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Thread: We teach our children hidden agenda

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    Kristiina's Avatar
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    Default We teach our children hidden agenda.

    I had a conversation with INTp Erkki. I said, "For me, the best time of a kid's life is when he starts understanding me and I can explain the world to him in stead of sheltering him from it. Among other things, I can explain the dangers and he can be careful himself. Like today the kid found the corkscrew and in stead of just taking it away from him, I explained how one end is sharp and might hurt him if he's not careful, and he was fascinated and repeated after me, "Careful. Hurt." and he was very careful with it and placed it on the table." ( ) And he said, "I disagree. The best time of a kid's life is when he is about 5-7 years old and he starts developing his values. From 3-6, he learns the values from the life that the parents provide and after that he starts developing the values from media and peers. It's a very interesting time." ( ) Erkki commented that explaining the dangers is just a phase in a kids development, it's not worth mentioning as something important. And I said that the kid will learn some values no matter what we do or say, but should just sometimes check if he's developing in the right direction - no torturing of animals, no intentional breaking of promises, etc.

    So basically, I saw this as one possible theory - people teach their children as much as they can about their hidden agenda. This is what a kid must learn. My earlier theory was that parents teach the children to be similar to them, but seems that on an idealistic level, parents want to teach their children to have the qualities that they most admire in themselves and others.
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    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
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    That makes sense. How big a role do you think the hidden-agenda plays in how people raise their children compared to their ego functions, though?
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    That makes sense. How big a role do you think the hidden-agenda plays in how people raise their children compared to their ego functions, though?
    I used to think that ego block is all we teach and maybe it is. Maybe we just want to teach hidden agenda, but barely get to do that because we are too busy teaching our children to have the same strengths and weaknesses that we have. I'd like some input from people who have children. Me and Erkki are still in the theory phase. :wink:
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    Thats really interesting kristina, iv'e never though about that before. I dunno if people teach there kids their hidden agenda, they must teach overwhelmingly their ego block tho.

    I think kids must have a certain resilience to their parents influence in the sense that, if their ego block is different to their parents, the kid will find other sources to strengthen and learn their ego block. For example, they may search out and hang out with people/friends who have what there are looking for...which would feel natural for them, hence developing according to inborn temperament and having a certain resilience to parental influence.
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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    You know what I find interesting about this Kriistina? Just a random tidbit but my parents both have Ni hidden agenda - ISTj & ISFj respectively. I have Ni in the Ego.

    But yes, I can see how we would value the hidden agenda and want to teach anyone to value it!


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    That's so true because before socionics, I wanted to raise my kids in a way to help them understand everything which is my hidden agenda. Now since socionics helped me understand not all kids should be raised the same way, I'll type them and try my best to feed their hidden agenda.
    INFP

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    Parents of different types really do raise their kids differently, but I think it might be an ego block thing from what I've seen. My ISFj brother wants his kids to respect authority and be decent citizens. I want my daughter to be kind and open-minded. I'm not sure what my husband wants for her - hmm he's always asking about what I've fed her, and he started giving her a small allowance so she can save up for things she wants rather than just buying her things because he thinks she's getting a sense of entitlement. He mainly just plays with her though. I'm the authority figure in this house, I'm afraid.

    I think the relationship between parenting style and type is a very interesting topic.
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    Yeah great topics. I think i would like to teach my child the same as Slacker Mom, kind and open minded so thats definately my ego block.

    I personally think the best time for a child is when they are like 2 years old. Just picking up stuff and dancing and laughing etc. Exploring the environment and enjoying themselves. Everything has such a sense of wonder its all an adventure. I wish my life was like that more :wink:
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    I would definitely rather teach my children , as opposed to
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Yeah great topics. I think i would like to teach my child the same as Slacker Mom, kind and open minded so thats definately my ego block.

    I personally think the best time for a child is when they are like 2 years old. Just picking up stuff and dancing and laughing etc. Exploring the environment and enjoying themselves. Everything has such a sense of wonder its all an adventure. I wish my life was like that more :wink:
    Sounds like a mixture of Fe and Si to me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    I would definitely rather teach my children , as opposed to
    So do you now think of yourself as an ISTj or are you still undecided?
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    I'd like to give my children as much freedom as they can get without going into trouble. I couldn't live with a girl that wants to restrict them.
    I'd like to teach them to never respect somebody just because he's older/more experienced/etc, but to always reason with their own mind to reach conclusions and if they contradict everybody's else conclusions, it's still okay.
    Lastly, I will stricly impose to my either daughter or son not be players in romantic matters, lest being forced to remain in their bedroom forever. However, they will freely be allowed to invite their girlfriend/boyfriend to have sex in their bedroom, they'll just have to tell me to go away to take a ride with the bike while they do their own thing.

    I'm okay if they don't want to agree with the second of the three points. The only strict one is the third.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    Parents of different types really do raise their kids differently, but I think it might be an ego block thing from what I've seen. My ISFj brother wants his kids to respect authority and be decent citizens. I want my daughter to be kind and open-minded. I'm not sure what my husband wants for her - hmm he's always asking about what I've fed her, and he started giving her a small allowance so she can save up for things she wants rather than just buying her things because he thinks she's getting a sense of entitlement. He mainly just plays with her though. I'm the authority figure in this house, I'm afraid.

    I think the relationship between parenting style and type is a very interesting topic.
    I wonder if the rule stops working when you see that the kid already learns your hidden agenda from someone else. You are ENFp and your husband is ISTp, right? He's already giving your kids all the that they need. I wonder if it changes priorities, because I kinda remember that our duals use their ego block so that we don't have to try so hard with our super-ID.

    Your ISFj brother... What type is his partner?
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    his soon-to-be-exwife is ESFp. A really unhealthy ESFp though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    his soon-to-be-exwife is ESFp. A really unhealthy ESFp though.
    As we discussed, I wonder if she's not ESTp.

    Anyway, my ESFj-ISFp parents basically tried to teach my ENTp brother and me to study hard, behave well in public, and be sociable. My low is what disappointed them the most.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    his soon-to-be-exwife is ESFp. A really unhealthy ESFp though.
    As we discussed, I wonder if she's not ESTp.

    Anyway, my ESFj-ISFp parents basically tried to teach my ENTp brother and me to study hard, behave well in public, and be sociable. My low is what disappointed them the most.
    I'm pretty sure she's ESFp. First, she isn't logical AT ALL. She might even out un-logic me. She isn't able to think things through. Second, part of her unhealthiness is an ability to manipulate people through her relationships to them. Like, during the divorce, she befriended the parental evaluator. She's very good at that kind of thing. She'll also become friends with someone and then try to guilt them into doing things for her. And, she has an issue with thievery to the point of kleptomania or something, but she'll steal from friends and she seems to know innately who won't call the police on her.
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    As far as my parents go, my ENTj mom's biggest priority for us is that we be independent. My dad's motto for us growing up was that we should keep our options open - . And I didn't think of it at the time but that advice used to drive my brother CRAZY!

    edited to add that my dad's parents were ENFp/INFj and he could have just been parroting back what they said to him I suppose.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    As far as my parents go, my ENTj mom's biggest priority for us is that we be independent. My dad's motto for us growing up was that we should keep our options open - . And I didn't think of it at the time but that advice used to drive my brother CRAZY!

    edited to add that my dad's parents were ENFp/INFj and he could have just been parroting back what they said to him I suppose.
    lol @ edit.
    I have heard that some ENFjs have the ability to treat each child according to their strengths and weaknesses. He just wanted you to maximize your best traits (although he might have thought that you have potential to develop the strengths of your ENFp grandparent, so he tried to advertise the traits that brought the grandparent success). (sorry for psychoanalyzing your dad. Couldn't help it. ). But seems the theory doesn't work for your family.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina
    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    As far as my parents go, my ENTj mom's biggest priority for us is that we be independent. My dad's motto for us growing up was that we should keep our options open - . And I didn't think of it at the time but that advice used to drive my brother CRAZY!

    edited to add that my dad's parents were ENFp/INFj and he could have just been parroting back what they said to him I suppose.
    lol @ edit.
    I have heard that some ENFjs have the ability to treat each child according to their strengths and weaknesses. He just wanted you to maximize your best traits (although he might have thought that you have potential to develop the strengths of your ENFp grandparent, so he tried to advertise the traits that brought the grandparent success). (sorry for psychoanalyzing your dad. Couldn't help it. ). But seems the theory doesn't work for your family.
    You know that is possible because he (and my aunts) have always told me how much I'm like my grandpa - he died before I was born so I never knew him, but they said it's uncanny how much alike we are personality-wise. So he could have made that connection. But, on the other hand, he said it to my brother too and is my brother's PoLR.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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