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Thread: Advice about my mom

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    Creepy-female

    Default Advice about my mom

    -poof-
    Last edited by female; 02-17-2008 at 02:37 AM.

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    It sounds more like personal management problems than type issues. She just needs to be more mature about things. Call her out on that actually, see what happens.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    What type are you? It might be less to do with her being INFj and something to do with whatever particular relationship (in Socionics terms) you have.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    If an INFj is being that emotionally expressive and openly angry, that is exactly not a good sign....

    You sure she is not ISTj or ISFj?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III
    If an INFj is being that emotionally expressive and openly angry, that is exactly not a good sign....

    You sure she is not ISTj or ISFj?
    She sounds INFj to me. She's not ISTj or ISFj.
    ISTj.

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    You need to raise your mom's self-esteem more and let her know she's really appreciated, but in a kind of umm practical way. Sounds like she's an unhealthy INFj I think you got her right the first time. Remember INFjs are harsh to criticisms, and what you said felt like a personal attack TO HER even if you didn't mean that. Do not think she's just being over-sensitive though, that is way too simplistic. It's simply her functions and how she acts. You have to show her what she's doing wrong with lots of mixed with . Be logical about it in a calm, comforting way like a caring yet worldly psychologist. You saying 'but I like the roses' clashes with her because it simply sounds so Beta-ish. You are an INFp I know but just lay off the a bit. She doesn't know how to process that too well.

    I don't think she's ISFj either. Also socioniocs.com sucks IMO, don't listen to a lot of the crap on there.

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    This can be an interesting experiment. Try to do what I suggested and see what the results were. Remember, tell her how she's being illogical NOT HOW she was being 'too sensitive' or 'taking things too harshly.' That is just gonna create a greater psychological distance. Think not over and over again in your head, but don't forget the either.

    If anything we can try to find more about her type, it's mundane stuff about life that can really help us out I think.

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    Quote Originally Posted by introspectivedolphin
    So you guys are suggesting that I use more and and back off on the . Would you mind giving me some examples? It seems to me like it would take some concious effort to use these functions, since they are my POLR and role function, respectively.
    I don't know if I would agree or disagree with the advice being given, but this caught my eye and I want to play with it a little.

    Maybe try saying what you would say minus the emotion? For example, a Fe-laden, "You're too sensitive!" focuses less on a logical assessment of the present circumstances, and more on a subjective, value judgement.

    Dead-pan, "You're. Too. Sensitive," aloud. It almost completely eliminates the power and effect of the previous version. But realistically, who would say that kind of a statement in such a way? No one, of course - but I think it highlights the essence of a statement. You just need to switch over the specific language itself to whatever situation is at hand.

    Or maybe nothing in here fits. Whatever works.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves
    This can be an interesting experiment. Try to do what I suggested and see what the results were. Remember, tell her how she's being illogical NOT HOW she was being 'too sensitive' or 'taking things too harshly.' That is just gonna create a greater psychological distance. Think not over and over again in your head, but don't forget the either.

    If anything we can try to find more about her type, it's mundane stuff about life that can really help us out I think.
    Oh yeah!!! They cannot handle at all. 4 years ago I was walking past a friend's house and saw his mum in the garden. I smiled and said "Hello how are you, just going for a jog" And she smiled back at me but didn't say a word. Not one word!! It was so akward. I mean when you ask someone "how are you", you would expect at the very least a simple "good thanks, how are you" - but not a peep out of this cold INFj.

    I ended up by saying sheepishly "See you later" and kept walking. At the time I thought she just had social anxiety problems or something like that. Now I realise she was just an INFj.
    ISTj.

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    but smiling is a response... just not a verbal one.
    EII

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    there is plenty wrong with me
    but I fixed up a few old buildings
    and I've planted a few trees.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rockclimber
    but smiling is a response... just not a verbal one.
    You're right it is a response, but it's not a proper response. Social norms prescribe a verbal response in that situation.
    ISTj.

  12. #12
    Creepy-bg

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    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    Quote Originally Posted by rockclimber
    but smiling is a response... just not a verbal one.
    You're right it is a response, but it's not a proper response. Social norms prescribe a verbal response in that situation.
    bullshit... a smile is just as proper a response as anything else, social norms be damned.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    Quote Originally Posted by rockclimber
    but smiling is a response... just not a verbal one.
    You're right it is a response, but it's not a proper response. Social norms prescribe a verbal response in that situation.
    bullshit... a smile is just as proper a response as anything else, social norms be damned.
    You beat me to it. That's similar to what I wanted to say.
    INTp
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    Quote Originally Posted by rockclimber
    but smiling is a response... just not a verbal one.
    You're right it is a response, but it's not a proper response. Social norms prescribe a verbal response in that situation.
    bullshit... a smile is just as proper a response as anything else, social norms be damned.
    You beat me to it. That's similar to what I wanted to say.
    That's something my ENFp sister would say... but if you live in a society you're bound by social norms, otherwise... you're nowhere.
    ISTj.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    That's something my ENFp sister would say... but if you live in a society you're bound by social norms, otherwise... you're nowhere.
    Aww. You are an ISTj aren't you!

    I just naturally want to comment on this but i wont
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

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    Quote Originally Posted by he died with a felafel
    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    Quote Originally Posted by rockclimber
    but smiling is a response... just not a verbal one.
    You're right it is a response, but it's not a proper response. Social norms prescribe a verbal response in that situation.
    not necessarily, it might just mean that it's the kind of response that you're used too
    “If you see a friend without a smile; give him one of yours.”
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

  17. #17
    Creepy-bg

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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by he died with a felafel
    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    Quote Originally Posted by rockclimber
    but smiling is a response... just not a verbal one.
    You're right it is a response, but it's not a proper response. Social norms prescribe a verbal response in that situation.
    not necessarily, it might just mean that it's the kind of response that you're used too
    “If you see a friend without a smile; give him one of yours.”
    that quotes so sickly sweet it makes my teeth hurt

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    that quotes so sickly sweet it makes my teeth hurt
    Haha yeah probablly likely to make Mr_Magoo run out out of this thread as fast as his legs can carry him

    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

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