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Thread: Extraverts and lonliness

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    intjguy's Avatar
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    Default Extraverts and lonliness.

    What does it feel like?

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    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
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    Some seem to be fine with solitude. Rationals and logical extraverts tend to be better able to cope with it. I actually know many introverts (myself included) who cannot go without human contact for very long without feeling lonely, neurotic and restless. I can't speak for extraverts in regards to how it feels for them. I suspect it's no different than what it feels like for introverts - our extraverted ego function needing to find an outlet/stimulation.
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    I'm usually alright with it, but I might get restless after a bit.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Herzy
    I'm usually alright with it, but I might get restless after a bit.
    Yeah, I was about to say, restless is probably the best way to describe how I'd feel after a while.

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    I feel alright with it, but when I actually get human contact, I realize I wasn't feeling that good.

    If I get exercise/movement, though, I can go without contact for long.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I kinda go through spells where im ok to be alone for long peroids of time and i dont think anything of it, im perfectly comfortable with it and dont need or want that much social interaction. Other times....like a the moment, I want lots and lots of human interaction, and I start noticing very quickly when im alone and its a bit depressing when there is no-one who wants to meet up or do anything. At these times I usually try to arange things with people so that I dont go very long without company.

    Any one else have this kinda pattern?

    Just in my experience, ESTp's and ESFp's seem to want the most interaction with people, they can pester people quite badly to avoid being alone.
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    If I'm doing something else that I feel to be productive and/or interesting and/or useful, I can go without company for a very long time.
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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    I *hate* being alone. Just hate it. I go out with people almost everyday for hours to avoid the feeling of sitting alone. However, if I've had a day of a lot of activity.. I might go another couple days doing not much, but rarely do I ever just stay home entirely. I always see someone for a few hours, etc. It's just .. it helps me cope. I love talking with people. I can't stand the feeling of being lonely. It is one of my worst fears - to not have someone to tell things to, to not have others tell things to me. Yeah, I don't really feel the supposed "burn out" introverts feel after a long-time interaction with people.


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    For being an introvert, I cannot tolerate being alone. I do need quiet time to get away from everything, but if that goes on for a prolonged period, I get bored and depressed and anxious.

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    i'd much prefer to be with my peeps. but if forced, i can tolerate being alone. that said, i'd always choose to be with others.

    ILE

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    When I'm at home, I prefer to be alone since I tend to associate my home environment with comfort and solitude. I especially hate it when I'm doing a solitary activity and I get interrupted.

    On the OTHER hand, when I'm out of the house (e.g. at work), I'm very prone to feelings of loneliness. I remember several weeks ago, we had a work outing to a local comedy club. Not all of us could fit on one table, and, although we were waiting for a few others to arrive, I sat on my own on an adjacent table at first. Just that started making me anxious, wanting someone to come sit with me so I wouldn't be alone. After several minutes, everyone came over to my table anyway since it was close to an air conditioner in an otherwise stuffy room. That set me at ease then.

    Just out of curiosity, the situation above. Could that be attributed to PoLR and/or HA? Or am I just a psychological wreck? (Not that the latter answer would be news to me anyway )
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    I love talking with people. I can't stand the feeling of being lonely. It is one of my worst fears - to not have someone to tell things to, to not have others tell things to me. Yeah, I don't really feel the supposed "burn out" introverts feel after a long-time interaction with people.
    I never used to feel like that, but recently I do. I defo used to get 'introverts burnout' quite a lot, it never used to take that long of being around people and talking to them before I got mentally tired in that way and had to disengage for a bit. But recently I dont get it at all, i can chat and chat for ages and not feel the need to disengage from people for a breather. I think maybe its because of identity/value system change I think iv'e had recently.

    Anyone else got anything to say about 'introverts burnout' ?
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    Lately i do get burnt out quite a lot and im supposed to be an Extravert. I think somewhere along the line i decided to use a lot of Fe in groups etc. If thats what im using that would explain it i suppose. Lately i have just decided not to be charming and just be slightly quieter. Seems to be much easier for me. Unfortunately at this point in time general chit chat seem's inane to me. I often go out with friends and they are talking and it just seems to bore me to death.
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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Lately i do get burnt out quite a lot and im supposed to be an Extravert. I think somewhere along the line i decided to use a lot of Fe in groups etc. If thats what im using that would explain it i suppose. Lately i have just decided not to be charming and just be slightly quieter. Seems to be much easier for me. Unfortunately at this point in time general chit chat seem's inane to me. I often go out with friends and they are talking and it just seems to bore me to death.
    Not the right company
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    I don't think i'd suffer from the introvert burnout thing so much if I didn't constantly feel the need to be more outgoing whenever i'm around others. I overextend myself for others and it's not long before I snap and need to get away.

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    Quote Originally Posted by cracka
    Quote Originally Posted by Herzy
    I'm usually alright with it, but I might get restless after a bit.
    Yeah, I was about to say, restless is probably the best way to describe how I'd feel after a while.
    Ditto. That, or else I get depressed, which says to me "Hey, maybe you should get your lazy ass off the couch and go visit someone!"
    But, for a certainty, back then,
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    Quote Originally Posted by cracka
    Quote Originally Posted by Herzy
    I'm usually alright with it, but I might get restless after a bit.
    Yeah, I was about to say, restless is probably the best way to describe how I'd feel after a while.
    Ditto. That, or else I get depressed, which says to me "Hey, maybe you should get your lazy ass off the couch and go visit someone!"
    Then I play with my phone a bit and just start texting people until I find something to do.
    1 "hey what's up?"
    2 "hey what's up?"
    3 "hey what's up?"
    4 "hey what's up?"

    #2 responds back, "nothing much what you up to?"
    "nothing, let's go bowling or shoot some pool."
    2 "OK..."
    then 1 and 3 respond back and I tell them "i'm going bowling with 2 if you ain't got shit to do."
    3 "cool, meet ya there."
    1 "ah, maybe next time, later."

    *End of restless and lonely time*


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    I wish I had the ability to ask people to do things. It stupid but I always feel like I'm bothering them. Texting is a little easier but still..

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    I wish I had the ability to ask people to do things. It stupid but I always feel like I'm bothering them. Texting is a little easier but still..
    In my experience the people who worry about being like that are exactly the people who I'd never view as being bothersome if they were to suggest we go do something.
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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elro
    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    I wish I had the ability to ask people to do things. It stupid but I always feel like I'm bothering them. Texting is a little easier but still..
    In my experience the people who worry about being like that are exactly the people who I'd never view as being bothersome if they were to suggest we go do something.
    Exactly! If you're not prone to being incessant with these kinds of things, people aren't going to be thinking "God, that girl is so annoying, she's always trying to hang out with me," now are they?
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

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    Under cerulean skies...

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    True. I hardly ever ask, i've been trying to get over that fear 'they'll say no or think i'm annoying'. Really has no basis in reality. I'm always thrilled when someone asks me to do something. Guess it can't hurt to try.

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Aww, jess.. you should try and ask more. I always do. I guess I could be perceived as annoying, but I just don't care! Really, why sit around and waste time thinking about whether you should do something or not as opposed to just doing it? You'll save a lot of time worrying and pondering over what others think and actually being happy outside chilling with some random person of interest, no? They won't say no, NO THEY WON'T!


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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    I wish I had the ability to ask people to do things. It stupid but I always feel like I'm bothering them. Texting is a little easier but still..
    i feel like this too. but i force myself to ask anyway!

    ILE

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    Quote Originally Posted by BLauritson
    When I'm at home, I prefer to be alone since I tend to associate my home environment with comfort and solitude. I especially hate it when I'm doing a solitary activity and I get interrupted.
    I have always been what they call a loner. I get really comfortable and almost "euphoric" in total solitude and I am not ashamed or bothered about this either. I do not feel lonely very often, I usually can't wait to go home to be by myself after a day of being around others. I do feel bothered and lonely when I am "forced" to interact with or be alongside a group of people (especially of the loud, gregarious sort) for more than a couple minutes...that is when I start getting the burnt-out feeling.

    More directly on the topic of extraverts and lonliness, I would have to say that ESFjs more than all the other extraverts seem to have a really difficult time being on their own for even a little while. Nearly all the disputes that I have had with ESFjs originated from what I see as them sort of wanting to "prey off my energy" and "suffocate" me with their desire for my company to deal with their lonliness when I just want to be left alone.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    I wish I had the ability to ask people to do things. It stupid but I always feel like I'm bothering them. Texting is a little easier but still..
    I agree. It really depends on the person being extrovert/introvert. It's harder with introverts because they know what you are after and may have personal sentiments about the situation and your asking. But I know if I call one of my extrovert friends it'll only be a minute or two before they'll invite me over/out. And I'm always calling people to hang out because I don't arrange many social gatherings unless it's trying to get people to play sports or music. Those are the things i like to do, and like to organize. Hanging out is different. I really like welcoming people.
    asd

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