Deltas and feeling of guilt for good circumstances

[Slacker]

Do other Deltas have issues with feeling guilt when you haven't done anything wrong - just because you have good circumstances and others don't? Two examples - I got pregnant very easily and will probably get pregnant easily again. Meanwhile, a family member is on her 16th try with in-vitro fertilization. I feel terribly guilty that it's easier for me. I feel bad because we're going to start trying to get pregnant like in a week and what if I get pregnant right away and we have to tell this family member that we're going to have another baby after she's been trying so hard and for so long. She's a wonderful person and would make a wonderful mother. There's no good reason why I have it easy and she doesn't. The second example is that I was behind someone in the grocery store who was obviously having trouble paying for her groceries. I feel guilty that we have a pretty easy time financially when so many people are struggling. I live in an industrial area and things are really rough here because we've had lots of factories close. I thought of a third example - my brother is getting divorced and it looks like his ex-wife might be allowed to move the kids to the other side of the state from him. I feel guilty because I have a happy and stable marriage.

Is this Fi? I am plagued by guilt all the time. This happens several times a day for different reasons. It gets worse and worse because the local economy keeps getting worse so I see people hurting more and more often. I wanted to buy this woman's groceries. If I wouldn't have had to explain it to my husband, I would have. However, he would not approve of me paying for random people's groceries. It's like some hyperactive empathy gone amuk thing.

If other people have issues with this, how do you handle it? Just feel guilt all the time?

[Mea]

Ya. I get what you mean. It's like when my cousins' dad passed away, it made me feel very bad for their family. 'cause I have both my parents. And their mom is struggling, all of them are, till today, especially financially.

Is this Fi? I am plagued by guilt all the time. This happens several times a day for different reasons. It gets worse and worse because the local economy keeps getting worse so I see people hurting more and more often. I wanted to buy this woman's groceries. If I wouldn't have had to explain it to my husband, I would have. However, he would not approve of me paying for random people's groceries. It's like some hyperactive empathy gone amuk thing.

And yes. I get this a lot too. Like the blind who busk on the streets. I'd feel guilty that I can see(k, i know this might sound weird), and I'd usually just give them money. My mom disapproves of this, and says I'm wasting money, when we don't have a lot.

I don't really know how to deal with it either. I usually try to help, within my capabilities? But I don't think we can help the whole world? Err.. I think I just end up feeling guilt all the time and I don't know how to handle it.

[anndelise]

I would think that anyone who is capable of empathizing..even briefly..with another person's situation would feel SOMEthing. But I don't know that it would necessarily be guilt.

I often feel bad for people who are in situations they consider negative, and I don't like to bring to their attention that someone like me could be in a better position than them. I'm not sure if I would call it guilt. Though I don't know what term I would actually use for it. It's kind of a feeling of wanting to sink or hide that part of me from that person, combined with a feeling of what it would be like to be them, with their hopes and interests/dislikes, in their situation. A combined...icky/sadness.

I do find myself apologizing when my better position is brought to their attention...but it's not out of a feeling of i'm feeling guilt over it...just empathizing with their frustration over it and not being able to do anything about it.

[jessica129]

I don't necessarily feel guilty about other peoples issues. We all have problems and we're all responsible for ourselves. I do feel bad for them, yes...but never guilty. I work hard for what I have and I think I deserve it.

[olduser]

^agree. People who have it as well as you are for the most part people who've worked very hard and capitalized on the opportunities of life. Don't feel bad about your uterus-- it's just a bad-ass uterus.

[Slacker]

Heath and Jessica, you both are saying just what my husband says - that we've made good choices, worked hard, etc. But fertility is often just chance - I know there are some choices that can impact that but I don't think that's the case here. And what work have I done? What good choices have I personally made? I married my husband. I don't make a dime. The only reason I'm doing well financially is because I'm married to him. It all seems so unfair and unbalanced.

Guilt might not be the best word but it's close. It seems like you all understand what I mean anyway.

[olduser]

You run a household. You choose not to be a horrible person and fuck your life up with irrational destabilizing decisions.

[Mea]

But I don't think every bad thing in life is caused by bad decisions. Not like we can predict the future. It can be many other things, like misunderstandings? Wrong place at the wrong time?

I really like how you phrased this though.

^agree. People who have it as well as you are for the most part people who've worked very hard and capitalized on the opportunities of life. Don't feel bad about your uterus-- it's just a bad-ass uterus.

[olduser]

But I don't think every bad thing in life is caused by bad decisions. Not like we can predict the future. It can be many other things, like misunderstandings? Wrong place at the wrong time?

I really like how you phrased this though.

^agree. People who have it as well as you are for the most part people who've worked very hard and capitalized on the opportunities of life. Don't feel bad about your uterus-- it's just a bad-ass uterus.

You are right, but I think for the most part the major factors of our lives are in our control-- especially in a country like a America-- especially being a middle class white person. And even when bad things happen you still make the decisions on how to deal with those bad happenings.

[redbaron]

I think you should feel free to enjoy your life and the blessings you've been given. You're right--some of it is just the way the cards fall. Some are fertile, some are not. Some have good marriages, others struggle. We will all have our fair share of heartaches in this life. If you're not going through it now, count your blessings. It's great that you feel compassion for others and that you're so sensitive to them and their feelings but you shouldn't allow it to fog your own sense of contentment. One day you may hit a snag in life due to no fault of your own. But that won't mean you've done anything wrong. It just means life can be unfair and difficult. In the meantime, be happy!

Sorry--I just realized this is the delta forum! I hope it's okay that I replied, I'm obviously not delta! Sorry....

[meatburger]

I think you should feel free to enjoy your life and the blessings you've been given. You're right--some of it is just the way the cards fall. Some are fertile, some are not. Some have good marriages, others struggle. We will all have our fair share of heartaches in this life. If you're not going through it now, count your blessings. It's great that you feel compassion for others and that you're so sensitive to them and their feelings but you shouldn't allow it to fog your own sense of contentment. One day you may hit a snag in life due to no fault of your own. But that won't mean you've done anything wrong. It just means life can be unfair and difficult. In the meantime, be happy!

Sorry--I just realized this is the delta forum! I hope it's okay that I replied, I'm obviously not delta! Sorry....

Lol everyone is welcome to post RedBaron infact i much prefer it

I see it as Anndelise does, i dont tend to feel guilty but i do feel for them of course. I cant totally agree with what heath is saying in this example (get an INFj dude ). Your other examples anyway have to be just put down to chance. Father dying and not getting pregnant well you cant blame anyone for that!

Life is not fair. It never will be. Theres not some magical process evening things up for the good people. It sucks. Those people your talking about have it tough, but theres levels and levels of problems. At least they have a roof over there head. There are people who dont even have enough food to eat so they are wasting away. Its a wake up call to tell you how good you have things. Perhaps guilt probablly isn't the healthy emotion to feel anyway should be more like empathy?

Actually perhaps most of the worlds population should feel guilt. We let people starve when we have wealth and plentiful supplies of food and most of us dont even do anything about it.