ENFp Ne-subtype observer of social situations

[meatburger]

Its becomming clear to me lately that im an observer of social situations a lot more than a participant. Im starting to realise im an Ne subtype. Whenever i meet a new group of people, i feel like a seperate entity from the group, split apart just watching. I will talk to anyone who engages me and sometimes put my two cents in but im just not a big talker. Im less of a talker in fact than my INFj or ISTp friends. Im pretty good at faking that im not uncomfortable though so no one really worries about it.

I couldn't explain exactly what im observing as i dont think i even know. I saw a guy on another table picking up a girl tonight and i looked over a little later and he looked me directly in the eye with some sort of fear or hesitance. Not hestiance from me it was to do with girl he was talking with. He wasn't totally confortable with what was going on and im probablly wrong but he wanted something? I was at the local sports team today and i was cheering and excited but still felt split apart. I was just pondering how AFL football seems so important to all the supporters lives. Perhaps its a lack of Se.

Anyway sorry to post about me. Im just confused. Ive always been confused im not sure what my social role is. Its like i float above normal social interactions and cannot ever totally take part. There must be a way to bend this in my favour? Maybe i need to just participate more i just dont know.

[Slacker]

I'm like that in some groups, and I'm a complete participant, if not a leader, in other groups. I have no idea why it works out that way. Comfort level in each group? I don't know.

[Mea]

lol. I like that in some groups too.
But in groups where I'm more comfortable in, I tend to interact quite a bit. Usually I'd just talk to one person at a time. Getting to know more about that person. Or just asking questions, listening to what each one has to say.
I realized that in big groups where everyone is kinda "interacting with each other" (hope you get what I mean), that's when I tend to stay quiet and just observe people.

[Slacker]

lol. I like that in some groups too.
But in groups where I'm more comfortable in, I tend to interact quite a bit. Usually I'd just talk to one person at a time. Getting to know more about that person. Or just asking questions, listening to what each one has to say.
I realized that in big groups where everyone is kinda "interacting with each other" (hope you get what I mean), that's when I tend to stay quiet and just observe people.

Everyone interacting with each other is probably . Yeah that's probably the difference for me too.

[HitmanISTP]

x

[jewels]

Well I know I've read a description of enfp that talked about feeling "split off" from things. I know I've felt that way at times! But it could also be sooo many other things.

Maybe the particular group you're in bores you at times? And so you find yourself observing them and thinking "why do they act like that? weird." And then you start looking around the room. I do that if I get bored with people. Or maybe you like the group, but are just a little bit shy? I used to be very shy and I always felt split off like that. It could be so many things.

I mean, it's possible you're the Ne subtype, but I get the feeling the Ne subtype would really enjoy being "split off" from the group and not even notice that they were.

Or maybe you're just not comfortable in the new group yet?

I have a male enfp friend and I noticed the last time we went to happy hour, he was very quiet. But I think part of that is that it was the first time he went w/ my group of friends and he only knew a couple of people there. Because I knew everyone already, I could just say whatever and know it'd be cool. But when you don't know how people will react to things, I think it makes you hold back a bit. But it wasn't bad that he was quiet. It made him almost have that mysterious thing that istps have.

[Minde]

Its becomming clear to me lately that im an observer of social situations a lot more than a participant. Im starting to realise im an Ne subtype. Whenever i meet a new group of people, i feel like a seperate entity from the group, split apart just watching. I will talk to anyone who engages me and sometimes put my two cents in but im just not a big talker. Im less of a talker in fact than my INFj or ISTp friends. Im pretty good at faking that im not uncomfortable though so no one really worries about it.

I couldn't explain exactly what im observing as i dont think i even know. I saw a guy on another table picking up a girl tonight and i looked over a little later and he looked me directly in the eye with some sort of fear or hesitance. Not hestiance from me it was to do with girl he was talking with. He wasn't totally confortable with what was going on and im probablly wrong but he wanted something? I was at the local sports team today and i was cheering and excited but still felt split apart. I was just pondering how AFL football seems so important to all the supporters lives. Perhaps its a lack of Se.

Anyway sorry to post about me. Im just confused. Ive always been confused im not sure what my social role is. Its like i float above normal social interactions and cannot ever totally take part. There must be a way to bend this in my favour? Maybe i need to just participate more i just dont know.

That's the way I am most of the time. It's normal for me.

Don't worry about fitting into a social role. Instead, make a new one that's you. Take what you naturally do well, even if it's not usual or what you see in other people, and then use it for good. For example, how you sit apart (not physically, but… you know), that can make you more approachable and comfortable for the shyer or more fearful people. Or, as you're observing, if you notice someone that needs a kind word, or if something's about to go wrong you can do something to head it off. I don't know, things like that. For example, I already know that you’re good at cheering up your INFj friend.

[meatburger]

Thanks everyone

I had a few beers last night lol. That is how i often feel though. I think it just all stems from my ESTj friend leaving for overseas and my falling out with an ENTj friend. Ive been going out with two ISTp's i know but they are very ISTp lol. They introduce me to their friends etc but dont really sit with me. There off walking around talking to people etc. ISTp's have the whole "Other people can take care of themselves" thing going on which suits me just fine most of the time. The problem is even though i could easily strike up conversation i just dont feel compelled too.

Anyway, its time for my bad thoughts to *poof* dissapear lol. Its 8:35am - Today is a new day and you just never know whats around the corner. All you need is to meet one resplendent person that could change your life forever.

For example, I already know that you’re good at cheering up your INFj friend

Yeah, he is the one person that seems to truly benefit from my presence. INFj's and ENFp's have that mirror affinity and Fi connection that is very nice. I bow my head to the INFj.

[Blaze]

i've watch enfp's and entp's get quieter as they get older. i think we learn to hold back a little so we know what kinds of situations and people we are getting into/with.

[mikemex]

I'll merge two threads in one (both topics revolve around staying away from the crowd):

One thing Deltas are really bad at is leadership. Delta leaders (like George W. Bush, or our own rmcnew) usually end up alienating many of their followers. I have noticed this with INFjs and ESTjs alike. So yes, Delta groups probably don't have much cohesion.

The crowd is the enemy of virtue. It has no intelligence; such property belonging to individuals. Instead, the crowd demands from the individual consensus, pretending that the most widely accepted view is the correct one. The truth, however, is not a matter of numbers. Usually a view is accepted because it requires the least amount of reasoning, as the level of the crowd is determined by the level of the weakest of its members.

So those who aspire to virtue avoid the crowd, looking at it as a threatening place where reason has no value. They only value and respect other individuals who respect reason and put it before acceptance.

The virtuous man is by nature a loner one.

[Rick]

Its becomming clear to me lately that im an observer of social situations a lot more than a participant. Im starting to realise im an Ne subtype. Whenever i meet a new group of people, i feel like a seperate entity from the group, split apart just watching. I will talk to anyone who engages me and sometimes put my two cents in but im just not a big talker. Im less of a talker in fact than my INFj or ISTp friends. Im pretty good at faking that im not uncomfortable though so no one really worries about it.

I couldn't explain exactly what im observing as i dont think i even know. I saw a guy on another table picking up a girl tonight and i looked over a little later and he looked me directly in the eye with some sort of fear or hesitance. Not hestiance from me it was to do with girl he was talking with. He wasn't totally confortable with what was going on and im probablly wrong but he wanted something? I was at the local sports team today and i was cheering and excited but still felt split apart. I was just pondering how AFL football seems so important to all the supporters lives. Perhaps its a lack of Se.

Anyway sorry to post about me. Im just confused. Ive always been confused im not sure what my social role is. Its like i float above normal social interactions and cannot ever totally take part. There must be a way to bend this in my favour? Maybe i need to just participate more i just dont know.

Ha, this is the story of my life up to maybe the past 5 years or so, and still happens a lot :-) "Floating above" is a great way of putting it.

It seems like you're talking about your behavior in "other people's" social situations which you haven't been part of creating. I can totally relate to the feelings of indifference and noninvolvement. Maybe, what you need to "turn on" is situations that you have initiated?

One thing I have noticed is that it has been great to simply accept this quality and stop worrying about it. If you're holding back and observing, you should feel comfortable and confident about doing so. It's a legitimate behavior strategy, and it has its benefits.

Also, maybe your behavior tends to change if you're put in a situation with people for longer than just one day? Like once a week over a longer period of time, or for several days with the same group? I'm sure you would gradually turn on and start to influence events more and more. That's what I have noticed in myself.

[meatburger]

Yeah im not suprised you can relate to this Rick, i can relate to you a lot. It doesn't bother me a great deal, i think it stems from always being self conscious. Im not self conscious as in nervous just always conscious of being me lol. I have never been able to forget that i exist very easily and just go with it. I have basically learn't that this is a bi product of who i am though.

I agree that it is a valid social strategy. Sometimes i get a feeling of arrogance in social situations. I often see people and the way they talk and interact and i see the flaws in what they are doing. I suppose i can also see how it could be improved. I don't like this in me its not a good way of looking at people. When i use my social functions, mine certianlly are pretty dull these days so im no better in that area than anyone else.

The indifference comes often from me not wanting to expend the energy for small talk. To be honest i feel this is pretty normal for some ENFp's though so we just have to roll with it

[NeonMonk]

For me it depends on the mood and the people I'm with.

It also depends whether it's *my* group or I'm just a tag along. I tend to dominate the conversations and go into overdrive when it's a group of my friends.

However when it's a group of people I don't really know except for a couple of people, I'll sit back and sus everyone out, firstly trying to single out someone or a couple of people I feel comfortable making meaningless conversation with. It has to be good humored and free flowing.

Sometimes when I feel really uncomfortable around people (either people whom I think are trying to compete with me or people whom seem close minded / sensitive / ultranegative) I'll just take a back seat for a while and wait for my opportunity to butt in and let people know how I roll.

If that opportunity never comes round I simply chalk it up as a loss and try not to socialise in that group often.

At least, I think that's what I do.

[olduser]

Well, if you can do it without seeming like a prick I commend you. Acquaintances think I'm an asshole sometimes because when they address me with smalltalk or personalized anecdotes I usually stop paying attention. I don't feel bad-- there are people who tell good stories and people who don't. I prefer the former in casual conversation.