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Thread: Is there a flaw in my thought process?

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    Default Is there a flaw in my thought process?

    This isn't really related to socionics, but it has been a problem for me since I was about seven in one form or another, and I wonder what it stems from. It might be interesting to see what functions are employed here, though.

    There's something that always prevents me from ever asking my other friends to spend time with me, mainly a concern about appropriateness.

    For instance, I have classmates I talk to occasionally on Facebook who I waved to everyday, but didn't really talk to. I've asked them for advice and told them some of my worries through messages, to which they've usually responded helpfully. I want to spend time with them, but they haven't tried to include me in what they do with their other friends. I worry that offering my phone number, asking for theirs, or asking to spend time with them, would be seen as a presumptuous attempt at encroachment on their valuable time, or worse, a sexual advance (towards friends of either gender, actually).

    But is it possible that they enjoy talking to people as much as I do, and would welcome a phone call or visit sometimes, even if they are usually busy, and wouldn't find my asking offensive? I know that I wouldn't find it offensive, but I also know that I'm different from most people in my thinking.

    I also wonder if my being male complicates things by making it less appropriate for me to want to spend time with anyone, because it would cause me to be naturally viewed as dangerous, selfish, obtuse, and driven whether I actually am or not, and thus I feel like I have to project as moral and reserved an image as possible to counteract the nature I assume that people assume I have.

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    heath's Avatar
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    I don't reccommend advertising yourself as a guy who just wants to sit down and talk. I don't think long, thoughtful discussions can be scheduled.
    asd

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    You shouldn't worry about this at all. If anybody gets all freaked out just because you give them your number, that's their problem not yours. Trust me on this, I've had people give me their numbers a lot. And while I may or may not care that they did, I never get upset about it. Why would I? It's just ridiculous. I'm flattered more than anything.

    People can be such prudes and a lot of people are jealous of people that go to clubs a lot and have sex and say they have 'no goals' in life but they really shouldn't be. Usually those people tend to be some of the most wonderful people I have ever met, they are not players they are just honest about what they want. You learn a lot more out of life outside of both the classroom and the workplace. If you can't be comfortable with your real personality that isn't some fake corporate cover-up just to make your grandmother go 'I'm so proud of this one' you are a shitty human being and I hope you rot in hell, I seriously believe that. People like that have been nothing but enemies to me my entire life. If you can't find other things to talk about than your job, or where you went to school, or 'what you do' you are innately uninteresting to the core and you are despised no matter what you think of yourself.

    I'm attracted to people that can be open about what they want, confident but not arrogant, and is not afraid to look like a dork or to say what they really think about things. People who say things just for pre-programmed social norms makes me want to choke them. People who do that are just weak and they have no balls...don't let other people's neurosis control you. Chat away mr. chatty guy! Confidence looks good on everybody babe.

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    Default Re: Is there a flaw in my thought process?

    Your sense of appropriateness has created a wall, but I don't think you realize exactly where. The issue is not in whether or not it would be appropriate to ask for their numbers, or you giving them yours; it has more to do with the fact that you don't have a strong enough 'in real life' presence with them. If you talk to people more online than in person, in my mind, that's a problem because the internet creates a wall. Most initial hangouts happen on an in-person impromptu level.

    YMMV, but I've found people will give out ample opportunities if you are able to recognize it.

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