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Thread: Supervision marriages

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    Default Supervision marriages

    Seem to see these more often lately.

    What're your experiences with this, if you have any? I read somewhere that relations of benefit were second most popular to dual, but then I heard mirror and currently I see supervision romances lasting a while too.

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    I have a supervision marriage. 13 years now and going strong. I am the supervisor (I recently told him that and he laughed--he thinks this personality stuff is funny. He thinks he should be the supervisor, LOL). Anyway, so let's see...I'm INFp and he's ESFj. Some of these roles we have in the marriage and the things that I do to make the relationship work might not really be my strengths and vice versa. I'm having trouble thinking about where to start. What would you like to know?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Default Re: Supervision marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    Seem to see these more often lately.

    What're your experiences with this, if you have any? I read somewhere that relations of benefit were second most popular to dual, but then I heard mirror and currently I see supervision romances lasting a while too.
    My parents have a benefit relationship--they just celebrated 38 years of marriage. And another good friend of mine just celebrated 20 years and theirs is benefit also.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    whew i can't imagine being married to my supervisee. boring for sure.

    and not my supervisor either. like i want my polr on the table every second? not that it might not work for others, but for me, no way. :-\

    benefit is OK. i've been the benefactor but never the beneficiary. i think i'd like benefactor better; enfj's are sooo fun!

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron
    . I am the supervisor (I recently told him that and he laughed--he thinks this personality stuff is funny. He thinks he should be the supervisor, LOL).
    I probably know why thinks he's the supervisor. Because he's more the teacher and you are more the student. But a student which can perform things that her teacher can't...

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    to get back to the subject.

    i know a couple that's in a supervision relationship. It works pretty well. The supervisee doesn't complain. I don't know the supervisor personally.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno
    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron
    . I am the supervisor (I recently told him that and he laughed--he thinks this personality stuff is funny. He thinks he should be the supervisor, LOL).
    I probably know why thinks he's the supervisor. Because he's more the teacher and you are more the student. But a student which can perform things that her teacher can't...
    Exactly.....

    He's always trying to teach me stuff like how to organize the house. ha ha ha But I am always telling him to relax and take it easy. It's pretty funny actually. We laugh at ourselves. He has told me that he feels like I'm in control of the relationship. And he's probably right. Doesn't seem like he minds too much though.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno
    to get back to the subject.

    i know a couple that's in a supervision relationship. It works pretty well. The supervisee doesn't complain. I don't know the supervisor personally.
    My husband doesn't complain either. But I hold the cards. he he
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Default Re: Supervision marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    Seem to see these more often lately.

    What're your experiences with this, if you have any? I read somewhere that relations of benefit were second most popular to dual, but then I heard mirror and currently I see supervision romances lasting a while too.
    Seems like most of my friends are in supervision relations, heh. It is quite peaceful but the supervisee is put down in public every now and then.

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    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    whew i can't imagine being married to my supervisee. boring for sure.

    and not my supervisor either. like i want my polr on the table every second? not that it might not work for others, but for me, no way. :-\

    benefit is OK. i've been the benefactor but never the beneficiary. i think i'd like benefactor better; enfj's are sooo fun!
    Boring....hmmmm....I guess I don't think that life with him is boring because he brings a lot into my life that otherwise wouldn't be there. If that makes sense. He's not the most fascinating person I know but I let that one get away a long time ago (he was ISTp), I knew he wouldn't stick around anyway....

    Here's a question for everyone (if I may): How would you order these relations for a long-term romantic relationship:

    benefit
    supervisor
    look-a-like

    Which is best, which is worst, in your opinion/experience? (I know we had a relations ratings before but focusing on only these three)
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I've been with Daniel since 1998 and we're happy. We have many differing opinions, but we don't try to change the other's pov to suit our needs. Like all relationships we have our problems, but we always manage to work things out. Most people can't believe we're a couple and most people don't think we get along, but that's just the way we are.
    All Hail The Flying Spaghetti Monster

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    I love the ENTjs I've met so far, and wouldn't trade my friend's soul wrenching thoughts on love and friendship -- to think there is such a sensitive soul beneath the surface -- and loyalty to friends for an ESTp. Advisors I turn to for help, mentors who know more about life, realists I rely on for reality checks.

    It's also good that I don't feel good enough for them, since it encourages self-improvement. Except I feel like wiping the smug smile off that INFj girl's face whenever I see her being all close with my ex-friend... Reminds me of all that I can't do for her
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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    Quite common IME. Easy to get into, and generally bad in the long run.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron
    I have a supervision marriage. 13 years now and going strong. I am the supervisor (I recently told him that and he laughed--he thinks this personality stuff is funny. He thinks he should be the supervisor, LOL). Anyway, so let's see...I'm INFp and he's ESFj. Some of these roles we have in the marriage and the things that I do to make the relationship work might not really be my strengths and vice versa. I'm having trouble thinking about where to start. What would you like to know?
    is your husband fe or si subtype?

    congrats to your parents !

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    I'm the product of a bitter divorce between an ENTj-Te and an INFp-Fe. They absolutely hated each other for 90% of their marriage; throughout my childhood they did nothing but fight.
    Though Socionics claims supervision relationships are equal, I sometimes think that supervision couples who share Thinking or Feeling preferences have a much easier time together than couples with opposing T and F preferences. At least this is my experience.
    INFp, Intuitive subtype, Enneagram 6w5
    Back in school and on semi-permanent hiatus from the forum

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    Quote Originally Posted by uninspired
    I'm the product of a bitter divorce between an ENTj-Te and an INFp-Fe. They absolutely hated each other for 90% of their marriage; throughout my childhood they did nothing but fight.
    Do you know why they got married in the first place?
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    The supervision I have observed the closest - in two examples - is f ESFj - m ISTp.

    The first one lasted 10 years until the ISTp left, although he kept sort of undecided whether he should have, often calling her but not really wanting to come back, to her confusion. In that case, it was mainly the EJ-IP temperament and, I think, that she was a very EJ ESFj-Fe (so always wanting to do something) and he was a very Si, very IP, ISTp-Si. He just couldn't take the "pressure".

    The second one has lasted so far for some 7 years. In this one, I think they accept each other's "faults". What the ISTp guy complains most is how much money she spends on clothes (he's the only breadwinner at the moment) and how they always end up paying for overweight luggage when traveling. The ISTp has the sort of Fe PoLR that Kristiina once called "flickering", that is, he shifts from having the stereotypical ISTp personality to a very jokey one, only his jokes are often not really appropriate for the context, and he often tries to get her to laugh when it's clear that she's not in the mood for that (even I can see that).
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Well, all my longer term girlfriends have been ISFjs so far.
    What I've seen is that I can't get an INFp to be loyal after the first 2 months of the relationship.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron
    Here's a question for everyone (if I may): How would you order these relations for a long-term romantic relationship:

    benefit
    supervisor
    look-a-like

    Which is best, which is worst, in your opinion/experience? (I know we had a relations ratings before but focusing on only these three)
    My present opinion is that each relationship is different depending on the types (not even mentioning individuals, where this point is self-evident).

    For instance, I think ENTp-ESTp and ISFj-INFj look-alike can work better than ENTj-ENFj look-alike, and ESTp-INTj supervision (if the man is the ESTp) can work rather well, the same going for ESFp-INFj, but not ISFj-ESTp or INFj-ENTp supervision.

    Benefit is even more complicated.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Do you know why they got married in the first place?
    No idea, haha. They never wanted to talk about it because it was such a painful subject for both of them.
    INFp, Intuitive subtype, Enneagram 6w5
    Back in school and on semi-permanent hiatus from the forum

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron
    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    whew i can't imagine being married to my supervisee. boring for sure.

    and not my supervisor either. like i want my polr on the table every second? not that it might not work for others, but for me, no way. :-\

    benefit is OK. i've been the benefactor but never the beneficiary. i think i'd like benefactor better; enfj's are sooo fun!
    Boring....hmmmm....I guess I don't think that life with him is boring because he brings a lot into my life that otherwise wouldn't be there. If that makes sense. He's not the most fascinating person I know but I let that one get away a long time ago (he was ISTp), I knew he wouldn't stick around anyway....

    Here's a question for everyone (if I may): How would you order these relations for a long-term romantic relationship:

    benefit
    supervisor
    look-a-like

    Which is best, which is worst, in your opinion/experience? (I know we had a relations ratings before but focusing on only these three)
    didn't mean to make it sound as if i disapproved of all supervision-marriages; i just think entp-infj or entp-istj would not be good relations for a marriage. guess i didn't communicate that very well.

    but to answer your question, benefit first. i don't think i would even get into a supervision-marriage so this would have to come last. i was in a 15 year long marriage to my lookalike. we could have saved the marriage in my opinion, but he didn't want to, due to having an affair with his dual. but i still would have to say lookalike comes second because my relationship with him did last a fair amount of time and we did achieve a lot together; in fact, i believe we achieved a lot together because we were good "co-workers". but it was not a good enough relation to sustain intimacy.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Default Another supervisory marriage

    I realized recently that my aunt and uncle have a supervisory marriage. They've been together for 30 some odd years now. My uncle is ISFp and my aunt is ENFj. So he supervises her. They have definitely had their share of fights over the years but they are pretty happy. On the surface, she appears to have more power in the relationship than he does. But that's mostly because he's quiet and she has a sharp tongue. I think the truth is that on certain issues, he just ignores her and does his own thing. It's interesting though to see how he's fully embraced the caregiver role now that they're retired. He unloads the dishwasher, does all the grocery shopping, that sort of thing. And they're both enjoying it!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Si dominants sure do know how to make compliments, so I imagine she feels very pretty. Does she take extra good care of her appearance?
    EIE, ENFj, intuitive subtype.
    E3 (probably 3w4)

    Cool ILI hubbys are better than LSIs any time!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina
    Si dominants sure do know how to make compliments, so I imagine she feels very pretty. Does she take extra good care of her appearance?
    She generally does very well in that area. But lately she's been unhappy with her weight so she hasn't been buying any new clothes. But she has always been the best-dressed one of the family (she comes from a family of five kids), including in-laws.

    And I would say that SOME Si-dominants are good with compliments. I know one who's pretty stingy with them. LOL
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Must've been a long 30 years

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard
    Must've been a long 30 years
    LOL! My uncle's not stingy with the compliments, I was referring to someone else. But I do remember that the hardest times in my aunt and uncle's marriage were when the kids were little. And I can relate to that. Having young kids and a demanding job can be the most stressful years. They are for us also. Stress isn't type-related I know. But I think that when there are personality clashes, they become most prominent under stress.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron
    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard
    Must've been a long 30 years
    LOL! My uncle's not stingy with the compliments, I was referring to someone else. But I do remember that the hardest times in my aunt and uncle's marriage were when the kids were little. And I can relate to that. Having young kids and a demanding job can be the most stressful years. They are for us also. Stress isn't type-related I know. But I think that when there are personality clashes, they become most prominent under stress.
    Most research shows that happiness indicators are slightly V-shaped (with age on the x axis). Since I got to know this information, I'm doing my best to avoid being caught in the same problems
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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