Results 1 to 33 of 33

Thread: jealousy

  1. #1
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default jealousy

    Do you think some types are more prone to jealousy in relationships than others are? My INTj couldn't be jealous if his life depended on it, and I can see where this could be a common thing for INTjs. I can picture some types, like ISFps to be more jealous than other types, but I dunno...

    As for me, I have been jealous in past relationships, but not nearly as much as most people (I think). If I feel jealous i tend to take it as a sign that the object of my affections is not truly worthy of me and I move on. With Josh I never get jealous because I know that he just doesn't think like most people do and I have NOTHING to worry about. If he didn't want to be with me anymore then he'd leave me. If he's with me, it's because that's what he wants. He knows that I am the same way. If I no longer wanted to be with him, I'd leave him. When we got married we told eachother that we meant every word of our vows except the "forever" part.

    I could go off on a rant about the whole concept of marriage... but I'll spare you all from that for the time being. So..... jealousy... comments?
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  2. #2
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    TIM
    D-LSI-Ti 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    11,586
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    If he's with me, it's because that's what he wants. He knows that I am the same way. If I no longer wanted to be with him, I'd leave him.
    Don't believe you.

  3. #3
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    If he's with me, it's because that's what he wants. He knows that I am the same way. If I no longer wanted to be with him, I'd leave him.
    Don't believe you.
    lol, why not?
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    TIM
    D-LSI-Ti 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    11,586
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    If he's with me, it's because that's what he wants. He knows that I am the same way. If I no longer wanted to be with him, I'd leave him.
    Don't believe you.
    lol, why not?
    It sounds like something someone says to convince himself that he isn't "stuck." A way to avoid thinking about the realities of marriage. Besides, I know you know that even if you somehow stopped loving your husband enough to not want to live with him, it would not in any way be in the best interest of your son. Kids need to live with two parents.

  5. #5
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'm already divorced from my son's dad, but he still has a VERY active role in my son's life. We split both custody and placement 50/50. I'm not sure if Travis would even notice if Josh wasn't there anymore... they don't interact much (Josh doesn't interact much with anyone).
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  6. #6
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    And when I left Travis's dad, it was indeed a very difficult decision to make as a mother. In the end, I decided that the only thing worse than having parents who aren't together is having parents who shouldn't be together.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  7. #7
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    TIM
    D-LSI-Ti 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    11,586
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    And when I left Travis's dad, it was indeed a very difficult decision to make as a mother. In the end, I decided that the only thing worse than having parents who aren't together is having parents who shouldn't be together.
    I see, I see. Well that's all water under the bridge or something, I guess.

    Jealousy, you say? With my first girlfriend, I was very jealous all the time. Then I realized that she was a bitch, and broke up with her. Since then I am WAAAAAY more mature about romantic relationships. I don't feel the need for jealousy at all. Jealousy betrays mistrust of your partner. If you trust this person, you will let them do whatever they want, and feel shame at the thought of thinking you could "let" them do anything.

    I'm single right now, because I most girls my age are much more posessive and, well, just plain old snobbish. I know there are nice, quiet (and loud) girls out there who are intelligent in their own way. I'm waiting for one of those.

    One last thing. In a way, I am still very shallow. I will not date someone I am not physically attracted to. (what's the point?) I'll still be friends with them, but it won't go any further. I figure these relationships, on a biological level, are about reproduction. On an emotional level, they are about closeness and intimacy. But true human love should not be restricted to a sexual relationship, so I don't consider it to be, so I don't feel like I am being shallow in this. This just means I believe love to be a separate issue from sex, although I won't have sex with someone I don't at least feel very strongly about.

    Sorry that was off topic, but it's food for thought.

  8. #8
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    That's not shallow. You didn't say, "I could never be with someone who's not hot."

    I have often said, "I have to be attracted to a person to date them. It doesn't matter whether or not anyone else is... but I have to be." One time I agreed to a date with this guy because he was the guy that all the girls as work had crushes on and I was flattered that he'd asked me out. I wasn't sure if I'd end up liking him or not.

    I had a crappy time on the date and on the way home I sat there thinking, "If I don't tell him that I don't like him he's going to try to kiss me when we get to my house." Seeing his face drop when I told him that I just wanted to be friends was too much for me. Since then I have been careful not to date a guy unless I was sure I liked him. I hate that feeling. "Sorry, but I knew i didn't like you to being with and let you think otherwise." GRRRRRRRRRRRRR Like I said.... I hate that feeling.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  9. #9
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    hehe, when I was bartending people were suprised that I had a boyfriend. They said, "He lets you bartend?!" and I'd say, "Lets?! He doesn't let me do anything..."
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Wilmington NC USA
    Posts
    666
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I get jealous sometimes but really really try to hide it. Thankfully, my ESFj ex-girlfriends could notice somehow when I was and stop. Someone who would purposely flirt etc to make me jealous I could not stand at all. I would pretend it didn't matter to me but it really, really did.

  11. #11
    Creepy-ms k

    Default

    i dont understand when people say, "im not a jealous person."

    did i miss something? if you're in a committed relationship you're not supposed to be dating other people and you kind of expect the person wants to be with you, cares about your feelings, respects you, etc. Of course you won't feel great if they seem to be pursuing someone else or if someone else is being disrespectful of your relationship by trying to date your bf or gf. It's not the same as being controlling.

  12. #12
    Waddlesworth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,159
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I notice INTj females, i don't know so much about the males, tend to be some of the biggest flirts in the sense that it is all for them. There seems to be little consideration for the needs of the other person. If the needs of the INTj are met, hey, that's the most rational and logical thing now isn't it? The person who makes them happy will get all the attention by default, why shouldnt they? So i wouldn't say its a bad thing but it winds up getting them into trouble.

    But ESFp's, I have noticed, are notorious sex machines.

    ENTp's can be pretty subtle flirts, never sure how to manage the situation. I usually withdraw. I always pick my favorites, or choose an object of affection. Strangely I can usually win over their attention, but my indeciveness draws the situation out and I eventually make it end badly. I get jealous really easily, like "who is that guy, who does he think he is, why is she letting him take all of the attention" but its just called communication and I am just now getting over that very immature way of seeing things.

    But @ Ms K's original post: you're right, i don't understand that either. I think that some people are really immature and self centered and it is just a matter of egoism. The people that accuse other people who strive for commitment of being jealous are just immature. doesn't matter what functions they prefer, they just don't understand it is best to stick your devotion to one person because they would undoubtedly like the other person to do the same for them. So I think its all based on a balance between what we want and need and what we expect from other people. Some people live in completely different universes in terms of promiscuity and how flirtatious they are. The Rap era of the early nineties, I am absolutely positive, did alot of damage to how people value intimate relationships. I was in fourth grade and one by one I could see the kids around me being "programmed" to behave in a certain way. It was really amazing. The mean blonde ESTp's caught on to it first, then they made everyone else follow.

  13. #13

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    1,246
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'm not routinely jealous.

    I have gotten jealous only when there is clearly something going on and to be jealous about!

    Entp's are big flirts, myself included, although not as much over recent years. I don't know how our partners put up with us!
    Entp
    ILE

  14. #14

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    220
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't get jealous very often, but then to be honest in situations where I probably should have been jealous, I didn't know to be jealous! I've never had any girl I've been with flirt with someone in front of me, at least, not someone I would be worried about. Perhaps I'm just naive.
    ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
    In touch with semireality.

  15. #15

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    SW Pennsylvania
    Posts
    993
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'm jealous about everything . . . husband . . . friends . . . relationships . . . but then it's just an insecurity issue.
    <--- Me pouring out all my love on you!

    Some days its just not worth chewing through the restraints.

  16. #16
    Waddlesworth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,159
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't thnk its fair to say all ENTp's are necessarily big flirts. I mean, I do my share of flirting and know a couple of ENTp's that do it routinely, but I'd say it is something I tend to feel uncomfortable about in general and something I only do if I have alcohol or plenty of security in the person's feelings toward me. I think perhaps it has to do with how set in their type a person is, maybe. in social situations we pick up new behaviors, but I think I deprive myself of the ethics and give alot of energy to the logic, which costs me in healthy relationship experiences. So when I find myself in a relationship situation I tend to be very edgy about if the person is going to leave me or not since I don't have the resources at my disposal to give them exactly what they need.

    Times need to change for me.

  17. #17

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    SW Pennsylvania
    Posts
    993
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    @Waddles: I think you a quite a bit like me as an INFp in that you said, "I don't have the resources at my disposal to give them exactly what they need."

    I don't bend to give in a relationship, I take. Always have been like that but perhaps I haven't valued a relationship enough to want to work at it. I don't think I want love as much as acceptance and approval for who and what I am. It's like what you see is what you get.
    <--- Me pouring out all my love on you!

    Some days its just not worth chewing through the restraints.

  18. #18

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    1,246
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by waddles w
    I don't thnk its fair to say all ENTp's are necessarily big flirts. I mean, I do my share of flirting and know a couple of ENTp's that do it routinely, but I'd say it is something I tend to feel uncomfortable about in general and something I only do if I have alcohol or plenty of security in the person's feelings toward me. I think perhaps it has to do with how set in their type a person is, maybe. in social situations we pick up new behaviors, but I think I deprive myself of the ethics and give alot of energy to the logic, which costs me in healthy relationship experiences. So when I find myself in a relationship situation I tend to be very edgy about if the person is going to leave me or not since I don't have the resources at my disposal to give them exactly what they need.

    Times need to change for me.
    Maybe it's one of the gender differences between female and male entps, who knows.

    Lighten up, wads, flirting is fun!
    Entp
    ILE

  19. #19
    Waddlesworth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,159
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    lol, Blaze, I know flirting is fun. I assume it's also more of a feminine thing.

    See when a guy and a girl talk to eachother and both are interested in one another it is classified as flirting, but its very different on both sides due to genetic differences etc... I guess guy flirting and girl flirting are really totally not the same thing. When I flirt it is usually to tease and sometimes to taunt. I also tend to make provacative verbal advances way too soon... But I think people go for it as a novelty. no one is ever insulted they just laugh. usually.

    But I'm lightened as a kite! whoopee!!!

  20. #20
    Waddlesworth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,159
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    @artemis

    Its strange. my best friend is INFp and I have known him since middle school. Our differences aside we seem to be in agreement on many things and even had our crushes on the same girls. We have always like the quiet intuitive girls with a sorta "alternative" look, as we called it back in the mid-to-late nineties. But we have similar wants and needs out of relationships and usually are in agreement on just about anything. As though we are able to "level" one another's personalities into a more comfortable and practical thing.

    But not to side-track, I find it interesting you agree with me and it is not the first time an INFp has done so about such matters.

  21. #21
    Creepy-ms k

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by waddles w
    only do if I have alcohol or plenty of security in the person's feelings toward me. I think perhaps it has to do with how set in their type a person is, maybe. in social situations we pick up new behaviors, but I think I deprive myself of the ethics and give alot of energy to the logic, which costs me in healthy relationship experiences. So when I find myself in a relationship situation I tend to be very edgy about if the person is going to leave me or not since I don't have the resources at my disposal to give them exactly what they need.

    Times need to change for me.
    Do you act the same / feel the same when in interaction with your dual?

  22. #22
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    ENTps are flirts???
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  23. #23

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    1,246
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Entp's are total flirts!!

    Don't you think??
    Entp
    ILE

  24. #24
    Cone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    2,717
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    They wish.

    Me being jealous of a partner means that I'm not holding up my end of the bargain well enough, i.e. I suck at relationships. She gets bored or something, and I just wait for it to end itself.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

  25. #25
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Hmmmmmm I don't flirt... that's too slow. I suppose sometimes people think I'm flirting when I'm not though.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  26. #26

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    1,246
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Good point. Flirting isn't always a conscious thing . . . but others think you are. I spose this is true for me and I've gotten good at recognizing when others would perceive me as flirting . . . I figure if there a lot of consensus about this, maybe they are right.

    But I consider it just to be friendly bantering.

    Nevermind. It's flirting.
    Entp
    ILE

  27. #27
    Waddlesworth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,159
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    yeah, if you put it that way I guess nomatter what I do I am always trying to make a person feel something for me and it must look pretty damn funny for anyone with keen enough eyes. I guess its sorta like I am constantly trying to stop myself from looking like I think I'm great so I look a little flustered and vulnerable.

    but I'm not the best person to describe my weaknesses. depends on my mood, too. if that changes so will my description of myself.

    @Ms K

    I am very docile around my dual and pay alot of attention to what they are saying. Usually I have similar problems with them as I do other people, but I am less likely to get mad at them. If I complain they are more likely to listen than judge and eventually we begin to spend alot of time together. at least from my experiences so far.

  28. #28
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Ich bin ein ubel glied
    Posts
    8,198
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    it's the hidden agenda. you guys are flirt whores
    I agree with this!

  29. #29
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    okay.... and all of the business about it being difficult to express positive emotion?
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  30. #30
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Ich bin ein ubel glied
    Posts
    8,198
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    okay.... and all of the business about it being difficult to express positive emotion?
    It is, but that is where comes in to compensate for that with this neat little ability to influence people emotionally. That can be perceived as flirtatious activity at times.

  31. #31
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    *sighs*
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  32. #32
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Ich bin ein ubel glied
    Posts
    8,198
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    *sighs*
    Why the sighing?

    I know you have used ... I remember ou have said how easy it is for you to influence people emotionally. I totally related to you, because I have done the same exact thing to people. But, you have to remember with an ENTp is used as an indirect vehicle to realize the PoLR without causing stress and anxiety, and sometimes it works. Though, not permanently and often not very well.

  33. #33
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I wish I was easier for people to read. For some reason I don't want that though... like, it would feel silly not to know that my thoughts are well hidden.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •