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Thread: Been made fun of at your expense

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    eunice's Avatar
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    Default Been made fun of at your expense

    I'm fine with been made fun of occasionally, but I absolutely can't stand it when some people enjoy making fun of my weaknesses repeatedly and make tactless comments or/and give me a nickname over some minor mistake I have made. Worst still, they share the joke with everyone else and constantly remind me of it by bringing it up for a good laugh. I understand that they usually don't mean it with malicious intent, but I can't help it but take it seriously. I will try to laugh it off when I'm in the company of acquaintances, but I will show my displeasure when I'm with my friends since I know that they won't judge me.

    Just curious to know if other Deltas feel the same way over such comments made by others.

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    jessica129's Avatar
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    Yes. I'm one of the most sensitive people you could ever meet. Of course I don't show it, but it makes taking those forms of teasing very hard. I dealt with it entirely too much growing up, maybe that's why I'm so sensitive to every little comment about myself to this day. I usually let it slide and laugh at myself but it does get to me a lot. If it happens for a long period of time, i'll usually blow up.

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    I think many people don't notice how uncomfortable it makes someone feel until it happens to them.

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    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
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    The curse of weak . If they thought you might get confrontational about it, they would be more careful.

    Yeah, I hate that too.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    Did you know that modern torture rarely uses physical violence? It's all about psychological pressure.

    My brother stayed in a mental hospital recently and I meet this patient who survived Pinochet's Chilean regime, whose mind was completely broken. I saw him for like 15 days and linking the random bits I heard from him they used to threaten him to kill/hurt physically, but more than than, they constantly humiliated him in front of other prisoners, which caused him isolation even when in presence of others. Isolation, in the case you are not aware, is one of the worst things you can do to a person, as it corrodes the mind and leaves permanent marks on it. I also know a Cuban who spent 4 years in a subterranean prison (lone confinement) and in his own words "the most beautiful part of the day was when I was allowed to speak to others".

    It doesn't matter how innocent they think it is, when people uses you as a target for systematic humiliation they are committing the crime of torture. And it's torture because no matter what they say, when you're under psychological pressure -and it always happens when in presence of more than one person- you're unable to defend yourself from it. It is an asymmetrical relationship of power, like setting you for a fight with a martial artist champion and then wondering "why doesn't he defend himself?".

    In socionics terms I believe it's a Fe thing. The attackers are experiencing positive emotions, amusement, and they feel some kind of bonding. The mindless group experience that takes away the rationality from its members.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    meatburger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    In socionics terms I believe it's a Fe thing. The attackers are experiencing positive emotions, amusement, and they feel some kind of bonding. The mindless group experience that takes away the rationality from its members.
    Yeah i agree. Fe atmosphere can sometimes involve ribbing each other, they like it and think its funny. Ive often been out with a group of people i dont know well and you hear them say "Tom your a fat shit stop eating" and then Tom says "why dont you go screw bens sister again" etc. Its all fun and games to them and they dont let it get to them.

    Deltas, perhaps delta NF's in particular can be very sensitive. I still remember when i hired an xbox game instead of a playstation one for this party and an ESTj made a very public announcement about how stupid i was to all his friends that i hadn't met. That experience has in a way marred my Fi relationship to this guy to some extent.

    I think we need to develop thicker skins. The more you react the more people will be offensive to you. If you laugh at what they are saying you can infact integrate yourself into their group and soon enough it will get old.

    Edit: Actually my ISFj mum is like this too she gets very deeply wounded
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

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    jessica129's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    I still remember when i hired an xbox game instead..
    hehe

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    I still remember when i hired an xbox game instead..
    hehe
    whats funny about that? rented? borrowed?
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    I'm Fe and I hate hate hate it. When I'm with friends, yeah, theres alot of it about like Meatburger described but nobody means it to be mean and we're all pretty close so it's good fun. Outside of my friends though it's god awfull and I'm always paranoid of it. Every laugh or discussion that outside of earrange I'm thinking is about me. Every little giggle and laugh that I'm not sure what it's about is like getting punched in the soul because I'm sure it's about me. I sometimes wonder if people who weren't teased alot in school feel the same way.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    The curse of weak . If they thought you might get confrontational about it, they would be more careful.

    Yeah, I hate that too.
    Other way around, I think. After the grade school stage of actually picking on people, most people who tease others do so because they expect to be teased back, and then it's not a big deal and everyone's happy and laughing because then it's in the open and there's no reason to feel insecure. If you don't, most people either feel bad, or think "God, that person is so hyper-sensitive..."
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    The curse of weak . If they thought you might get confrontational about it, they would be more careful.

    Yeah, I hate that too.
    Other way around, I think. After the grade school stage of actually picking on people, most people who tease others do so because they expect to be teased back, and then it's not a big deal and everyone's happy and laughing because then it's in the open and there's no reason to feel insecure. If you don't, most people either feel bad, or think "God, that person is so hyper-sensitive..."
    Hmm well I've definitely seen people get picked on specifically for having weak . But, like most things, different people probably pick on different people for different reasons, so I'm sure it happens the way you've seen it too.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    True, but I think lots of people take insults/teasing too seriously because they just don't understand the nature of what's being said and what it's meant to do.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I like light teasing and people mocking me, but I don't like it when it's group making fun of that way. You know the 'pack mentality.'

    I don't mine one-on-one teasing, I get that they're just trying to lighten me up, but I'm just sensitive to group teasing. So I guess maybe beta teasing would just rub me the wrong way. I hate it when people keep going when I'm clearly just not in the mood either. Sometimes if I want it to keep going I'll make fun of myself. If I give kind of a disgusted look though that's a signal that you better stop or I will cry and get my dual to beat you up lol.

    I seriously feel so psychologically helpless if I feel ganged up on. I will just start crying or I'll lash out aggressively even. It's not pretty. It's like one of my main weakpoints. I don't know why that is... but yeah. I'm not so sensitive that I can't be made fun of, just don't do the whole 'group against sam' thing.

    If you see me doing something wrong then the best way to get me to stop is to tell me politely in private, don't ever try to get other people to agree with you I feel it's a sign of weakness that you can't take me on in a fair fight. Maybe it's just a weakness on my part but still, don't do that- or I will probably dislike you for a really long time.

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    eunice's Avatar
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    I can never understand how can anyone condone ragging/hazing.

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    I usually laugh when teased but lightly and not showing too much positive emotion. I worry it puts others out. I don't tease people very often. I actually compliment people too much. Or when they say something derrogatory about themselves or a situation I try to say something insanely positive(try to find the tiniest positive aspect in the shittiest situation). My friend(22) likes to bring up his divorced parents at parties to create his wild emotional atmosphere. His mom's name is Diane and he was saying that John Mellancamp's song 'jack and diane' was one of his divorced parent's favorite songs. Then he says something really horrible,negative, and dramatic about the divorce("but yeah then they got divorced so it doesn't matter anymore!"). I say, "Your dad finally found out about jack, didn't he?" and he laughs a lot and everything is a little better.

    another funny one:
    I have an ESTp friend who i've been around a lot lately. He's really loud and obnoxious, but funny/excited. I went over to his house tonight and he yells very crudely at me, "what's up FAGGOT?!" I respond, "why hello jerry, how are you today?" I can't stop laughing about that. It's usually a good sign that the night is going to go well. I like him a lot. He has a good sense of comraderie, and won't betray his friends. Something I like a lot. He doesn't care about getting places in life or any bullshit like that. He likes to call people faggots and yell at televisions. Yes that's a good man.
    asd

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    Quote Originally Posted by heath
    He doesn't care about getting places in life or any bullshit like that. He likes to call people faggots and yell at televisions. Yes that's a good man.
    Haha, I can agree with this a lot. I think it has to do with the fact that it's somewhat overblown and therefore not insidious. What you see is entirely what's there, and what's there you can deal with entirely at that point in time. Does that make sense? What Eunice describes is something very relevent, but I think it bothers me more when it's coming from someone who I feel doesn't have a right to make an attempt to exercise that power over me. One of the few things that would ever inspire me towards violence. Thankfully, people usually refrain from acting that way.
    SLI/ISTp -- Te subtype

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    eunice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    I think many people don't notice how uncomfortable it makes someone feel until it happens to them.
    Yeah. The funny thing is those who tend to engage in such behaviours are actually the most sensitive when the same thing happens to them.

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