tell me if this fits:
-known each other for 3 years
-initially discussed a lot of science and philosophy, bounced a lot of ideas back and forth
-had both been sort of starved for intellectual discussions, so exhausted many topics rather quickly. it was pretty exhilarating.
-would have long correspondences, first over email, then IM, and occasionally over phone, but never discussed personal matters, with the exception of work on occasion (if that can be considered personal)
-our IM correspondences would largely begin after one of us shared an article or other information we had discovered
-during the first two years, we'd have significant periods of silence between our conversations. there was never any mention of it, which was nice. for once, i wasn't the only one detaching.
-we only saw each other in person 3 times in the first two years we knew each other and never really expressed the desire to see more of each other although i'm pretty sure we both thought of each other as a close friend.
-never had many conflicts for the first year, although there were a few times i was being playful and i guess he perceived it as flirting, at which time he would say something like "shut the fuck up." half kidding, but basically serious.
-given the above tendency, i became very careful about monitoring my moods around him. not that i have serious mood swings that i wish to reveal to people, but i was very conscious of having to remain an apt discussion partner, and nothing more. i would intentionally not talk to him when feeling funny or like being random. he cannot deal well with my randomness.
-with humor, it depends. sometimes we laugh at the same things. i often get his jokes, but can't say that i find all of them funny. he sometimes gets my jokes, but only if they are based on something he knows.
- he always was the one to call me, with few exceptions. it's not that i didn't want to talk to him, but he is the type of person to plan when he will call someone, whereas i prefer to just pick up the phone and call when i get the urge (not a phone person at all, but it happens from time to time).
-after awhile, he would occasionally take it upon himself to advise me in matters where i did not want his advice. this was irritating. he seemed offended when i would say i didn't want advice, as if i were a helpless child and he knew the way i should go. conflicts never lasted long though. we could be annoyed at each other, but soon after, be fine.
*after two years, we suddenly started hanging out. i moved into my own apartment, so he came over. we had sex the first time he came over. he started coming over more frequently, which was cool, but sort of baffled me in a way because i could not tell if he was having a good time or not, except when it came to the sex (which seemed good for both of us).
-this funny thing developed where during sex we would be intense and there were certain allowances for expressing affection/pleasure, but otherwise the relationship remained cold. seriously it is like a switch. the minute we're done, there's no touching til the next time, no talking about it, no anything except discussing more science, philosophy, watching a movie, or sitting near each other, each reading a book.
-this is basically where we are now
-there are some short-lived conflicts, almost always starting during a scientific discussion. if i branch out from science you could read in a textbook and use my imagination or simply brainstorm, he immediately tells me i am wrong and not making sense. i try to tell him that i am not wrong and that i do make sense outside his personal context, but he usually persists in very heavyhandedly explaining the science behind what we're discussing, in the meantime dismissing what i had to say (funny because from my point of view, usually we agree on a fundamental level, but express things so differently that he thinks i'm wrong, and not only that, but "uninformed.")
- i sort of roll my eyes when he does the above, but am the first to admit i don't know it all, whereas he will say he doesn't know it all, but acts like he does. he always thinks he "wins" these arguments, whereas i think he's just being bullheaded and narrow-minded. . one time we started arguing about why there is a need for a theory of everything. he was discussing the science, as was i, but when i suddenly said "any number divided by itself = 1, so perhaps it is not only one theory, but can thought of as x/x where x could be basically any number," he got very annoyed. he tells me i can't argue about something that is not before me (meaning something that has been proven). i didn't see the problem with bringing up the simple math property in the context of our discussion, found it relevant, and so on....
i'm sure there's a lot of stuff i'm forgetting, so ask me questions.