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Thread: "Phobie"

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Default "Phobie"

    Lots of info for this one. I'm not sure all of it is relevant to socionics, but I thought I'd include all my notes, just for completeness' sake.


    The first thing my sister said when I asked what she thinks of him was "He's kind of mean."

    People say he has mood swings. Not as bad as they once were. *shrug* It could be true. From what I've seen he does tend to oscillate a little, but I haven't noticed anything huge or especially dramatic, yet.

    He can get snappish sometimes, and bossy toward those he's in charge of. He'll yell at them if they're not doing something right. Not necessarily a really angry shout; more like just raising the volume of his voice. He says he can be domineering sometimes, which I suppose is true. (We've joked that part of my job the next few months will be to keep people from hating him.) He likes things to be a specific way, the way that they should be.

    For example, he lifeguards, and he is one of the most picky lifeguards I've ever encountered. "*blows whistle* Three on the ladder!" "*whistle* Please get off the rope!" "*whistle* Hey, you there. You! Please make sure she's out of the way before you jump in!" "*looking at my feet* What? Are those shoes on my deck?" "*WHISTLE!* Three on the ladder!!" All the while hunched there with a sort of scowl on his face. He usually doesn't yell without a decent reason, though.

    Yelling or not, he can give pretty good directions and is fairly good at planning things practically and simply. He also seems good at accepting input on how to make things better. At least, when you approach him at the right time. I've yet to see how this really plays out, though, which will be important for doing my own job well.

    When people ask him for things, his first response is usually, "No." His rationale for that is that it's better to say "no" first, then "yes" later, than get people's hopes up only to dash them later.

    Likes manual labor. Loves it, actually. "Give me a shovel, axe, or some bark-dust to spread and I’ll be happy." He likes physical contact and wrestling with other guys. Like several other boys I know, he likes fire and claims to like blowing things up. Has an impressive knife collection.

    Can easily discuss gross topics with people, including my ESFj friend.

    Gets along well with the ESFj. She says they have a respect for each other, and she will often provoke him into playful banter. She says she can be rougher toward him than me.

    Is shy. Calls himself a xenophobe (hence the name). He knows it's a weakness and tries to work on it.

    Gets embarrassed easily. Is awkward and clumsy sometimes, and if someone notices and laughs he laughs, too, but turns red. So I often pretend not to notice and try not to laugh. I actually do that for a lot of people, but for some reason I find it harder not to smile in his case. I can't pinpoint why, but there's something about him that tends to tickle the giggle center of my brain. It's easier if it's just me that's present, because then I can go ahead and smile a little, but warmly, and non-verbally sort of let him know that it's ok and that I don't think any less of him. After all, I can be quite clumsy, too, etc. But if other people are there, they'll see that I'm smiling and then notice why and laugh at him, which I don't like and tend to feel guilty about.

    Despite the above, he can be a bit silly sometimes. He'll do a funny dance, tell funny stories, sing songs when requested to. While some of it may be a reaction to nervousness, a lot of it is just because he can be a playful, almost childlike person.

    Seems very insecure in many ways. He'll often sit hunched into himself, almost as if he's unconsciously making himself smaller, even though he's almost 6'.

    Like me, he can be intimidated by our ESTp boss, though they get along fine.

    So far, I've gotten along fine with him, too. He's never yelled at me and always speaks politely to me. I know if I need his direct attention I've got it. We can gently joke back and forth, and we seem to connect fairly well in terms of understanding each other, what we're saying and thinking; it doesn't take a whole lot of explaining to get our points across to each other. Simple statements work well. I find it relatively easy to read him.

    He likes kids and tends to talk to them more as if they were on the same level as him. He's developed a special connection with the ESTp's youngest son, who in turn thinks him one of the greatest people ever. He tends to take on a fatherly role toward the boy, correcting and teaching him things.

    He doesn't always spell very well, but he's fond of longer words. He's pretty smart (smarter, I think, than he often comes across) and likes to think and talk about some of the same things I do, like people and religion. He's got a degree in theology and is looking toward getting his master's. He wants to teach at a college someday. Half-jokingly, he'll use his education as leverage in discussions. "Who here is a certified theologian? Raise your hand! ...I thought so." Therefore, he's right and his opponent (usually a subordinate) is wrong. But, like I said, it's done jokingly and I think is used more to quell his impudent underlings than really make a point or win a debate. In a real discussion, he tends to rely on what he's learned, especially facts, without making strong statements.

    In a few funny ways, he reminds me a bit of mcnew. Except, Phobie's a little more stable, more satisfied in his inner core, I guess you could say. But they have similar insecurities (no offense, mcnew).

    Some people tend to focus on his grumpy behavior, but it's easy for me to see beyond that and not take it too seriously. The insecurity is much more obvious to me, and I like to encourage and support him when I can.


    Hey, (after all this) I have another question - other than the "what type is he?" one, to which I would appreciate an answer, too: Do you think I put too much of a delta spin on my descriptions? Perhaps I put too much of an emphasis on what resonates the most with me? I feel I might not be objective, and as such am giving a skewed perspective of these people.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
    ()


    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Expat's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Phobie"

    I keep seeing ISTj, but some of it suggests ISFj. Not everything is consistent with ISTj, but for now I think it's the likeliest. I'll think more about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    Hey, (after all this) I have another question - other than the "what type is he?" one, to which I would appreciate an answer, too: Do you think I put too much of a delta spin on my descriptions? Perhaps I put too much of an emphasis on what resonates the most with me? I feel I might not be objective, and as such am giving a skewed perspective of these people.
    Sometimes you also put your own interpretation on the person's motivations, which makes it a bit difficult.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Argh. Sorry. I'll try to do that less.

    "Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts." *sigh*
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    "Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts." *sigh*
    It's not as bad as that , the problem is things like this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    Seems very insecure in many ways. He'll often sit hunched into himself, almost as if he's unconsciously making himself smaller, even though he's almost 6'.
    What does that mean? That does not fit the overall personality you conveyed of him; are you sure he's trying to (consciously or unconsciously) "make himself smaller"?
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    He seems like an unhealthy type. My first thought was an INFj who is trying hard to appear aggressive but somehow portrays rather unsuccessfully.

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    cunnilingus epilepsy inducer
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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    He seems like an unhealthy type. My first thought was an INFj who is trying hard to appear aggressive but somehow portrays rather unsuccessfully.
    What about him appears unhealthy? I don't see it.

  7. #7
    Creepy-Diana

    Default Re: "Phobie"

    .

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Phobie"

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Doesn't everyone like fire and blowing things up??
    As long as it doesn't damage anything valuable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    Can easily discuss gross topics with people, including my ESFj friend.
    Such as? Not that it's important, I'm just curious, lol.
    Well, one weekend we were in the kitchen serving a group breakfast, and the two of them started talking about eyeballs – mainly about how tough they are and what sort of abuse they do and might survive. Another topic might be what happens with mice in traps. Not vulgar stuff, but stuff that could potentially make me squeamish. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a strong point of his, but it doesn't bother him as much as it does me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Sounds like a good egg.
    Yeah, he is.

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    I like your desciptions because they are more personable than just the cold hard facts. Anyway, I have no idea on this person's type, but it was fun to comment anyway.
    I think it's fun when you comment, too.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    He seems like an unhealthy type. My first thought was an INFj who is trying hard to appear aggressive but somehow portrays rather unsuccessfully.
    I don't think he's trying hard, but rather doesn't attempt to be gentle when he's getting things the way he thinks they should be. Or doesn't know how to be gentle. I'm not sure, yet, which.

    As far as health goes, I think he's got a lot more growing still, sure, but I'd prefer his company to a good many others that I can think of. He's goodhearted, honest, and is committed to becoming a godly man, even if he isn't there yet.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    Seems very insecure in many ways. He'll often sit hunched into himself, almost as if he's unconsciously making himself smaller, even though he's almost 6'.
    What does that mean? That does not fit the overall personality you conveyed of him; are you sure he's trying to (consciously or unconsciously) "make himself smaller"?
    Unconsciously, because he's not really thinking it through. Making himself smaller, because he doesn't want to stand out, to draw attention to himself. He does it more when he's in that type of mood, when he's just watching people, watching what's going on without participating. Or when he's worried. Or thinking about certain things. Or being teased by the ESTp or someone else (whereupon he turns red, too).

    Eh, I don't know... It's a physical expression of what I know is going on inside.

    Now I'm frustrating myself because I can't explain it. Body language is connected to what people are feeling/thinking in the moment, and that particular connection seemed strong enough to... use as an illustration of what I sense in/from him. It's not just that that tells me of his insecurities, but it's a good way to see it. But perhaps I shouldn't have put that particular observation in.


    I might be able to give better, less contradictory information in a few days. I guess what makes it hard is that it's like there's several sides to him - the bossy yelling side, the silly shy side, the serious thoughtful side... Actually, I haven't personally encountered the "mean" side of him to any significant degree, but I mention it because other people can see him that way, especially if they're under his authority and are the types to expect people to be nice all the time.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
    ()


    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Really quick, my friend's analysis as written to me:
    Quote Originally Posted by An ESFj
    Phobie? :-) Phobie is like a little boy sometimes. Great story teller (has tendancies to stretch the story.... just a little).

    He is dominant, yet not. He can be a leader and "in charge" yet, I don't think he particularly seeks that position. He's a servant at heart. I have always seen that. I don't know that I've ever pissed him off. I think the key to working with him is do what you're told with a a good attitude, and when you want to say something against what's going on do it at the right time and place. He's insecure, or was when I [last worked closely with him]. He yells out of habit, though at one time intimidation was the only way he knew how to gain control. What humors me is that he is so very relational, yet he is a complete JERK - harsh on the outside, and totally gooey on the inside! He's very sensitive. He knows how to get on peoples' nerves and loves to get a reaction (though I doubt he'll give you too much rag if he respects you, and he does). He jokes with me, but he can't get a reaction like he does out of [another girl we mutually know*]. I think he respects me, but he doesn't talk to me much.

    He loves those under him. No matter how hard he yells, never doubt that. He's very insecure at times. He needs affirmation and encouragement.

    He's a thinker. He loves to think about all sorts of things, deeper things. He's got a sense of humor. Have you seen his "phobie dance"? You need to see that sometime.

    He's slowly getting away from his fear of people. I think sometimes he would make jokes with and intimidate those he didn't feel comfortable with or to gain popularity. I think he's becoming much more comfortable with who he is.

    Over all, I've always liked him. He's never ruffled my feathers and I hope I've never pissed him off. Though, one time I do think I frustrated him...
    I'll probably have more of my own later, but I wanted to put this up while I had the chance.


    * A fuller description is possibly pending, but in a nutshell she's a very bubbly, warm, emotionally reactive person.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    almost all of the description seems to point to LSI. IJ temperament is pretty clear, xenophobia thing is definitely a pointer towards Ne polr, the attentiveness to rules is very much characteristic of LSI. you also include good relations with an ESE and elements of Fe dual seeking. the last post by the ESE definitely makes him seem like a Ti dominant.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    Really quick, my friend's analysis as written to me:
    Quote Originally Posted by An ESFj
    Phobie? :-) Phobie is like a little boy sometimes. Great story teller (has tendancies to stretch the story.... just a little).

    He is dominant, yet not. He can be a leader and "in charge" yet, I don't think he particularly seeks that position. He's a servant at heart. I have always seen that. I don't know that I've ever pissed him off. I think the key to working with him is do what you're told with a a good attitude, and when you want to say something against what's going on do it at the right time and place. He's insecure, or was when I [last worked closely with him]. He yells out of habit, though at one time intimidation was the only way he knew how to gain control. What humors me is that he is so very relational, yet he is a complete JERK - harsh on the outside, and totally gooey on the inside! He's very sensitive. He knows how to get on peoples' nerves and loves to get a reaction (though I doubt he'll give you too much rag if he respects you, and he does). He jokes with me, but he can't get a reaction like he does out of [another girl we mutually know*]. I think he respects me, but he doesn't talk to me much.

    He loves those under him. No matter how hard he yells, never doubt that. He's very insecure at times. He needs affirmation and encouragement.

    He's a thinker. He loves to think about all sorts of things, deeper things. He's got a sense of humor. Have you seen his "phobie dance"? You need to see that sometime.

    He's slowly getting away from his fear of people. I think sometimes he would make jokes with and intimidate those he didn't feel comfortable with or to gain popularity. I think he's becoming much more comfortable with who he is.

    Over all, I've always liked him. He's never ruffled my feathers and I hope I've never pissed him off. Though, one time I do think I frustrated him...
    I'll probably have more of my own later, but I wanted to put this up while I had the chance.


    * A fuller description is possibly pending, but in a nutshell she's a very bubbly, warm, emotionally reactive person.
    This description sounds a lot like ISTj to me.

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    I thought ISTj. Second guess would be INTj.

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    ISTj? o.O Or even INTj? He doesn’t sound at all like UDP. Much more… playful, and… less distant from the world. ISFj? Well, Diana did react fairly well to my description of him. Except… I think she's… less persnickety?

    Somehow, I pictured ISTjs as being much different. Harsher, more rigid, more… unpleasant. I know, I know, I said that he's like that, but… he's not really like that, not all the time. Not even most of the time. I mainly said that because that's how he appears to other people sometimes. He's actually quite the funny, goofy, gentle, generally happy guy. And, aren't superegos supposed to not get along very well? But, okay, explain it to me.

    …please.

    Oh, I have an idea. What sort of question could I ask him that would help make things clearer? If they need clearing, that is...
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    ISTj? o.O Or even INTj? He doesn’t sound at all like UDP. Much more… playful, and… less distant from the world. ISFj? Well, Diana did react fairly well to my description of him. Except… I think she's… less persnickety?
    If you've got as creative function, you won't be distant from the world, and ISTjs, like all Betas, can be very playful.

    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    Somehow, I pictured ISTjs as being much different. Harsher, more rigid, more… unpleasant. I know, I know, I said that he's like that, but… he's not really like that, not all the time. Not even most of the time. I mainly said that because that's how he appears to other people sometimes. He's actually quite the funny, goofy, gentle, generally happy guy. And, aren't superegos supposed to not get along very well? But, okay, explain it to me.
    Superegos can get along well due to the same temperament, especially if there is large overlap of common interests (as in your case). The difficulty arises during longer and closer relationships. I mostly get along very well with ESFjs, but probably marrying one wouldn't work.

    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    Oh, I have an idea. What sort of question could I ask him that would help make things clearer? If they need clearing, that is...
    I don't know what else he could be.

    For instance, this:

    I think the key to working with him is do what you're told with a a good attitude, and when you want to say something against what's going on do it at the right time and place.
    That's the classical approach to deal with ISTjs, as I've already observed myself.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Seems ISTj. He sounds like a guy I know that I have hard relations with. I think that guy is a shell of a person. Lots of "I'm gonna do this" and lots of, "I did nothin." He said 'no,' to everything. But it was more related to his Se and looking 'weak,' in front of others. Really, he was shit labor who made it hard for everyone around him. I don't know if this is particular to ISTjs, but the few I've known I only have this to say: They aren't good at doing anything, but they are good at telling others what to do.
    asd

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heath
    Seems ISTj. He sounds like a guy I know that I have hard relations with. I think that guy is a shell of a person. Lots of "I'm gonna do this" and lots of, "I did nothin." He said 'no,' to everything. But it was more related to his Se and looking 'weak,' in front of others. Really, he was shit labor who made it hard for everyone around him. I don't know if this is particular to ISTjs, but the few I've known I only have this to say: They aren't good at doing anything, but they are good at telling others what to do.
    This guy is good at telling others what to do, but he's also a good worker. He couldn't be where he is right now if he wasn't hardworking, conscientious, and self-motivated. We're sort of partners, and he's always good about making sure I get what I need to do my job, too. So I guess all ISTjs don't necessarily have to be like the guy you know.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    I think the key to working with him is do what you're told with a a good attitude, and when you want to say something against what's going on do it at the right time and place.
    That's the classical approach to deal with ISTjs, as I've already observed myself.
    That's usually how I deal with people, anyway, except I don't always have perfect timing - sometimes I'm a little off, but not too badly. Like I said, we get along fine. Though we don't really talk a lot.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    So, I can see the , but can you show me where his is?
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

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    There are some glimpses of here:

    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    When people ask him for things, his first response is usually, "No." His rationale for that is that it's better to say "no" first, then "yes" later, than get people's hopes up only to dash them later.

    He's got a degree in theology and is looking toward getting his master's. He wants to teach at a college someday. Half-jokingly, he'll use his education as leverage in discussions. "Who here is a certified theologian? Raise your hand! ...I thought so." Therefore, he's right and his opponent (usually a subordinate) is wrong.
    However, it is true, as such does not stand out from your description, not alone.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

  22. #22
    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    However, it is true, as such does not stand out from your description, not alone.
    So how are we to tell that he is ISTj, then?
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

  23. #23
    Expat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    However, it is true, as such does not stand out from your description, not alone.
    So how are we to tell that he is ISTj, then?
    Well, basically what niffweed said. Your description suggested IJ temperament, , and PoLR, with bits of dual-seeking. Then the very good relationship with an ESFj.

    The point is, what else could he be? ISFj? It's possible, but then I think the ESFj's views would be different. And perhaps also the relationship with the ESTp.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

  24. #24
    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Ok, that makes sense. But why isn't the showing? Is it because I'm not including it in the description?
    INFj / EII / FiNe
    ()


    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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