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Thread: LII-EIE semi-duality relations (ENFj & INTj)

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    Default LII-EIE semi-duality relations (ENFj & INTj)

    Well I've been with my ENFj for about a week.... Ah the absence of duality is EVERYWHERE. The world seems to be transiting into one long tunnel of activity which my significant predetermines for me via her . I feel like I'm faced with one line straight ahead not of my own making....

    She's not very playful.... If I do something spontaneous she asks "WHAT?", as though "what's the point?"

    She's cuddly, but very procedural about it. It's as though she has subroutines for everything. If you try to do something she doesn't have subroutines for, then she gets confused.

    Moreover, these subroutines are pure . It's as though she must do everything according to social sanction. Anything suggested that is less so sactioned, or ambiguiously sanctioned, makes her uncomfortable.

    The weak shows in her cooking. Everything she fixes is either too light on taste or too heavy on it. This was especially evident when she took me to a picnic at her uncle's house. Her uncle was an ESFj and the difference in cooking quality was AMAZING....

    That's really all the complaints I have. The is tender, and the only reason she's so conforming is her youth. She doesn't yet know who she is....

    Besides that, any advice?

    Oh, and she spoils every movie we watch that she has already seen. So easy to see how an ISTj would love an ENFj partner.

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    Don't forget the the thehotelambush's Avatar
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    Default Re: My ENFj girlfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by tcaudilllg
    Oh, and she spoils every movie we watch that she has already seen.
    What do you mean?

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Heh, classic Ni-Extrovert move...
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Default Re: My ENFj girlfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush
    Quote Originally Posted by tcaudilllg
    Oh, and she spoils every movie we watch that she has already seen.
    What do you mean?
    She tells me what is going to happen. Again, and again, and again AS WE WATCH THE MOVIE. I finally had to tell her to shush. >_<

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    I actually think of it mostly as an ENTx thing, but it wouldn't suprise me if an EIE did it.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    EIE and LSI were meant for each other, that is for sure.

    You post, along with many other things, furthers my appreciation for ESEs. Once I find one I like, she will not have a chance of escaping.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III
    Once I find one I like, she will not have a chance of escaping.
    ;
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    oh come on. he keeps his dungeon clean and rotates an asortment of high quality books.
    asd

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III
    Once I find one I like, she will not have a chance of escaping.
    ;
    You think I am joking?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    I actually think of it mostly as an ENTx thing
    It is. My dad does it all the time.

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    Default Re: My ENFj girlfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by tcaudilllg
    Well I've been with my ENFj for about a week....
    [list of complaints]
    I can tell this relationship is going to last a looong time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Logos
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    Default Re: My ENFj girlfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Elro
    Quote Originally Posted by tcaudilllg
    Well I've been with my ENFj for about a week....
    [list of complaints]
    I can tell this relationship is going to last a looong time.
    lol, no shit.

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    You've been dating her one week, and you consider her to be your girlfriend, and you're complaining about this plethora of movies she's spoiled - how many movies have you seen in one week? Is that all you do with her? Maybe she'd rather have a date where you can talk. If I were always taken on movies for dates I'd go crazy trying to be quiet all that time.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    Ti centric krieger's Avatar
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    Shoo off delta Fi police. This is the alpha quadra board.

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    Be easy on the guy. He probably started the thread just to show off he finally managed to convince a girl to go out.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    The crowd has officially turned... run, buddy, run!

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    Quote Originally Posted by force my hand
    The crowd has officially turned... run, buddy, run!

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    *hugs tcaudilllg*

    You think too much, dear.
    INFp, Intuitive subtype, Enneagram 6w5
    Back in school and on semi-permanent hiatus from the forum

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    Default EIE-LII semi-duality relations (ENFj & INTj)

    k.. seems like I've been attracting ENFjs lately. But I can see the problems a mile away..

    just curious. I think a semi dual relation is sustainable. But wanted to ask ENFjs about their experiences with INTjs and how they experience frustrations with them. I know what it's like on my end.. but haven't really asked the ENFjs I know about it.

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    for example.. i find that Se program or Se creative types require your physical presence. Is this the same for ENFjs. Are they a "high maintenance" friend?

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    Default Re: ENFj-INTj (relations) ENFj perspective

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    k.. seems like I've been attracting ENFjs lately. But I can see the problems a mile away..

    just curious. I think a semi dual relation is sustainable. But wanted to ask ENFjs about their experiences with INTjs and how they experience frustrations with them. I know what it's like on my end.. but haven't really asked the ENFjs I know about it.
    i'm too needy, not independant enough, not complex enough, hard-line enough for INTJs. While I think they can be a lot of fun and a good friend it is periodic and not at all sustained enough for me for the long haul. I say this knowing myself and seeing the qualities in ESFJs i've known well enough to see the specifics which i'm lacking. Granted I am only self actualizing on a low level, I dont know how a higher level of that on my part would improve my relations to INTJs, but I suspect it would always be the same.

    lefty
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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    A nightmare, usually. My parents are INTj and ENFj respectively and are about to divorce.

    My dad (INTj) keeps complaining about Si stuff, like pressing my mom to clean the house, do the cooking, giving out money, etc. She does close to nothing for us this days.

    My mom (ENFj) keeps complaining abut Ni stuff, like her disappointment on us for not supporting her in her "marvelous" and somewhat "universe shaking" motives and goals. She decided that "we just stay in the house doing nothing" (we all value Si: ENFp, INTj, ESFj, ENTp) so she invented some goals like finishing a career to give her life a "meaning" and such. But we all are too independent minded to buy into such things. Specially my dad...

    So we discuss daily this days. Sometimes it can get pretty heated. The worst discussions are probably with me, as I harshly criticize her for being (in my view) pretty egoistical.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    I like INTjs in general, but I barely treat them as "men". It might be different with male ENFj and female INTj.

    Oh wait, I know one married couple like that. They seem very fond of each other. The ENFj has some ideas and plans sometimes and the INTj smiles and nods and quietly encourages. Seems like it's not entirely sufficient encouragement for him. Like he's also waiting for some feedback because he keeps adding ideas to the previous base idea and waiting for a reply. The INTj seems to agree with pretty much everything, so it's clear he won't get the feedback he wants. The ENFj rushes her a bit when it comes to minor thing. Like when they browse the web at the same computer, the ENFj will give "orders" of what to click. He's really just expressing his ideas and she should argue when needed, but she agrees with all the suggestions. For her, each suggestion is just like any other option that Ne would provide. She seemed annoyed that this took away her freedom of click whatever she wants, but the ENFj either didn't notice or he thought it's good for her to learn standing up for herself. It did not seem as if he was treating her gently when it comes to Se. Nope. He was still assuming that she has enough Se to take care of herself.
    EIE, ENFj, intuitive subtype.
    E3 (probably 3w4)

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    Sorry to hear about that, mikemex.

    thank you Kri.. sounds like an excellent description. I just don't understand how an ISTj can not mind about taking away "freedom" for whatever she wants either, unless he just expects it and uses his or her Se to "get it back" or maybe the ISTj just doesn't see the need for other options.

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    I generally get along with INTj's. They are pretty cool and interesting. There is this one INTj guy who likes constantly gives me advice and is friendly, and I get along with him pretty comfortably. I know it really doesn't help but we both had this discussion about how we hate doing chores and that we need our future spouses to do that for us. Anyway everything should be fine but the thing I noticed with semi-duality is that there can be alot of fights since each partner's hidden agendas are the other partner's polR's. I think its a cool relationship and a very comfortable one as well.
    ENFj Ni subtype 3w4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina
    He's really just expressing his ideas and she should argue when needed, but she agrees with all the suggestions.
    its really weird though. i feel like Ni types just get on a roll and wont stop even when I have been talking for like 10 seconds. Maybe ISTjs apply more Se when they argue.

    It's cool though, i am seeing many things about enfjs in a new light!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina
    He's really just expressing his ideas and she should argue when needed, but she agrees with all the suggestions.
    its really weird though. i feel like Ni types just get on a roll and wont stop even when I have been talking for like 10 seconds. Maybe ISTjs apply more Se when they argue.

    It's cool though, i am seeing many things about enfjs in a new light!
    I think Ne creatives start with the assumption that everyone is right and that every option is equally good and then they start looking for differences to exclude a few options. But Se creatives start with the assumption that there is one correct option and other options are just alternatives. They plan on going with their own option, but they consider the alternatives presented to them.

    So when there's a choice to be made, the ENFj will have an alternative option and the ENFj is immidiately prepared to push through that option. "I would click that link" sounds as driven as like "Click that link!!!!". Se creatives would react by deciding that he will definitely CONSIDER clicking it. And might even click it. But Ne creatives react like this: " oh, I didn't realize you feel so strongly about that. Okay I'll click it then. It's just as good as any other option anyway."
    EIE, ENFj, intuitive subtype.
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    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina
    I like INTjs in general, but I barely treat them as "men". It might be different with male ENFj and female INTj.
    yeah.. sometimes i think in romantic or sexual relationships perceiving functions rule all.

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    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina
    I like INTjs in general, but I barely treat them as "men". It might be different with male ENFj and female INTj.
    yeah.. sometimes i think in romantic or sexual relationships perceiving functions rule all.
    What do you mean?
    Having Ne-Si or Ni-Se combination is more important than having Fe-Ti or Fi-Te combination.

    * I'm pretty sure she meant that. In that case I would agree.
    EIE, ENFj, intuitive subtype.
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    it is what i meant..

    but of course understanding each other creates intimacy which can create the sexual desire. but yeah. I'd been thinking that and revisited the erotic attitudes, which are determined by the dominant perceiving function.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina
    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina
    I like INTjs in general, but I barely treat them as "men". It might be different with male ENFj and female INTj.
    yeah.. sometimes i think in romantic or sexual relationships perceiving functions rule all.
    What do you mean?
    Having Ne-Si or Ni-Se combination is more important than having Fe-Ti or Fi-Te combination.

    * I'm pretty sure she meant that. In that case I would agree.
    and the theory of erotic types (=attitudes) agrees as well

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    So we discuss daily this days. Sometimes it can get pretty heated. The worst discussions are probably with me, as I harshly criticize her for being (in my view) pretty egoistical.
    get a life and get out of your parents marriage. just because esfj benefits you doesn't mean you have the right to try to replace your mother with one. youre an asshole
    Lefty
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    "I'm Sick of Old Men Dreaming Up Wars for Young Men To Die In," George McGovern.

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