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Thread: SLEs/ESTps having trouble accepting compliments and sincere affection (Fi polr)

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    Default SLEs/ESTps having trouble accepting compliments and sincere affection (Fi polr)

    And is this related to PoLR? I'm not talking about compliments like "you're so awesome," or "you're so (attractive, smart, interesting, etc.)", I'm talking about serious expressions of appreciation and emotionality.
    I ask because I have an ESTp friend who is moving away, and I sent him a somewhat sentimental goodbye email. I told him that I wished him the best, that he deserved the best, and that I hoped he would return one day so that my friends and I could see him again. Was I hitting his by doing this? I wonder because he hasn't responded to me yet, so I don't know if he reacted positively or not. I don't think I went beyond the ordinary INFp effusiveness by expressing my well wishes for him. Or did I?
    INFp, Intuitive subtype, Enneagram 6w5
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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    Assuming he likes you, he probably loved the letter. I'm guessing he just has no idea how to respond, so is procrastinating.
    , Se-sub
    8w8-3w8-7w8 sx/sx

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    It'd be just awesome to reiceve a love letter. I mean, to be loved is the hidden agenda! Sure we love sincere affection.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Blaze's Avatar
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    to answer the topic question....they like it but they don't let you know they like it...it'd make them too vulnerable.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    to answer the topic question....they like it but they don't let you know they like it...it'd make them too vulnerable.
    Thanks for the clarification, Diamond. I was hoping it was something along the lines of what you said .

    Sure we love sincere affection.
    Yeah, that should be obvious to me. It just seems like a push-and-pull kind of thing with ESTps, though. It's like, they want it, but are afraid of it at the same time.
    INFp, Intuitive subtype, Enneagram 6w5
    Back in school and on semi-permanent hiatus from the forum

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    Blaze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uninspired
    to answer the topic question....they like it but they don't let you know they like it...it'd make them too vulnerable.
    Thanks for the clarification, Diamond. I was hoping it was something along the lines of what you said .
    no problemo...do you have an estp in your life right now?

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    misutii's Avatar
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    I've done a similar thing, in regards to an ESTp, in the past - and I had the same concern as you (uninspired)! I was afraid that maybe she thought I was trying to flatter her and so didn't take the letter seriously though I was being sincere.... so it's comforting to know that such maybe's not the case! also she would never e-mail me back but instead msn me, do ESTps have aversion to e-mail/letters? should it be assumed that they prefer msn for example? (for conversing)
    INFp-Ni

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    I think you need to be a bit more touchy with an ESTp than compliments like that. (Depending on the ESTp but...)

    Personal Experience: I was in my own little world and I had this ESTp that did typical Cartman-esque things to get my attention... but really the dude just wanted me to put his arm around him for awhile and talk to him like 'one of the guys' (which I hated doing... Male Bonding POLR, because I want to fuck men, not be friends with them really, but whatever) Sometimes he would try to do ANNOYING AS HELL FUCKING SHIT just because he wanted to be physically touched by me. (NOT in a sexual way at all - he was just trying to get me to be more 'physical' about things) I noticed that sometimes even INFps will do this actually if I'm being REALLY passive.

    Once I did this though, he started to respect me a lot and quit making fun of me. I'm not really an INFp though so I couldn't keep it up so we just drifted apart but yeah...

    I think the INFp portrayal of them being kind of 'touchy-feely' is accurate in the description, because the ESTps I've known really do like that. If you're more standoffish like the INFj, they will start making fun of you. In fact I wonder how many INFjs confuse themselves with being INFps (and vice-versa) Then again we tend to be so scared of other people touching us in this country anyway, and it can get complicated.

    I think anybody appreciates a sincere love letter, regardless of type. Even if it was written by my fucking conflicter I would still like that lol. And no, I'm not saying that ESTps like to be groped and fondled or anything like that, but I think you do have to show more physical affection with them. (without getting scared put a hand on their shoulder or something like that, and remain good, physical eye-contact... and be RELAXED about it, if you can't do this naturally, don't, because they'll just call you out on it anyway- they're too good with their )

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    This is pretty funny because I notice that my ESTp does that alot. When I tell him that I miss him he says "yeah right" or "sure you do". I'm not sure if he's being sarcastic and knows that I am being sincere or if he's just a plain cynic.
    ENFj Ni subtype 3w4
    "And once you lose your way you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely"
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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    If people say "Im gonna miss you Ez" I just say "I wont miss you", met by "WHY NOT!?" and I say "because I just wont. If youre that bothered about seeing me, youll come and see my. Whats the point in whining about it in between?"

    If people say Im hot or intelligent, I do take it well. I dont boast, and it certainly doesnt go to my head. Im not modest, but Im not arrogant when I receive compliments either.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    Khamelion's Avatar
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    ENTp's too........
    SEE Unknown Subtype
    6w7 sx/so



    [21:29] hitta: idealism is just the gap between the thought of death
    [21:29] hitta: and not dying
    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra
    If people say "Im gonna miss you Ez" I just say "I wont miss you", met by "WHY NOT!?" and I say "because I just wont. If youre that bothered about seeing me, youll come and see my. Whats the point in whining about it in between?"

    If people say Im hot or intelligent, I do take it well. I dont boast, and it certainly doesnt go to my head. Im not modest, but Im not arrogant when I receive compliments either.
    pfft. this is bullshit you say to your parents.

    mom: I'll miss you ezra.
    ezra: whatever.

    or

    mom: i love you ezra
    ezra: Thanks.

    Only your mom knows you are hard.
    asd

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    lol why do people automatically assume just because somebody is being an asshole they're an ESTp? lol ... I love Ezra's estp-wannabe attitude it's so cute.

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    x
    Last edited by HitmanISTP; 07-25-2008 at 12:16 AM.

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    I think I got a reason why they don't believe you if you compliment them. ESTPs are like Car Salesman, they use compliments when they are lying or are indifferent. Because of that belief they find anyone who compliments them to be fake.
    Good point.
    INFp, Intuitive subtype, Enneagram 6w5
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