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Thread: How do IEEs-ENFps see if someone is attracted to them?

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    Default How do IEEs-ENFps see if someone is attracted to them?

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    Last edited by HitmanISTP; 07-25-2008 at 01:15 AM.

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    If a guy pays a lot of attention to me, stares a couple seconds longer, laughs more, notices when I walk by, etc. I'd say most of it is eye contact or a vibe. Or they might pick lint off of me or something like that.

    I only know for sure if someone is attracted to me if they tell me, or compliment me. Otherwise I'll be in a constant state of "hmmm....maybe they do? maybe they don't?" I'll make up excuses for anything. Like "he had to talk to me because he was waiting for a bus, not because he liked me, etc." Or, we went on a date but maybe he was bored and had nothing else to do. So if they don't flat out tell me, I'll never quite know for sure.

    But generally I'll get a vibe because guys are usually pretty ovbious about it. Also, if they stare at you when you look away after saying something and hold that for a few seconds. Or if they seem to be having trouble talking.

    If I like him back I'd generally show it non-verbally. With someone who is introverted, I'd make an effort to ask them questions and be interested in the answers, make a lot of eye contact. If I was sure he was into me, and wasn't making a move, I'd do something that would make it very easy for him to make a move.

    With people I definitely didn't like, I wouldn't make hardly any eye contact at all and just try to get away from them. Unless I thought they were a non-threatening friend, in which case I would kid around, and it might possibly look like flirting. But once I realized that's what he thought, I'd stop and then would stop the eye contact and ignore him for a while until he backed off.

    Is there an ENFP you're trying to figure out hitman? Do tell. Maybe we can help analyze it.
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    It depends on whether the ENFp in question values logic or not. Logic is pretty much bistable: it only accepts true or false.

    If an ENFp responds using ethics, he's likely to keep always in a state somewhere between those two options. So even if he has noticed some interest he'll likely try to find an alternative explanation for it.

    An older or perhaps more experienced ENFp would eventually go away from indeterminism and take a more black-and-white-ish approach to such things. So if he notices some interest he might as well just think "true", even if it is false. But the point is that hesitation usually goes away with age and experience.
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    Default Re: How do ENFPs know if someone is attracted to them?

    Quote Originally Posted by HitmanISTP
    How do ENFps know if someone is attracted to them?
    And what do you ENFPs do about it if you find the other person somewhat attractive?

    if he puts his arms around me and kisses me...then i get the feeling he may actually be attracted to me...though i guess it depends on the kiss....

    if i find him attractive...i kiss back
    otherwise...i'll push him away and give him a dirty look.


    but I suppose that's not quite what you were looking for, eh?

    while i might think someone might like me...i'm never really quite sure, there could always be other reasons for his actions, his looks, his smile, his jokes, etc.
    but the times when I've been sure that someone liked me were the times when they took some initiative.

    like a time when i had finished walking my dogs and was getting into my truck....I glanced up and met the eyes of a cyclist.
    he passed by me quickly (he was cycling after all), and I turned to look at him again...and he had turned to look at me at the same time. Then i got into my truck and started driving away ...but the guy had turned around and came back to talk to me. That showed me he had at least some kind of interest in me....hehehe

    another time was when i met an istp i dated briefly. we met at a club. his friends had engaged me into talking with them while i waited in line for some water from the bar. (waitresses don't like serving water for some reason). While talking with them, I didn't think he liked me at all. I laughed and was polite to them, and just as i was turning away to get my water, the istp stood up and asked me if i'd like to dance. He waited until I got my water and walked me to my table so I could set it down, and then placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me out onto the floor. That was such a thrill. And after that he walked me to my table and asked if he could sit there. I agreed, and we got to talking and dancing the night away. Now, by the end of the night I thought he might actually be kind of interested in me. He invited my friend and I to join him and his friends out on a boat. We accepted...me a bit hesitantly. But we had to drop by at my friend's house for something..he had no problem following us there (so that we could follow him to the docking area where the boat was). While we were waiting for my friend, we chitchatted...small talk really. And then out of the blue he moved in and kissed me. This drowned out all doubts that he may have been just being nice to us.

    after that night, when he called me when he was home (he's an international pilot so only in this hometown at irregular times)..it was like letting me know he liked me...each time. Because he took the initiative. He kept his word to me. I never felt put down in his presence despite him having money and me being piss-poor and in a crappy crappy neighborhood. I always felt accepted for me, myself. And because of that...he had my loyalty.

    ****

    Richard didn't take any initiative when I met him, though. I did.
    But to help me be sure that he wanted to be with me, I had to ask him to do things that would help me remove some fears/doubts. Like telling him that if he didn't call me, he wouldn't be coming to my birthday party. He really hates the phone. So I was actually surprised when he did call me (I kept it short so that it wouldn't be too stressful on him). But the mere fact that he called me when he hates phones showed me that he wanted to be with me.

    it's not like i set tests for him or anything like that....there were just some things i needed for me to help clear some doubts/fears...and i momentarily went against my grain to ask for them. thankfully, he liked me enough to go against his grain momentarily. And no, we don't attempt to change the other...it was just during those first times at learning how to communicate with each other.

    imo, someone who's willing to communicate with you despite difficulties/fears is showing SOMEthing good
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    anndelise, what lovely stories! What type is Richard?

    That's intersting because I had a similar problem w/ an ISTP, in that I would doubt whether he really like me, or if he liked ten other girls too. But I think in that case, he did like 10 other girls too, So it's good you found a way to clear that up w/ Richard, where he could prove his interest to you and make it clear.

    That international pilot thing must have been fun though I think you're right on as far as someone that's willing to communicate w/ you despite doubts/fears. If they aren't willing to withstand some uncertainty, it's clear to me they don't really like me enough to try.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    It depends on whether the ENFp in question values logic or not. Logic is pretty much bistable: it only accepts true or false.

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    anndelise, what lovely stories! What type is Richard?

    That's intersting because I had a similar problem w/ an ISTP, in that I would doubt whether he really like me, or if he liked ten other girls too. But I think in that case, he did like 10 other girls too, So it's good you found a way to clear that up w/ Richard, where he could prove his interest to you and make it clear.

    That international pilot thing must have been fun though I think you're right on as far as someone that's willing to communicate w/ you despite doubts/fears. If they aren't willing to withstand some uncertainty, it's clear to me they don't really like me enough to try.
    Richard is ISFp.
    We're definitely not duals, but he's been my longest and most stable relationship by far, and the only person I've wanted marriage with.

    But before I met him, I had always needed someone who was able to step over that doubt/fear line to communicate with me. I learned how to do that from the ISTp...and thus got Richard. yeah me!!!!
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    As far as ISTps go, I had a hard time reading my husband when we first got together. He's still hard to read but it helps to have been together for so long. But I remember a time when I thought he'd decided he didn't like me after all.

    I guess what I did was try to figure out whether he was interested. At some point he started with the caretaker behavior and I knew pretty confidently that he was very interested. The first time that happened, we were at an event where there was a buffet, and we looked at what was available, and he said if I told him what I liked he'd get a plate together and I could sit and relax. When I met my husband, I had just gotten out of a long relationship with an ENTj. He would *never* have done that and thought I was high maintenance because I like that kind of thing. At first I felt guilty, like my now-husband would be annoyed by me liking that kind of thing too, but it made him very happy to do it and I really appreciated it, and he seemed to like it when I showed my appreciation.
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    I can normally tell if a girl wears a whipped cream bikini.

    Sadly i dont think this will work for you Hitman.
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

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    They don't need to. Everybody is attracted to them (Except the ISTjs).
    Intuition

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    Quote Originally Posted by jas05
    They don't need to. Everybody is attracted to them (Except the ISTjs).
    Wow your a legend Jas.

    Wish that were true
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by jas05
    They don't need to. Everybody is attracted to them (Except the ISTjs).
    Wow your a legend Jas.

    Wish that were true
    Yeah, wouldn't that be nice?
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by jas05
    They don't need to. Everybody is attracted to them (Except the ISTjs).
    Wow your a legend Jas.

    Wish that were true
    Yeah, wouldn't that be nice?
    But it's true! You guys beat yourselves up too much. ENFps are great! And very attractive! (except to ISTjs)
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    At least according to my experience with 1 ENFp, 1 ISTj and several other ppl who all know each other, it's true.
    Intuition

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    if someone starts slowly putting me into their wood chipper, I know they love me

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    Ahh yes, nothing says "I Love You" like impassioned dismemberment. Till death do we part...

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    Default Re: How do ENFPs know if someone is attracted to them?

    Quote Originally Posted by HitmanISTP
    And what do you ENFPs do about it if you find the other person somewhat attractive?
    IME:

    If ENFps are attracted to you, they are demonstrative - e.g., flatter, lay into you, innuendos galore, "looks", maybe sexual boasting, etc. It can take many forms, but ENFps get VERY flirtatious. If they "like" you, you'll know! But you'll wonder, are they seriously interested in pursuing MORE with me? And, is it ME or them in love with "flirting/love/sex"? That is the real mystery.

    How to know? It's beyond me. Part could be when they actually start getting shy and try acting normal around you, rather than simply charming you again (as they are so lovable). Getting personal such as calmly and sincerely asking how you feel, etc. They easily take initiative, e.g., to start seeing you on a regular basis. Or give you gifts expecting you to "read between the lines" and now expect YOU to take the risk and show "a sign" ... sigh. I admit, I have misread them in the past.

    ENFps are not always clear about their intentions and what they're expecting for from you. This can lead to noncommunication, misunderstandings and missed opportunities. I think they can be just as elusive as ISTps supposedly can, and deserve the "mysterious" reputation, too.

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    you can never tell until the restraining order
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