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Thread: consistently instable vs inconsistently stable friends

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    misutii's Avatar
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    Default consistently instable vs. inconsistently stable friends

    I'm not sure how this will apply to you but hear me out.

    I've found that people approach relations generally in one of two ways.

    Consistently Instable: These types of people appear instable (maybe wrong word) in the sense that they're quite predictably unpredictable and so relations with them take longer to establish. They prefer to make friends slowly, don't like being relied on by others, change plans last minute, hardly ever plan things ahead of time. Despite these characteristics these people non-the-less care about the friendships they already have and even if they only see a friend once a week they're comfortable with that and are able to keep their friends for a long time. They rarely get into heated arguments with their friends as they prefer to keep melodrama out of their personal lives. (I'm definitely this one, I'm instable in the short term but because I'm consistently instable it gives my personality stablity in the long-term in a weird kind of way, also most my friends would be in this category as well)

    Inconsistently Stable: These types of people appear stable, in the short-term at least. They're the kind of people that make friends and then hang out with the same friends every day. They like being relied on and like to rely on others, like to make plans with others (i.e. going on vacation together). Despite the apparent stability, however, familiarity often breeds contempt and these individuals are thus prone to eventually getting into conflict in their relations. They "break-up" with friends/partners badly and suddenly, in such situations drama insues (i.e. they will refuse to talk to each other for months and months after having a heated argument). After 'breaking-up' with friends they are seem to quickly find others to fill their social void and thus their new relations exhibit the same intensity. Because they become so reliant on a few individuals in such a short span of time their personalities are in the long-term seemingly more instable, as they may completely change who they are due to the influence of others.
    (These are the kinds of people that appear to 'disappear' for example, when they get into a relationship)

    -------------

    Hopefully those descriptions made sense, I'm not sure this has anything to do with type. I was inspired to write about this by the thread on "drama". Inconsistently stable people are definitely more prone to melodrama so to speak, I notice that certain people almost seem to crave this "drama" in their relations. Personally I find it repulsive, I'm uncomfortable with getting to know someone too quickly and notice that I prefer to keep my relations to others separate (I hang out with my friends on an individual basis rather than with all of them together in a group)

    And of course some people can do a little of both, however in relations with other individuals even someone that can do both will tend more towards one than the other. Anyways I'm curious to hear others input, wondering if this can be type-a-fied
    INFp-Ni

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    The descriptions make perfect sense, though I am not yet convinced that every person fits into one of those two alternatives. Like you I am definitely Consistently Instable according to your descriptions.

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    Is this the difference between IP and EP or something? Maybe something along those lines, anyway.
    INTP/ILI(Ni) /5w4

    "When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done.
    Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed."

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    misutii's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KSpin
    Is this the difference between IP and EP or something? Maybe something along those lines, anyway.
    I don't think so.

    Like I know one ESTp that fits one of the descriptions and another who fits the other. Also my ENTp friend is consistently instable like me. I also know an ISFp that fits the Inconsistently stable one.
    INFp-Ni

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    Quote Originally Posted by misutii
    Quote Originally Posted by KSpin
    Is this the difference between IP and EP or something? Maybe something along those lines, anyway.
    I don't think so.

    Like I know one ESTp that fits one of the descriptions and another who fits the other. Also my ENTp friend is consistently instable like me. I also know an ISFp that fits the Inconsistently stable one.
    I'm going to assume you haven't typed both ESTps correctly, and say that it could be an xNxp (Consistantly unstable) xSxp (Inconsistantly stable) thing.
    INTP/ILI(Ni) /5w4

    "When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done.
    Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed."

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    force my hand's Avatar
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    Default Re: consistently instable vs. inconsistently stable friends

    I really like that CS description, not just because it's the most favourable of the two, but it's pretty accurate as to how I interact with others. I'm very friendly, talkative and caring, but I have no long-term bonds and go out of my way to avoid making them. The worst part is attracting a 'sticky' person, because it turns out that while you don't want so much contact, you actually care about their feelings, and can't think of an ideal way to get rid of them.

    Don't be a sticky person.

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    I fit under the consistently instable.....though i feel a need to make it clear that it appears that i make friends with a person super fast, or at least faster than they are used to. but everything else about it fits.

    I have difficulties maintaining friendships with people of the second kind. (that is a polite way of saying they tend to drive me nuts)

    My daughter, ESFp, is leaning towards the second kind, making a new friend and then playing with them almost exclusively, and getting upset and feeling hurt or put out if they can't play one day. This, however, may be a kid thing, I dunno.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    I've got a bit of both, I think.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    I've got a bit of both, I think.
    me too (but more #1 than #2)

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    Just looking at the descriptions, not at the people who identified with them (so I am not making any suggestion as to their types), I would have thought that the first one applies to IP temperament, and the second one to Fi EP, or most typically ESFp.

    I identify with neither.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    I'm totally the second one. But some things are different. I rarely if ever fight for for an extended period of time. Eventually, somebody will make up. Also, If I'm friends with somebody, then we should enjoy being together. You make it sound as if the second one randomly picks somebody to be friends with, just to fill a void, but it's not like that. But I am reliant on a few Individuals, and I dislike not seeing them for any extended amounts of time, because it just won't be the same when we meet again. If I'm with them through the changes and stuff, then I'll know what's changing and won't be like confronted by a whole new person. Time changes people, and if I don't see them for a period, them I might be looking a whole new person next time I do see..

    Oh yeah, and to me, if you're the first, then you're more of an aquantaince to me, than a friend. It's just not the same.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThePeddler
    I'm totally the second one. But some things are different. I rarely if ever fight for for an extended period of time. Eventually, somebody will make up. Also, If I'm friends with somebody, then we should enjoy being together. You make it sound as if the second one randomly picks somebody to be friends with, just to fill a void, but it's not like that. But I am reliant on a few Individuals, and I dislike not seeing them for any extended amounts of time, because it just won't be the same when we meet again. If I'm with them through the changes and stuff, then I'll know what's changing and won't be like confronted by a whole new person. Time changes people, and if I don't see them for a period, them I might be looking a whole new person next time I do see..

    Oh yeah, and to me, if you're the first, then you're more of an aquantaince to me, than a friend. It's just not the same.
    sorry I admit my descriptions are biased, you have to understand that as I belong to the first one (so I understand it) my description of the second is based solely on observation (I don't really understand it)
    INFp-Ni

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    Default Re: consistently instable vs. inconsistently stable friends

    Quote Originally Posted by misutii
    I was inspired to write about this by the thread on "drama".
    Which one is that?
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    I've got a bit of both, I think.
    me too (but more #1 than #2)
    me three. :wink:

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Totally the first. Consistently instable (unstable?)
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Landlord of the Dog and Duck Subteigh's Avatar
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    The other two groupings missing are 'Consistently Stable' and 'Inconsistently Unstable' - it hurts my head to think what they would mean .

    'Consistently Unstable' - has many moods in a short period of time, long-term stability uncommon - they may not appear to have an overarching philosophy of the universe etc. - they go where their mood dictates them. They may get into fights with their friends on one day, but their friends know they will maintain friends in the long-term.

    'Inconsistenly Stable' - is able to cope fairly well at a daily level, and in medium to long term things, but is prone to the occasional collapse in both spheres - they might suddenly ditch a friend for no reason, and not look back - by the next day, they have probably forgotten about the 'friend' altogether.

    'Consistently Stable' - has long-term moods, little fluctuations - holds on to things + familiar ways of doing things. Friendships only end due to a friend commiting a cataclysmic moral failure from their POV, or because the friends has changed rapidly + unexpectedly.

    'Inconsistently Unstable' - fluctuates between having short-term stormy periods and long-term moods - some people operate (or appear to) two distinct spheres in two different ways - e.g. they have a long term moral code, which isn't prone to change, and yet they may appear inconsistent when following this on a daily basis.
    EII-Ne
    5w4 or 1w9 Sp/So

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    I'm probably one of those boring farts:

    'Consistently Stable' - has long-term moods, little fluctuations - holds on to things + familiar ways of doing things. Friendships only end due to a friend commiting a cataclysmic moral failure from their POV, or because the friends has changed rapidly + unexpectedly.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Default Re: consistently instable vs. inconsistently stable friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by misutii
    I was inspired to write about this by the thread on "drama".
    Which one is that?
    this one: http://the16types.info/forums/viewto...ighlight=drama
    INFp-Ni

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    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    I've got a bit of both, I think.
    me too (but more #1 than #2)
    me three. :wink:
    +4.

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