualification etc.). This led me to have low self-esteem at certain areas of my life which were criticized, and I find it amusing that he questioned about my lack of self-esteem when he was the one who perpetrated it in the first place. I am well aware of my own weaknesses and I don't see the need for him to blatantly name them especially when his criticisms are not only extremely negative but most importantly unconstructive.

    He is prone in making unbeneficial hypothetical statements such as "If you had done this in the first place, you would not have.....", "If you had a chance to choose another course of study, would you have.....". I mean, what's done cannot be undone. It is better to make the best out of the current situation and plan for the future rather than reiterating and criticizing past mistakes.
    wow. My dad is very similar.
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Your mother is ISFj. Laugh and tell her to go play cards with you when she tells you that everything is to be done.

    Oh, and tell you you're going to hang out with a group of drug addicts when she tells you what's your plan for the day.
    Hehe when im in a bad mood my mum will say "have you done the dishes?, or is your essay completed?". I just say "yep sure have" even when theres a massive pile of dishes there lol. I always feel guilty about 5 minutes after though and go do them

    "Have you been smoking meatburger?"
    "No of course not mum just a little bit of cocaine"

    Seems like we use a similar strategy FDG
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    I'm trying to remember what it was like living with my dad (ENFj) when I was a kid. I think what bothered me most about him was that he had tons and tons of stupid stupid rules that existed for no real reason except to keep us in line. I hated that. It's hard to know what problems came from the quadra differences and which were due to other factors. Anyway, he and my INFj sister, and I think for that matter he and my ISFj brother, had more problems than he had and I had.
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    I was the only Gamma in an Alpha household (ISFp father, ESFj mother, ENTp brother).

    I dealt with it by -- dealing with it *shrug* there isn't really much you can do apart from accepting it as long as necessary and then going away.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    I was the only Gamma in an Alpha household (ISFp father, ESFj mother, ENTp brother).

    I dealt with it by -- dealing with it *shrug* there isn't really much you can do apart from accepting it as long as necessary and then going away.
    Do you think that living in that kind of environment could cause you to have self doubt? Of course i dont see any of it in you know but did it ever make you think why am i so different to them?
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

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    I have no clue what this topic has to do with socionics.

    But when my mom gets that way it helps if I try to calmly get her to have fun or talk about something else. When she acts like that she is usually unnecessarily critical on herself. She just want things to be perfect and normal though I try to calm her down and explain the 'reality' of the situation more. If she thinks another family is perfect or better than hers she'll get upset.

    I think that behavior is pretty common and nothing to do with socionics...just the culture of American mothers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    "Have you been smoking meatburger?"
    "No of course not mum just a little bit of cocaine"
    lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    I was the only Gamma in an Alpha household (ISFp father, ESFj mother, ENTp brother).

    I dealt with it by -- dealing with it *shrug* there isn't really much you can do apart from accepting it as long as necessary and then going away.
    Do you think that living in that kind of environment could cause you to have self doubt? Of course i dont see any of it in you know but did it ever make you think why am i so different to them?
    Sure. It was "why do you have to be that way" and "why can't you be normal" and "you just want to be different, drop it" or "you're a horrible person". All the time.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    My dad wasn't that bad by a long shot. He'd say something like, "You're one of those hippie do-your-own-thing types. But that's OK. I've known people who were like that and they were good people." So I guess kudos to my dad for not thinking something was wrong with me for being different than him. Of course his dad was ENFp and his mom was INFj so that probably warmed him up to us at least to some extent. I would hope.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    Well, "all the time" was exaggerated -- let us say, "at more or less regular intervals".
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    My dad is an INTj and he totally drives me crazy. For instance, he doesn't give compliments and only knows how to pick on every (minor) mistake I make. For example, when I misplaced my handphone, he would comment that I'm absentminded and he referred to it as if it is my trait, even though my family acknowledged that he was the one who often makes such errors of similar nature.

    He tends to put me down by listing my weaknesses to me and how I compare to others who are similar to me (eg. same gender, same age, same educational qualification etc.). This led me to have low self-esteem at certain areas of my life which were criticized, and I find it amusing that he questioned about my lack of self-esteem when he was the one who perpetrated it in the first place. I am well aware of my own weaknesses and I don't see the need for him to blatantly name them especially when his criticisms are not only extremely negative but most importantly unconstructive.


    He is prone in making unbeneficial hypothetical statements such as "If you had done this in the first place, you would not have.....", "If you had a chance to choose another course of study, would you have.....". I mean, what's done cannot be undone. It is better to make the best out of the current situation and plan for the future rather than reiterating and criticizing past mistakes.
    Are you sure that he is an INTj. I find it hard to imagine an INTj who would make such Aristocratic comparisons. INTjs generally look at people as individuals in respect to their own potential and not necessarily how they compare with others. Do you think he may actually be an ISTj?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Logos
    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    My dad is an INTj and he totally drives me crazy. For instance, he doesn't give compliments and only knows how to pick on every (minor) mistake I make. For example, when I misplaced my handphone, he would comment that I'm absentminded and he referred to it as if it is my trait, even though my family acknowledged that he was the one who often makes such errors of similar nature.

    He tends to put me down by listing my weaknesses to me and how I compare to others who are similar to me (eg. same gender, same age, same educational qualification etc.). This led me to have low self-esteem at certain areas of my life which were criticized, and I find it amusing that he questioned about my lack of self-esteem when he was the one who perpetrated it in the first place. I am well aware of my own weaknesses and I don't see the need for him to blatantly name them especially when his criticisms are not only extremely negative but most importantly unconstructive.


    He is prone in making unbeneficial hypothetical statements such as "If you had done this in the first place, you would not have.....", "If you had a chance to choose another course of study, would you have.....". I mean, what's done cannot be undone. It is better to make the best out of the current situation and plan for the future rather than reiterating and criticizing past mistakes.
    Are you sure that he is an INTj. I find it hard to imagine an INTj who would make such Aristocratic comparisons. INTjs generally look at people as individuals in respect to their own potential and not necessarily how they compare with others. Do you think he may actually be an ISTj?
    I think he's more likely an INTj subtype. He is less focused and more indecisive as compared to an ISTj. Like other NT types, he's into books, lifelong learning, personal development and tends to sign up for many courses to improve his knowledge and expertise. However, I'm always puzzled about his rationale in applying for the courses. A lot of them tend to be unrelated to his career path, but he claimed that he might need the knowledge in future eg. attending Korean language classes a decade ago even though he didn't need it for his career at all. Whenever I questioned about the time and effort he has to put in for something which he might not be able to practise at all, he would be like, "Eunice, you should always prepare for the future because you might not know when you will need these skills. I obtained these qualifications/licenses as backups just in case I have a change of career."

    As for his indecisiveness, he tends to change his decisions quite frequently eg. deciding where to dine. He would ask for our family's opinions before deciding on the location. A while later after we had decided on the dining place, he would make other random suggestions after he had caught sight of other interesting places as he was driving. It absolutely drives me crazy when he does that. As long as it is not something important or significant, I usually don't like to change plans abruptly and prefer to follow through the original plan, even if something more interesting comes along.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Logos
    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    My dad is an INTj and he totally drives me crazy. For instance, he doesn't give compliments and only knows how to pick on every (minor) mistake I make. For example, when I misplaced my handphone, he would comment that I'm absentminded and he referred to it as if it is my trait, even though my family acknowledged that he was the one who often makes such errors of similar nature.

    He tends to put me down by listing my weaknesses to me and how I compare to others who are similar to me (eg. same gender, same age, same educational qualification etc.). This led me to have low self-esteem at certain areas of my life which were criticized, and I find it amusing that he questioned about my lack of self-esteem when he was the one who perpetrated it in the first place. I am well aware of my own weaknesses and I don't see the need for him to blatantly name them especially when his criticisms are not only extremely negative but most importantly unconstructive.


    He is prone in making unbeneficial hypothetical statements such as "If you had done this in the first place, you would not have.....", "If you had a chance to choose another course of study, would you have.....". I mean, what's done cannot be undone. It is better to make the best out of the current situation and plan for the future rather than reiterating and criticizing past mistakes.
    Are you sure that he is an INTj. I find it hard to imagine an INTj who would make such Aristocratic comparisons. INTjs generally look at people as individuals in respect to their own potential and not necessarily how they compare with others. Do you think he may actually be an ISTj?
    Try being a dad. It might be different. My dad is a INTj-Ne.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    Quote Originally Posted by Logos
    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    My dad is an INTj and he totally drives me crazy. For instance, he doesn't give compliments and only knows how to pick on every (minor) mistake I make. For example, when I misplaced my handphone, he would comment that I'm absentminded and he referred to it as if it is my trait, even though my family acknowledged that he was the one who often makes such errors of similar nature.

    He tends to put me down by listing my weaknesses to me and how I compare to others who are similar to me (eg. same gender, same age, same educational qualification etc.). This led me to have low self-esteem at certain areas of my life which were criticized, and I find it amusing that he questioned about my lack of self-esteem when he was the one who perpetrated it in the first place. I am well aware of my own weaknesses and I don't see the need for him to blatantly name them especially when his criticisms are not only extremely negative but most importantly unconstructive.


    He is prone in making unbeneficial hypothetical statements such as "If you had done this in the first place, you would not have.....", "If you had a chance to choose another course of study, would you have.....". I mean, what's done cannot be undone. It is better to make the best out of the current situation and plan for the future rather than reiterating and criticizing past mistakes.
    Are you sure that he is an INTj. I find it hard to imagine an INTj who would make such Aristocratic comparisons. INTjs generally look at people as individuals in respect to their own potential and not necessarily how they compare with others. Do you think he may actually be an ISTj?
    Try being a dad. It might be different. My dad is a INTj-Ne.
    If it is related to being a dad, then fathers of all types would criticize, but this seems to be kind of unusual INTj Ti or Ne-subtype behavior.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Logos
    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    Quote Originally Posted by Logos
    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    My dad is an INTj and he totally drives me crazy. For instance, he doesn't give compliments and only knows how to pick on every (minor) mistake I make. For example, when I misplaced my handphone, he would comment that I'm absentminded and he referred to it as if it is my trait, even though my family acknowledged that he was the one who often makes such errors of similar nature.

    He tends to put me down by listing my weaknesses to me and how I compare to others who are similar to me (eg. same gender, same age, same educational qualification etc.). This led me to have low self-esteem at certain areas of my life which were criticized, and I find it amusing that he questioned about my lack of self-esteem when he was the one who perpetrated it in the first place. I am well aware of my own weaknesses and I don't see the need for him to blatantly name them especially when his criticisms are not only extremely negative but most importantly unconstructive.


    He is prone in making unbeneficial hypothetical statements such as "If you had done this in the first place, you would not have.....", "If you had a chance to choose another course of study, would you have.....". I mean, what's done cannot be undone. It is better to make the best out of the current situation and plan for the future rather than reiterating and criticizing past mistakes.
    Are you sure that he is an INTj. I find it hard to imagine an INTj who would make such Aristocratic comparisons. INTjs generally look at people as individuals in respect to their own potential and not necessarily how they compare with others. Do you think he may actually be an ISTj?
    Try being a dad. It might be different. My dad is a INTj-Ne.
    If it is related to being a dad, then fathers of all types would criticize, but this seems to be kind of unusual INTj Ti or Ne-subtype behavior.
    -_________-
    I'm not saying it is related to being a dad.

    I'm saying that it is not impossible for INTj dads to sometimes be that way?
    INTp
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    Of course is not impossible for INTjs to criticize, but the subject matter as well as the extent and degree to which eunice talks about this fatherly criticism is what seems abnormal for an INTj, especially since most INTj fathers are mostly about equal relations and giving their children the freedom to be children.
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    That's pretty common I'm afraid for parents of all types. It might have felt worse to her with him being her supervisor.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    That's pretty common I'm afraid for parents of all types. It might have felt worse to her with him being her supervisor.
    You are right about that. But I know Mea is an ENFp, but isn't eunice (the one originally in question) claiming to be an ISFj nowadays? So eunice's father (if he is an INTj) would not be her Supervisor.
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    Oh well then I don't know the specifics of why it feels so bad, but a lot of parents - of all types - do that and there could be a non-socionics reason why she's more deeply hurt by that than some people are.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    Oh well then I don't know the specifics of why it feels so bad, but a lot of parents - of all types - do that and there could be a non-socionics reason why she's more deeply hurt by that than some people are.
    Understandable then. My mother (ENFj) would often criticize me for my lack of (her HA) and when I did exert it was always at the wrong time and usually from her pushing me where I did not want to be pushed. But despite that, I still got along with her incredibly well. Nor would I say that suffered self-esteem issues because of that. My only time when I arguably shrunk into a shell of low self-esteem (and this is according to her estimates of my self-esteem throughout my years) was during Middle School where I was at the school in which she taught. And since she is such a sociable personality (again ENFj) I just felt as if I was living in her shadow during those years.
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