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Thread: Attractiveness of super-ego relations

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    Default Attractiveness of super-ego relations

    Do you find your superego very attractive?

    I have always liked INFjs, but I am quite sure about being IJ myself, and most recently, it seems I am ISTj.
    What do you think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rick's site
    Each partner is the embodiment of many qualities the other wishes he had and tries unsuccessfully to develop in himself. Talking about these respective strengths can be enthralling if partners find interest in each other. If partners have a common mission, they cover each others' weak areas, making for a powerful team. However, close cooperation and ironing out details is difficult, as partners can't agree on principles. Conflicts and disagreements between super-ego partners are out in the open and are usually discussed very vocally, at times causing heated arguments without a clear winner.
    What if you DO agree on principles? I agree on many ideological principles with INFjs very often.


    Any thoughts?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    What id you DO agree on principles? I agree with many ideological principles with INFjs very often.
    err...?


    Anyway, I think that description is pretty accurate in describing my relations with ESTps.
    I have a close friend who is ESTp and we can't agree on principles or certain issues. But there's always something we admire about each other, that we feel we're not as good as our super-ego.

    I remember once he was talking about relationships, and he stated that if A like B, and B likes A, they should be together. And one should woo someone if they like someone, 'cause he would.

    And I disagreed. Because I felt that he was missing out on the other things besides the feelings they have for each other. Like values, directions in life, etc. And I gave him examples on it, but he got frustrated and said I was throwing too many possibilities at him. To him, it was as simple as, if you like someone, go for it, things can work out if the feelings are mutual.

    What I admire about him, is the way he handles confrontations. There was once a group of people confronted him, and their reason was that he was staring at them and wanted to pick a fight.
    They hurled insults at him, and he just shrugged and said "I thought you looked like a friend of mine". He was so cool about it, even when they tried to provoke him more. He kinda showed that he wouldn't mind taking them on, but he did not want and did not need to. Very entertaining.
    I don't think I would've handled it as well.

    So yes, I find my super-ego attractive. Not all though.
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    What if you DO agree on principles? I agree on many ideological principles with INFjs very often.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Yes, UDP, I officially allow you to have sex with that hot INFj.
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    However, close cooperation and ironing out details is difficult, as partners can't agree on principles.
    I think this is a key area of conflict that has a difficult time disappearing during a relationship. Each other thinks that they could function a lot better if they changed their attitudes and principles in different areas of life.

    In my experience, communication is also at odds, because you still communicate through ego ~ super-ego functions. Essentially, each one wants the other to react in a certain way to the information to put forward, but each one feels the feedback and other information the other person gives doesn't lead anywhere or conclude anything the person wants. Sure, each person makes up for each others weak functions, but in general, the person really doesn't care one way or the other about what the other person is making up for in the relation.

    I think I am going to need to re-write that.
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    My dad is ESTj, so if I would admit to any regular romantic emotions towards ESTjs, it would be like admitting that Freud was right all along. PS! so far I don't think I've ever had the hots for any delta ST.
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    I don't find Super Ego's to be extra attractive.

    Although the respect part always feels great.

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    Default Re: Super Ego

    UDP, you don't come across like an ISTj.

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    I know. Suggestions please?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    To answer the question, I do tend to find ESFjs attractive, except when they are into excessive .

    As for your type -- which one between ISTj and INTj would you prefer to be, and why?
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
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    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    I know. Suggestions please?
    to me udp intj still seems to fit best. but you do seem a little different than the intj's i know. you seem Ne dominant maybe. and you seem to value spirituality quite a bit which might not be typical for an intj.

    i really don't see you as an istj AT ALL. they are way more practical and forceful than you are.

    infj doesn't fit because you are in your head way more than they are.

    isfj doesn't fit because your thinking is too out of the box and you don't seem prissy enough.

    you could be an intp but you say your temperament is ij.

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    superego relations are actually not as bad as socionics describe. i just keep them at a task and social level. i can't imagine being in a close relationship with an esfp. i do find their strengths appealing and it's interesting to watch them do their thing.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Well, I just wrote tiny bit about being with my super-ego in Expat's model thread.
    What if you DO agree on principles? I agree on many ideological principles with INFjs very often
    We do agree on a lot of principles, but on the ones we don't....well, you read that bit about the heated arguments Usually I'm the one pissed at his lack of principle, OR he is pissed at my indifference to one of his principles. Which I could think up a good example but I can't atm
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    Default Super-ego relations

    Why are we always attracted to our super-egos even though they are from a conflicting quadra? I saw this situation around me very often, real life examples include INFj-ISTj, ENFp-ESTp, ENTj-ESFj, ESTj-ENFj, INFp-ISTp etc. What type of positive benefits do we gain from this relation?

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    Default Re: Super-ego relations

    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    Why are we always attracted to our super-egos even though they are from a conflicting quadra? I saw this situation around me very often, real life examples include INFj-ISTj, ENFp-ESTp, ENTj-ESFj, ESTj-ENFj, INFp-ISTp etc. What type of positive benefits do we gain from this relation?
    They're intriguing.

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    Default Re: Super-ego relations

    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe
    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    Why are we always attracted to our super-egos even though they are from a conflicting quadra? I saw this situation around me very often, real life examples include INFj-ISTj, ENFp-ESTp, ENTj-ESFj, ESTj-ENFj, INFp-ISTp etc. What type of positive benefits do we gain from this relation?
    They're intriguing.

    And challenging.
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    ENFjs can be pretty hot.

    They sort of draw you to use your 8th function as well, which, can seem to be empowering at first, but then you realize they don't want it the same way you do.


    It is "the grass is always greener on the other side complex".
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    I think that the identical temperament makes the person easy to get along with at a superficial level, while the opposing quadra makes the person intriguing and interesting at first.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    I think that the identical temperament makes the person easy to get along with at a superficial level, while the opposing quadra makes the person intriguing and interesting at first.
    yes.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    In my experience, it's the opposite with mirrors. With real INTps I have met personally, the opposing temperaments made it difficult for the relationship to even start, but once we actually get together to talk or even do something it's very easy.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    In my experience, it's the opposite with mirrors. With real INTps I have met personally, the opposing temperaments made it difficult for the relationship to even start, but once we actually get together to talk or even do something it's very easy.
    Agree..... meeting INTjs can be hard by two of my best friends are INTjs so I wish I could meet more.

    ESFps and I pseudo get along great. We are always in the same places.....same bars, same parties. The fact that both of our hidden agendas are the person's strongest unconscious function makes them appealing as well. Like we both contribute to directing things and both contribute to an Fe mood. Both positivist. Both democratic which is actually really nice. And the fact that female ESFps are all over me a lot of the time is nice. BUT and this is a HUGE BUT the second a female ESFp feels they have you, they lose interest. Sucks... makes me like them a lot less. Same with males though I think females have a big advantage over males in that they are being pursued and not vice versa. Playing games with them is fun, but it doesn't stop. I can play games for a long time but eventually I just want to stop playing games and maybe even smile about it and talk about all the games that we were playing with one another, but thats who they are. They won't come out of their game playing mode unless they really have to. Having weak Fi with them sucks too. I really am Fi color blind. Though I'm sure once in awhile they would say having weak Ti with me sucks as well. Anyway my two cents.
    Suomea

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    it's weird.. I do find male isfjs somewhat attractive sometimes.. I don't think I have met any Se subtypes.. But I know one Fi subtype in real life and he's endearing, then again I don't know him very well at all.

    Most of the time I can't stand female ISFjs. actually I do know one female Fi subtype-- she's my ENTj coworker's fiance. She is endearing too. :/ I have been in close quarters with two female ISFjs before though and it was, at times, unbearable. However I would always contain myself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    it's weird.. I do find male isfjs somewhat attractive sometimes.. I don't think I have met any Se subtypes.. But I know one Fi subtype in real life and he's endearing, then again I don't know him very well at all.

    Most of the time I can't stand female ISFjs. actually I do know one female Fi subtype-- she's my ENTj coworker's fiance. She is endearing too. :/ I have been in close quarters with two female ISFjs before though and it was, at times, unbearable. However I would always contain myself.

    Unbearable, how?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suomea
    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    In my experience, it's the opposite with mirrors. With real INTps I have met personally, the opposing temperaments made it difficult for the relationship to even start, but once we actually get together to talk or even do something it's very easy.
    Agree..... meeting INTjs can be hard by two of my best friends are INTjs so I wish I could meet more.

    ESFps and I pseudo get along great. We are always in the same places.....same bars, same parties. The fact that both of our hidden agendas are the person's strongest unconscious function makes them appealing as well. Like we both contribute to directing things and both contribute to an Fe mood. Both positivist. Both democratic which is actually really nice. And the fact that female ESFps are all over me a lot of the time is nice. BUT and this is a HUGE BUT the second a female ESFp feels they have you, they lose interest. Sucks... makes me like them a lot less. Same with males though I think females have a big advantage over males in that they are being pursued and not vice versa. Playing games with them is fun, but it doesn't stop. I can play games for a long time but eventually I just want to stop playing games and maybe even smile about it and talk about all the games that we were playing with one another, but thats who they are. They won't come out of their game playing mode unless they really have to. Having weak Fi with them sucks too. I really am Fi color blind. Though I'm sure once in awhile they would say having weak Ti with me sucks as well. Anyway my two cents.
    you nailed this. and this goes on with them even as friends, too!

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    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    I've always been on weird competitive terms with the INTjs I've known in school. It's like we both privately admired and resented each other.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    it's weird.. I do find male isfjs somewhat attractive sometimes.. I don't think I have met any Se subtypes.. But I know one Fi subtype in real life and he's endearing, then again I don't know him very well at all.

    Most of the time I can't stand female ISFjs. actually I do know one female Fi subtype-- she's my ENTj coworker's fiance. She is endearing too. :/ I have been in close quarters with two female ISFjs before though and it was, at times, unbearable. However I would always contain myself.

    Unbearable, how?
    well... they used Se all the time? hehe. I just didn't feel valued nor did I have any way to "balance" the relations any way i knew how because they didn't value Fe. So basically I felt they nitpicked at me all day long and I bit my tongue until i could go home.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    it's weird.. I do find male isfjs somewhat attractive sometimes.. I don't think I have met any Se subtypes.. But I know one Fi subtype in real life and he's endearing, then again I don't know him very well at all.

    Most of the time I can't stand female ISFjs. actually I do know one female Fi subtype-- she's my ENTj coworker's fiance. She is endearing too. :/ I have been in close quarters with two female ISFjs before though and it was, at times, unbearable. However I would always contain myself.

    Unbearable, how?
    well... they used Se all the time? hehe. I just didn't feel valued nor did I have any way to "balance" the relations any way i knew how because they didn't value Fe. So basically I felt they nitpicked at me all day long and I bit my tongue until i could go home.
    I actually can understand that, It would have been different with the other Gamma SF :wink:
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    HI everyone,

    New INTJ member coming abroad. Inviting peace in here, the one's I have no problem with are ENTJs, ENTPs, ISTJs, ENFPs (never met one, but it says its compatible), INTJs, INFJs, etc. I find them very easier to interact.

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    dunno. my best friend married hers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    Why are we always attracted to our super-egos even though they are from a conflicting quadra? I saw this situation around me very often, real life examples include INFj-ISTj, ENFp-ESTp, ENTj-ESFj, ESTj-ENFj, INFp-ISTp etc. What type of positive benefits do we gain from this relation?
    Personally, I don't like ESFp, but it might be because of my strong Ti subtype...

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    Upon further discussion and reflection, it seems that someone whom I had typed ESTj is more likely ISTj. Interestingly, we get on extremely well and it's one of the most positive friendships I've had. If I were to list admirable qualities in a friend or gf, she'd be way up there. It seems odd that we should get on so well, considering the flipping of quadra values.

    Still, after reading the ISTj descriptions, that seems far closer to how she carries herself. A big 'hmmm' for me, I guess.
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    I find them more interesting than ENFP's...much more. For whatever that's worth.

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    i was thinking on this some more as i saw that the thread was active again. i think i'm attracted to esfp's partly because at first they seem Fe-ish in the way they can get the party started. the ones i know, esp female ones, are pretty emotive that way...and this kind of tricks me. because then what happens is they start to move around and their primary goal is the conquering of social territory. like, they're not really "with" you at the party they're off on their own immediately. i can't really keep up with them and i always feel like i'm trailing after them if i try to be with them, which i don't like to do, so i stop, and so things tend to end there with them.

    i met a male esfp last fall and the repulsion was -almost- instant. like right away he wanted to know, had i met this person and that person yet? and that's like low on my list for sure, whether or not i met somebody. you know, if you meet somebody one time and tell them your name and they tell your theirs, how much fucking difference is this really going to make when you either never see them again or see them in like 2 years? and, as i am wont to do, forget their name anyway?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine Lively View Post

    i met a male esfp last fall and the repulsion was -almost- instant. like right away he wanted to know, had i met this person and that person yet? and that's like low on my list for sure, whether or not i met somebody. you know, if you meet somebody one time and tell them your name and they tell your theirs, how much fucking difference is this really going to make when you either never see them again or see them in like 2 years? and, as i am wont to do, forget their name anyway?
    HA funny--this is exactly how I feel about meeting someone. I never remember names. We'll go to a party and a week later my husband will be talking about someone and I'll say "who?" and he'll be like "you met them at the party" and I'll say "yeah but that doesn't mean anything!"
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I am intrigued by everyone at times, it's cool.
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    HA funny--this is exactly how I feel about meeting someone. I never remember names. We'll go to a party and a week later my husband will be talking about someone and I'll say "who?" and he'll be like "you met them at the party" and I'll say "yeah but that doesn't mean anything!"
    yeah! it even takes me a whole semester to remember the names of my students....i tell them this ahead of time though, so they don't get offended.

    know what though? i NEVER forget a face. guess i must be overly visual or something.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Hm.. I've only been close to one SLE, and things are good as long as we keep things in the right plane. He's been a great mentor for me professionally, and we have a lot of things we mutually appreciate, but that's really the only way we can connect. I had one massive value clash with him that still makes me cringe thinking about it. lol. He's such a good designer, though... Wish I could hook him up with an IEI - he sooo needs one

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Default Strength of super-ego relations

    I don't understand how some super-ego relationships are "better" or "worse" than others. The functional ordering in each relation is the same as in the rest, so how is it the case that they are better or worse?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    I would also think that different subtypes could influence on the relationships as well
    Very true

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    I don't really know where you heard about the concept of better or worse super-ego relations, so I might not answer your question, but I guess it's like with any relation, it depends on a lot more than functions how well it works. At the moment my worst relation is a dual relation. Egoism and lack of respect can ruin even duality. And I guess even conflicting relations can work well if you deal with the other person with respect and patience.

    I think he's referring to some of the comments in the LSE/EIE thread.

    I'm not sure, I've wondered this as well (well not just in regards to super-ego relations, but all of them, for e.g. are some conflict relations worse than others?), but maybe its because of the nature of the specific IM elements and types involved? The dynamic of an SLE's Se and an EII's Fi hitting the other's PoLR might be different from (or at least manifest differently to) an ILI's Ni and an ESE's Fe.

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