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Thread: Real life experienced with Beta INFp-ESTp and ISTj-ENFj Dualities

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Default Real life experienced with Beta INFp-ESTp and ISTj-ENFj Dualities

    Write about your experiences of real life duality, if you have experienced it.

    So, if anyone remembers my old threads (possibly a few people), they'd remember I used to pine about this one ESTp guy that was my first boyfriend (I was his first girlfriend too.. ah, good old elementary school LOL) ... We had a very long history ... being quite close and all even in high school, but never liking eachother at the same time. I basically lost my chance with him when I chose someone else over him in but finally, in his last yr (Gr 12) ... I told him face to face how I felt and how long I've liked him and guess what? Duality in action now! We're going out, and it basically feels like no time has passed.

    We've drifted for a while this year, but man, let me tell you, Duality is amazing. At first, of course I was shy because we haven't spoken so deeply in quite some time, but after like an hour together, I began to let myself go and say whatever was on my mind. Conversation flows very easily, but I don't always feel the need to be talking. He carries on talking and responds in seemingly just the right way. It is extremely comforting and I feel a warm sense of protection when he is physically present. There is no awkwardness like my other relationships. Physical or mental. I miss him when he's not around.

    More description of ESTp-INFp duality..

    The ESTp tends to talk and talk about whatever is going on around them, etc. and is endlessly entertaining. The INFp (well, me at least), tends to respond accordingly but isn't pressured to be too outgoing and stuff especially in group settings. It is more like a peacemaker, someone to calm the ESTp down and provide warm security?

    The INFp enjoys the loud brashness of the ESTp cause nothing is left to really wonder or question.. it's very secure, and kinda like Okay, this is definitely what's going to happen ... *sense of calm* When INFps can't decide anything, the ESTp takes control and says, okay, Do it now! And the INFp does it. =] The INFp usually agrees to whatever suggestions the ESTp has, especially crazy whacked out shit.

    Basically, it's fun.

    Now I wanna hear about your Duality stories, especially that of ISTj-ENFj ... I've never actually witnessed that.


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
    Johari
    Nohari

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    Suomea's Avatar
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    Well my mom's an ISTj and my dad's new wife is an ENFj. When they get together it's smooth sailing.... or possibly filled with tons of evil glances and death threats.

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    Darkstar's Avatar
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    Without going in to details it is a lazy relationship where you really never have to make any effort to be understood. It will be too happy and you will lose yeer sharpness in the world!

    It's like drugs, or sleeping in when you know you should be doing something else. Tempting to fall in to the pink fluffy relationship or stay real and resisting going soft!

    If you spend x hours with your dual, then to keep balance you should keep a relationship without conflict with your conflict type for x hours. And that's it!


    *trying to look chinese*

    "To reach enlightment one should understand and function peacefully alongside your conflict type" - Chinese proverb

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    Darkstar's Avatar
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    How come?

    edit; what ever you will respond I make a pre-response

    What I find depressing is....auuhhhhhhhh ZzzzzZZZ I was going to make a response before going to bed but sleeping is more important then giving you an explanation :wink:


    I'll make one tomorrow instead

    Cheers!

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    An ENFj acquaintence confides in me her troubles and worries and what she wants from the future, even though I don't know her too well. All i have to do, is simply respond by doing what I do best, 'giving her the facts', to quell her fears. Where the ENFj sees 'what could be' the ISTj sees 'what is', and gives something to the other which the other does not have.

    She can 'paint pictures' with words and complements me by using analogies, giving me a warm feeling inside that makes me feel special. I really do appreciate this quality. The other day we were at a conference and she was sitting behind one of the speakers and the ENFj brushed something off the jacket the speaker was wearing (presumably some fluff of some kind). I could see how this would bother some people, but I would appreciate it.
    ISTj.

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    le petit prince raisonpure's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darkstar
    Without going in to details it is a lazy relationship where you really never have to make any effort to be understood. It will be too happy and you will lose yeer sharpness in the world!

    It's like drugs, or sleeping in when you know you should be doing something else. Tempting to fall in to the pink fluffy relationship or stay real and resisting going soft!

    If you spend x hours with your dual, then to keep balance you should keep a relationship without conflict with your conflict type for x hours. And that's it!


    *trying to look chinese*

    "To reach enlightment one should understand and function peacefully alongside your conflict type" - Chinese proverb
    Well said, though being with my supervisor has proved to be much more effective, rewarding, and conflict-free than being with my conflictor. At least, I can communicate with ENTjs, learn much from them, and feel comfortable with them... So much that it can pass for duality I also became the most obliging labourer for my ENTj friend -- who could activate me -- whereas staying with my ESTj teacher for too long just makes me feel guilty, drained, and more needy for some recharging from my dual.
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Oh man, 7 hours with my Dual today <3 Was the most freakin' comfortable shit I've ever experienced. Perfection, really. We don't have to do anything to just be ourselves.

    For the longest time, I've doubted Duality.. never again.


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
    Johari
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    Darkstar's Avatar
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    What did you guys do, ScarlettLux?

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Absolutely nothing, really.. well.. We were at his house the whole day.. lol, skipped school. Last day, who cares. We talked non stop about the most random shit and just connected.. you know.. agh.. there's just no barrier for some reason as I used to feel in my other relationships. It's been so long since we've talked (before this whole incident of admitting our feelings to eacother) and yet we are still exactly the same! Nothing changed! =] Laid on the couch a lot lazily, watching movies, playing guitar hero.. eating yummy food he cooked, taking a couple shots LOL .. making out quite a bit ... It's true when they say you can poke at dog shit with your Dual and still feel like it's the most funny thing you've ever done.

    It's funny how fast the "comfort" feeling comes along. I know I sound annoying and like I'm raving about it too much, but dear God, it's just *that* good. The brain to mouth filter kinda disappears.


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
    Johari
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    Waw

    What's that thing up in the clouds?! is it an airplane? is it a bird? No! It is ScarlettLux!

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darkstar
    Waw

    What's that thing up in the clouds?! is it an airplane? is it a bird? No! It is ScarlettLux!
    Lmao, too true.


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
    Johari
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    UDP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Oh man, 7 hours with my Dual today <3 Was the most freakin' comfortable shit I've ever experienced. Perfection, really. We don't have to do anything to just be ourselves.

    For the longest time, I've doubted Duality.. never again.
    We will see what you think a few months from now.
    (Good luck with the relationship)
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    le petit prince raisonpure's Avatar
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    Nice to know you finally made up with him. I am happy for you. This makes me feel like calling up my ESFj friend, asking her when my mini-dual will return -- she is going to get jealous at that -- and make plans to kidnap him to an exotic place. :wink:

    As to my first experience of duality: I never suspected my friend's cousin of being my dual. I didn't even suspect him of being ESTp, since he was too young to be typed, or so I thought. There was nothing special to him except for the way he stood out in photo albums with his sexy poses, which he is a natural at making. The duality effect didn't kick in until 6-9 months after our initial meeting.

    Contrary to the aggressor-victim theory, I was the one who took the first initiative. He was constructing a Gundam model, and I helped him rearrange the swords, guns, and pose to improve the impression that it made. We worked on it together for at least an hour, during which my ESFj friend would remark on how fabulously we got along. When we were finished, I took a photo of the finished result, and we shook hands to commemorate the (remarkably easy) beginning of our friendship. I used to visit my friend on Saturdays, and he'd occasionally tag along with me and my friend while we went out to buy food and drinks. Once, he suggested that I throw pudding into the bowl of shaved ice that I was eating. Bored and curious as to the taste, I took up the suggestion without a moment's pause. It was disgusting, but I persisted to the end. Shaved ice + pudding wasn't the only unusual combination that he challenged me to try out, either. I think he (almost?) added soda just to spice up the concoction. He was very amused by my willingness to try out new tastes, if I remember correctly. Other times he would invite me to watch him demonstrate his proficiency with fighting games on the computer or the PSP. Nothing special, really.

    I don't have a habit of complimenting people (IRL), but words of praise come out very easily when it came to him. When my friend asked me for my opinion of him, I would easy admit stuff like "yeah, he's totally cool" in front of him. Perhaps my open affection for him encouraged him to approach me more. At the end of the summer holidays, he left the country to resume his studies. While he's away, I'd make my friend jealous(?) by asking "when is he coming back?" every once in a while, greeting him very enthusiastically whenever he came back to celebrate a holiday. My friend tends to ask "how come you always tease me, yet praise him up and down incessantly?"

    He used to be the one who seemed rather dependent on me, following me more than I did him. I wasn't motivated to follow him, since he was either "there" or "not there", no big deal. But things changed when he came back months later to celebrate the New Year, looking sexier with a new haircut. He was to leave the next morning, so I tried to be with him for as long as possible. While I parted with him to wait for his father's arrival with my friend, I couldn't help wishing that I was with him instead. Even though I hadn't experienced duality at this point, he was good company to have in idle hours. While we were shopping at the department store, he followed me around and asked me to translate the cheats for Age of Empires III. I began to feel a strange feeling of comfort and bliss which intensified as I spent more time walking next to him. It impelled me to follow him and sit close to him in the attempt to close the distance between us, especially since "accidentally" bumping into him or just brushing his knees produced a tingling sensation. I kept on smiling out of giddiness. The limited time I had with him felt like a dream; he was like a harbour from a wearying reality. Duality was as mystical as they describe -- it was a novel experience which helped me confirm that ESTjs are not my duals at all. Though I feel like a pervert for wanting to scoop him up, give him a hug, tell him to grow up faster, and propose to him.
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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    i also think it's quite nice to have an old friend back.

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raisonpure
    Nice to know you finally made up with him. I am happy for you. This makes me feel like calling up my ESFj friend, asking her when my mini-dual will return -- she is going to get jealous at that -- and make plans to kidnap him to an exotic place. :wink:

    As to my first experience of duality: I never suspected my friend's cousin of being my dual. I didn't even suspect him of being ESTp, since he was too young to be typed, or so I thought. There was nothing special to him except for the way he stood out in photo albums with his sexy poses, which he is a natural at making. The duality effect didn't kick in until 6-9 months after our initial meeting.

    Contrary to the aggressor-victim theory, I was the one who took the first initiative. He was constructing a Gundam model, and I helped him rearrange the swords, guns, and pose to improve the impression that it made. We worked on it together for at least an hour, during which my ESFj friend would remark on how fabulously we got along. When we were finished, I took a photo of the finished result, and we shook hands to commemorate the (remarkably easy) beginning of our friendship. I used to visit my friend on Saturdays, and he'd occasionally tag along with me and my friend while we went out to buy food and drinks. Once, he suggested that I throw pudding into the bowl of shaved ice that I was eating. Bored and curious as to the taste, I took up the suggestion without a moment's pause. It was disgusting, but I persisted to the end. Shaved ice + pudding wasn't the only unusual combination that he challenged me to try out, either. I think he (almost?) added soda just to spice up the concoction. He was very amused by my willingness to try out new tastes, if I remember correctly. Other times he would invite me to watch him demonstrate his proficiency with fighting games on the computer or the PSP. Nothing special, really.

    I don't have a habit of complimenting people (IRL), but words of praise come out very easily when it came to him. When my friend asked me for my opinion of him, I would easy admit stuff like "yeah, he's totally cool" in front of him. Perhaps my open affection for him encouraged him to approach me more. At the end of the summer holidays, he left the country to resume his studies. While he's away, I'd make my friend jealous(?) by asking "when is he coming back?" every once in a while, greeting him very enthusiastically whenever he came back to celebrate a holiday. My friend tends to ask "how come you always tease me, yet praise him up and down incessantly?"

    He used to be the one who seemed rather dependent on me, following me more than I did him. I wasn't motivated to follow him, since he was either "there" or "not there", no big deal. But things changed when he came back months later to celebrate the New Year, looking sexier with a new haircut. He was to leave the next morning, so I tried to be with him for as long as possible. While I parted with him to wait for his father's arrival with my friend, I couldn't help wishing that I was with him instead. Even though I hadn't experienced duality at this point, he was good company to have in idle hours. While we were shopping at the department store, he followed me around and asked me to translate the cheats for Age of Empires III. I began to feel a strange feeling of comfort and bliss which intensified as I spent more time walking next to him. It impelled me to follow him and sit close to him in the attempt to close the distance between us, especially since "accidentally" bumping into him or just brushing his knees produced a tingling sensation. I kept on smiling out of giddiness. The limited time I had with him felt like a dream; he was like a harbour from a wearying reality. Duality was as mystical as they describe -- it was a novel experience which helped me confirm that ESTjs are not my duals at all. Though I feel like a pervert for wanting to scoop him up, give him a hug, tell him to grow up faster, and propose to him.
    Yeah. That sounds so cute.. but yes, just *slightly* creepy, if I do remember that picture you posted of him, raisonpure! Lmao.. wait a few years, won't ya ? :wink:


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    Darkstar's Avatar
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    Hey, raisonpure!

    At first I was intimidated by the sheer mass of your post but when I finished reading you left me with a big smile and wanting to read more!

    If I wouldn't think better of you I would say you have a crush on this kid! And you are right, you should feel perverted!

    Beware of the sweet toxic drug of duality! *trying to look chinese again*

    /Darkstar

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    The brain to mouth filter kinda disappears.
    Exactly. And that's why what Darkstar says is basically wrong: once you go back to other kinds of relationships, the astounding difference in self-control needed will be so big that you'll end up being disappointed and frustrated and bored.

    The boredom factor of course depends also on how many interests the dual shares with you. There are ESTps that are lazy and INFps that are energetic, and the opposite. Of course an energetic estp is best paired with an energetic infp for example, otherwise boredom from one side, and fatigue from the other, will ensue.

    The only problem is that you can work with your dual but you have to do it this way: first of all each one decides which part of the project to do, and then each one carries it out alone; when partners have doubts, they double check with the other and usually find a solution. This is just because If you're romantically involved with somebody, of course you'll end up making love instead of working if you remain in the same room. Another good way not to make this happen is to work with a third party, preferably a mirror of one partner, and activity of the other.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Darkstar's Avatar
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    What have I now said?

    stupid darkstar!

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    ...prolly you were just joking and i didn't get it then :wink:
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    no no you are probably right, you seemed to have your head in the game and I don't know the context of the whole thread so well =)

    1. [The brain to mouth filter kinda disappears.]
    2. [What I said.]

    Where and how does 1 meet and fight 2 and win?

    I can not go around having false beliefs about something

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    Default Re: Real life Beta Duality

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    When INFps can't decide anything, the ESTp takes control and says, okay, Do it now! And the INFp does it. .
    I'm jealous of this part. I need this!!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    The brain to mouth filter kinda disappears.
    Exactly. And that's why what Darkstar says is basically wrong: once you go back to other kinds of relationships, the astounding difference in self-control needed will be so big that you'll end up being disappointed and frustrated and bored.

    The boredom factor of course depends also on how many interests the dual shares with you. There are ESTps that are lazy and INFps that are energetic, and the opposite. Of course an energetic estp is best paired with an energetic infp for example, otherwise boredom from one side, and fatigue from the other, will ensue.

    The only problem is that you can work with your dual but you have to do it this way: first of all each one decides which part of the project to do, and then each one carries it out alone; when partners have doubts, they double check with the other and usually find a solution. This is just because If you're romantically involved with somebody, of course you'll end up making love instead of working if you remain in the same room. Another good way not to make this happen is to work with a third party, preferably a mirror of one partner, and activity of the other.
    Hopefully my ESTp realizes this... I think he has though. I mean, it's kinda strange how we were eachothers' first bf/gf ... not knowing the Duality aspect of this. I told him about us being Duals lol, he thinks it's awesome.

    Sometimes though, I just think that a lot of the extroverts in Dual relations might not appreciate the Duality until after a while.. whereareas the Introvert is sooo pleased, very quickly? I could be wrong.. this is just rambling.

    Guess I should just be myself .. not overthink things. Are there any tips on making Duality work ???

    It sucks cause being away from them feels like you're missing a huge part of yourself.. nothing feels as harmoniously content as being with your Dual.


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    It sucks cause being away from them feels like you're missing a huge part of yourself.. nothing feels as harmoniously content as being with your Dual.
    That is partly what I am trying to talk about

    Viva la independance!

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Well, just a tiny update here: I have experienced the ESTp Fi PoLR.. I think it's cute =D LOL. Imagine how an ISFj or INFj would react though ... ! He has admitted to me how he feels like he is an "emotional cripple" sometimes and doesn't like to speak about inner feelings.. rather keeps a mental log of what happens to him and contemplates it personally instead of talking about it. However, he said he'd talk about it with me whenever I wanted =] I had to prod at him and stuff to get him to be more emotionally open and it made me very happy when he compared me to an ex of his - "psycho" - and said that they never did anything "meaningful" like we do.. aww He actually thinks us talking is meaningful and .. it just made me feel good inside that you know, I am one of those rare people he speaks to about his emotions.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Well, just a tiny update here: I have experienced the ESTp Fi PoLR.. I think it's cute =D LOL. Imagine how an ISFj or INFj would react though ... ! He has admitted to me how he feels like he is an "emotional cripple" sometimes and doesn't like to speak about inner feelings.. rather keeps a mental log of what happens to him and contemplates it personally instead of talking about it. However, he said he'd talk about it with me whenever I wanted =] I had to prod at him and stuff to get him to be more emotionally open and it made me very happy when he compared me to an ex of his - "psycho" - and said that they never did anything "meaningful" like we do.. aww He actually thinks us talking is meaningful and .. it just made me feel good inside that you know, I am one of those rare people he speaks to about his emotions.
    yeah that behavior is soooo estp. and you are indeed blessed to be the recipient of such privileged information....use it wisely. :-)

    congrats on the new relationships and dual at that, very exciting.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Darkstar's Avatar
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    ... and then you come here and tell us all about it


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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux

    Guess I should just be myself .. not overthink things.



    JK, i know what you mean.

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    Duality Blows
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Yeah, that is a woman thing. HaHaHa Ha... overthinking

    *high-fives ESTP*

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    I want to know who is my damn dual

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darkstar
    ... and then you come here and tell us all about it

    Okay, honestly. I'm about to explode. What the hell is your problem with me? You've been acting very passive-aggressive towards me and any of my posts.. great, you don't like what I'm writing, DON'T FUCKING REPLY all annoyingly and act shitty, you dumbfuck.


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
    Johari
    Nohari

  32. #32
    Darkstar's Avatar
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    Okay, honestly. I have no memory of ever making a conscious message to you. What the hell are you talking about? You strike down on me from my very blue clear sky. great, you don't like what I'm writing, DON'T FUCKING REPLY all annoyingly and act shitty, you dumbfuck.

  33. #33
    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darkstar
    Okay, honestly. I have no memory of ever making a conscious message to you. What the hell are you talking about? You strike down on me from my very blue clear sky. great, you don't like what I'm writing, DON'T FUCKING REPLY all annoyingly and act shitty, you dumbfuck.
    LOL


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
    Johari
    Nohari

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    Darkstar's Avatar
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    wtf?

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darkstar
    wtf?
    Do you know what it feels like for a girl!? DO YOU!?


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
    Johari
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Quote Originally Posted by Darkstar
    wtf?
    Do you know what it feels like for a girl!? DO YOU!?
    Madonna?? Is that you??
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

  37. #37
    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
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    My personal trainer right now is a female ESTp kickboxer. She is kicking my ass, she is. My ass delights in it.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    I want to see a pic of u Baby
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

  39. #39
    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
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    I'll post a pic at the end of summer when my scrawny ass is in shape.


    EDIT: Here are the old videos I posted for the video thread:
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=xfZp_eFuRi4
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=0e3N46RJSDs
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  40. #40
    le petit prince raisonpure's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    I want to know who is my damn dual
    I know how it feels...

    But would you be able to do anything even if you knew? These days I can spot grown-up versions of my dual from across the room, but circumstances keep me rooted to the spot while I can only admire from afar. The best stab I can take at duality is adding my mini-dual to Skype with the threat: "It's the (almighty) sis raison, I'll haunt you in your sleep if you don't add me!"



    Well, there may be one way to spot your duals without the duality effect -- which takes time to settle in. Even before I knew about socionics, people who permeated authority, success, wisdom, and had kind eyes would leave a lasting impression on me with a single look. People you go home thinking about for hours, wondering if you'll ever see them again. You'll feel intrigued and reluctant to part with them. After socionics, I notice that they tend to look like this:



    ESTps can sometimes be spotted because I can feel their presence from metres away. I'd say this "presence" has a lot to do with the control that Se types (naturally strive to) exert over the environment, and I can often feel myself included in their annoying constant surveillance very acutely... It's damned hard to relax when I can feel the eyes of ISFjs on me, too:
    Quote Originally Posted by Herzy
    I have observed Bertha over time, and I am pretty sure that he is a logical subtype ESTp. With Bertha, it's like a battle of the darting, scanning eyes. We're both the same way. He has a fair amount of friends, but he can be rather quiet at times. When he's being quiet, he's usually scanning the surroundings in whatever room he's in. Beause we're both always scanning around with the dominant , we tend to catch eyes often. Even though Bertha is strawberry blond with light blue eyes, he still can have a rather intense presence. I catch eyes with him, and it's like "Pow." . Zomg, intense.
    An ENFj I know often asks me to stop staring at him because he can feel me staring even with his back turned on me. Another result of being able to feel when people are looking at me or have their aim locked onto me -- is that I feel hunted like a "prey" every once in a while. If you relate to what I say about being able to feel people's movement -- or getting goosebumps when you visit certain "unclean" places because you can feel the abundance/absence of spirits/energy in the atmosphere -- then you should look out for people who have this sort of power over you. I mean, resist the temptation to run away from them and their control.
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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