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Thread: Family and Friends problems

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    normal's Avatar
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    Default Family and Friends problems

    Hello there.

    I've not been here for a long time, actually, procrastinating and doing some shit around this mouths. But, i want to ask u guys a question about types.
    Reading this forum make me questions about how do you relate your problems with your family/friends. Just curiosity, because in my humild case, i feel devasted. Im not depressed right now, but fighting with my girlfriend or stay in a war between my friends doesnt make me feel good.
    So, I want to know how do you relate this kind of things in your life (or just how do you type generally take this things), maybe I can learn from you guys (and yeah, Im not asking u as a patient, just take the 'maybe' of the sentences).
    Hope you'll be fine.
    =)

    pd. and asnwer please =(

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Well, what's the type of the person you're having problems with? That would help a lot.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I'd take friends over a girlfriend. Short term gain is with the girlfriend, but at the age I'm assuming you are, it won't last. I've had friends that have been there for me since as young as 13 and would not trade them for a girl. Also, what is the strength of the friendship? It sounds minimal given that a girl would cause fights. I fucked a friend over once because of a girlfriend issue, but we both got over it and I never spoke to the girl again.

    Take the friends, homey. One day you'll be living out in the world on your own and you'll need a friend to help lift up a piece of furniture or something. There is greater probability in the friends helping you than the girlfriend.
    asd

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    Default Re: Family and Friends problems

    Quote Originally Posted by normal
    Hello there.

    I've not been here for a long time, actually, procrastinating and doing some shit around this mouths. But, i want to ask u guys a question about types.
    Reading this forum make me questions about how do you relate your problems with your family/friends. Just curiosity, because in my humild case, i feel devasted. Im not depressed right now, but fighting with my girlfriend or stay in a war between my friends doesnt make me feel good.
    So, I want to know how do you relate this kind of things in your life (or just how do you type generally take this things), maybe I can learn from you guys (and yeah, Im not asking u as a patient, just take the 'maybe' of the sentences).
    Hope you'll be fine.
    =)

    pd. and asnwer please =(
    My personal opinion on the best way to deal with people is to ask yourself why they say and do the things they do. Put yourself in their situation and try to make sense of everything from their perspective. If there are multiple people involved, do this for each of them. After you've figured it out the best you can, talk to them and say stuff like, "If I was the one who had *insert appropriate situation* happen to me, I'd probably be *insert appropriate state*." Make sure they can see that you respect them and that they're important to you, as are their opinions and whatnot. Ask them what you can do so that they're not as stressed out or frustrated or whatever. Their attitude will change to one of cooperation and the two of you will be more likely to find compromises or clear up misunderstandings.

    Another thing to keep in mind is that people will generally behave as you expect them to behave. Treat a child like a brat, and (s)he'll act like a brat, etc. Imagine that the people in your life already behave they way you want them to. Shifting your perspective like this can make a huge difference. You'll start treating them differently, and they'll respond by behaving the way you assume that they will. This doesn't always work, but it often does... and it can make a big difference.

    It's also important to set boundaries. Decide how you deserve to be treated, and then when someone is not treating you properly, tell them so. Just say that their behavior is not okay and move on... no need for dramatics. Just make sure your actions are consistent with what you say. :-)
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

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    Jarno's Avatar
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    Well socionics is the right place to understand what kind of relationship you have and what you can expect from it.

    Although making big changes to a certain relationship is not possible...

    We have to know your type and the type of the people you were referring to.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family and Friends problems

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    My personal opinion on the best way to deal with people is to ask yourself why they say and do the things they do.
    You sure about this? It never works with you
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    normal's Avatar
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    I don't know very well how works socionics and how can I identify people (just because I don't know all the types). My Questions was pure generally, my case wasn't for study. Anyway, Gilly said Im ISFp and Joy said Im ESFp. Whatever what it's the correct choice, when I have problems I try to avoid them. I just want to know how do you relate this things, just like the Joy's answer.

    EDIT::

    I forgot the answer of Health. Good advice anyway jeje

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    I'm with Heath. Better to have a girlfriend who is your friend than a girlfriend who you fight with. If you feel vindicated by defending your position to your lover, then you're in the wrong relationship.

    On type: Gilly's almost always right. Yeah, I see the ISFp too. If you were an ESFp, you wouldn't be asking questions about relationships, it would be something you just *know*. ( 7th function)

    If you're an ISFP, you won't be truly happy until you find an ENTp. You seem rather... dorky yourself, so it shouldn't be hard finding a suitable ENTp match. I would consult my "primer on reserach and personality (part 1)" thread however, before you begin. It helps to know what the sides are....

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    UDP's Avatar
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    Organize and execute around your priorities.


    This seems like a good time to reevaluate yourself and where you want to go with your life, what you want in terms of career, relationships, everything. Start with yourself, know what you want, and make relationship decisions based off of that. If you have no idea what your priorities are or what you want to work towards, then your decision making is reduced to arbitrary or excessively short term means.

    How old are you? What do you want in a relationship/girlfriend right now? Do you friends help you become the person you want to be? Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go? How is this girlfriend person fitting in relation to your ultimate scheme of things? And so on.

    Once you know what you want and what your priorities are, decision making becomes easier, and you can be more confident in your decisions. You can also make relationship choices more effectively, because you can honestly say - look, it does not seem like we are really working towards the same goal, or want the same things, etc - and you can determine whether or not it is a good use of time and energy to continue such an association.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    normal's Avatar
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    It's very hard for me 'think' on such impersonal ways. What I want? Dunno, maybe security, love, peace. My friends don't really care about me just like I care about them.
    I meet a cousin a couple of years who made me influenced to think rationality and 'cold'. Right now, I try for all the sake avoid to think on such ways. I've changed my personality too much, Its very hard to understand myself actually (why I do that, Why I speak in such manners and etc). That's why I can't type myself, because on every type i identify one part of myself.
    But, I try to don't get anxious with it. I learned that asking for help is not very complicated, even for knowing who I am.
    ISFp sounds fine to me, made me trust in myself. Sometimes i felt lossing that trust, because I unknow How functions and Types work very well.
    Anyway, Thanks for the advice guys.

    ps. I love my girlfriends, even if with her very impulsive-tomboy-actress behavior.

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