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Thread: Romancing Styles in Beta: "Aggressor" and "Victim" roles

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    UDP's Avatar
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    Default Romancing Styles in Beta: "Aggressor" and "Victim" roles

    Hello Betazoids.


    I would like it if you could comment on the aggressor/victim erotic roles somewhat.
    What do you look for in other people in this way?
    How is it rewarding for you to be involved in the aggressor/victim compatibility?


    For Kristiina, what is it like being married to another victim? And how, if at all, do you feel a need for an ISTj / Se from your partner - what are you looking for?

    For anyone else in a dual or aggressor victim relationship, comments are encouraged.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    um IMO its something like this :
    Ni Creative

    there are 3 levels of sword mastery :
    1.: ability to win with sword in your hand.
    2.: ability to win without sword in your hand, but in your soul.
    3, and the hightest one: without having sword nor in hand not in soul be able to win and bring peace to people.

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    Default Re: Beta: Aggressor / Victim

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    Hello Betazoids.


    I would like it if you could comment on the aggressor/victim erotic roles somewhat.
    What do you look for in other people in this way?
    How is it rewarding for you to be involved in the aggressor/victim compatibility?


    For Kristiina, what is it like being married to another victim? And how, if at all, do you feel a need for an ISTj / Se from your partner - what are you looking for?

    For anyone else in a dual or aggressor victim relationship, comments are encouraged.
    I luvv being a victim. I just get tired of waiting for people to make moves and force me to take the initiative. I basically want my guy to call me all the time and for me to have to call rarely. Basically I will get really uspet if my person doesn't call me on a certain day because I just wouldn't call back. You have to love agressors and ESTps are really cool. I wouldn't know anything about victim/agressor sex because I never did it with anyone. But yeah me and my INFp always get upset if our others start to ignore us and the thing is we were both with non-agressors who were just not "manly and controlling" in situations... i'll add more later...
    ENFj Ni subtype 3w4
    "And once you lose your way you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely"
    formerly onetreehilluver

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    We like feeling wanted, basically. There's a certain form of lurid excitement that can wash over us Victims at the thought of being tackled, handled.. whatever you like. It seems demanding, forceful, brash, bold -- all qualities we value in a partner. It's kinda like thinking we are so awesome that they can't keep their hands off us and want us all the time without us having to do much work. We like submitting to the stronger will of the Aggressor partner, but usually not before playing some games that tantalize the Aggressor even further. :wink:

    That emoticon expresses it VERY well, up above. We seem passive but we really want someone to do stuff to us.. haha


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
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    I believe that Socionics is overstating the aggressor/victim dichotomy. Though I prefer that someone else take the initiative, I'm perfectly fine being the pursuer if the situation requires me to be, which is probably related to Fe. A while back I was with an ISTj and he was very reluctant to initiate contact, which was probably due to his difficulty reading emotions and unconfidence in relationships. As a result, he needed me to take the first step in expressing my affections (and the accompanying physical acts), and was overall a very gentle partner.
    And while I prefer a decisive leader in a relationship, I prefer balance above all else. I don't want to be completely dominated or bossed around, and I don't want to be smothered or controlled during sex. Sometimes I like to take the lead.
    INFp, Intuitive subtype, Enneagram 6w5
    Back in school and on semi-permanent hiatus from the forum

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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    Yeah. ^^^ Under ideal circumstances, I would be totally fine taking the initiative. However, unless I am 100% certain that the person harbors feeeeeeeeeeelings for me, I'll wait until I have the green light first. I am fine with others taking the initiative as long as I actually liked them before they did (That's my biggest problem, lol. The guys that do take the initiative with me, I seem to happen to not like very much).
    , Se-sub
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    le petit prince raisonpure's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Herzy
    However, unless I am 100% certain that the person harbors feeeeeeeeeeelings for me, I'll wait until I have the green light first.
    So that's how one can keep the advances of ESTps at bay...

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    We like feeling wanted, basically. There's a certain form of lurid excitement (and fear of the consequences that result from intimacy with someone you don't know!) that can wash over us Victims at the thought of being tackled, handled.. whatever you like.
    I have a fear of physical attraction and automatically distance myself from guys who make me feel wanted/pursued or make me feel like throwing myself at them. I can't stand the anxiety of wondering when someone will make the pounce -- I become too aware of my physical existence -- so I doubt I can form a relationship with anyone who can make me feel like a prey.

    My SEE friend's habit is to get physical with people he develops crushes on without taking the time to learn their true character and estimate whether the relationship will work out in the long run. I am the very opposite -- there's no way I'm going to get involved someone unless I've penetrated their soul and can see a future with them. My SEE friend is one of the few who can give me the assurance that we'll be friends forever, but our relationship doesn't develop along Aggressor-Victim. I used to be so inconspicuous that he wouldn't notice me until I approached him, and I was more often the one to invite him on outings... Most attempts of which were unsuccessful because he'd either be booked already (being a mega socialite) or too tired to feel like going out ;_;

    But it works out is because he'll email me after months of no contact and be all "Miss you!" and "<3 you!" (I'd die if I were half as open about my feelings as he is...) and I look forward to living with him because he enjoys dressing me up and never criticizes me for my bad taste or anything else that my mother would call me a "retard" for. The other day, I asked him to check my hair and my choice of clothes through webcam and he'd make decisions for me in mere seconds when I'd hesitate for minutes and be "wtf... I just can't tell if this blends well or not". It's amazing how he's so sure about what looks good and what doesn't, and he saved me a lot of time by telling me to do this or do that like he's the authority on fashion I'm used to having my mother look at me with disgust and rant "you're a girl, can't you take better care of your appearance? why do you always go after such ugly clothes? what the hell is wrong with your eyes? you're hopeless!" so it was a pleasant shock how he willingly helped me out without a single complaint. At the end, I was able to walk out feeling confident with his stamp of approval
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raisonpure
    Quote Originally Posted by Herzy
    However, unless I am 100% certain that the person harbors feeeeeeeeeeelings for me, I'll wait until I have the green light first.
    So that's how one can keep the advances of ESTps at bay...
    At least for the logical subtypes, that is.
    , Se-sub
    8w8-3w8-7w8 sx/sx

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    See...this is another thing that doesn't fit for me. I like being the initiator, decider, and expresser of desire. I like seeing the look on *his* face when I tackle HIM. So...obviously...hrm...
    SEE Unknown Subtype
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    [21:29] hitta: idealism is just the gap between the thought of death
    [21:29] hitta: and not dying
    .

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    I like seeing the look on *his* face when I tackle HIM.

    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    I like seeing the look on *his* face when I tackle HIM.

    more caregiver than victim?

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    I like to switch...

    first one starts and teh other gets revved up until he/she takes over....then the opposite happens, of course always switching positions

    if you're always dominant then you end up being always in the same positions more or less
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    I like seeing the look on *his* face when I tackle HIM.

    more caregiver than victim?
    eh...I'd just leave it at Fe.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Khamelion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    Quote Originally Posted by Khamelion
    I like seeing the look on *his* face when I tackle HIM.

    more caregiver than victim?

    Could be...except....well I can see how George would say Fe but there is a certain...way to my tackling. See he likes the Fe, thats what he wants from me, and when I tackle he gets that feeling. But he also gets upset often because I'm not "being nice" but I'm not being mean either, which is me being neutral and not all It happens a lot and it takes me a while to realize thats why he's upset. To me, he should know that I always am attracted to him, love him, etc. I know I do, I've expressed it so many times in so many ways, it should be well known. But that isn't good enough for him most times. He needs validation often. While I need to feel I'm being listened to and concidered.

    Sorry if that seems off topic, it really is all related though...
    SEE Unknown Subtype
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    [21:29] hitta: idealism is just the gap between the thought of death
    [21:29] hitta: and not dying
    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    I like to switch...

    first one starts and teh other gets revved up until he/she takes over....then the opposite happens, of course always switching positions

    if you're always dominant then you end up being always in the same positions more or less
    same positions can get boring...sometimes only a couple of positions "work" though. LOL

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    I like to switch...

    first one starts and teh other gets revved up until he/she takes over....then the opposite happens, of course always switching positions

    if you're always dominant then you end up being always in the same positions more or less
    same positions can get boring...sometimes only a couple of positions "work" though. LOL

    ahah

    this reminds me of my fantastic morning
    SEE Unknown Subtype
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    [21:29] hitta: idealism is just the gap between the thought of death
    [21:29] hitta: and not dying
    .

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    I've been with some girls that would fit very well in the aggressor portrait: 2 ESTps and 1 ESFp
    One of the ESTps was very open to new things and suggested all kind of positions/techniques... she kinda knew what she wanted and I liked that.
    The other ESTp was just coming from a relationship with another Extrovert (not really sure what type). She was kinda reluctant in taking control... Unfortunately the relationship ended rather suddenly, not enough time to discover what might have been once she relaxed enough to really get over past the last relationship. She did seam to enjoy taking control but was reluctant due to past experience.

    The ESFp was a perfect example of an Aggressor. She was uninhibited and knew exactly what she wanted, how she wanted it. Intimate interaction with her could be simply described as "She f*cked my brains out" and I enjoyed it very very much.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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