Okay. I don't really know where to start with this, or what precisely one needs to say. So, I'll just type whatever comes to mind. I'll start with...why I am here, because everyone knows why but the motivation behind the 'why' is really never the same. Relevant? I would think so. I am one of those kinds of people who once something catches their interest they cannot let it go until they've come to a conclusion that feels right. Afterwards there'll always be stages wher I revaluate my prior beliefs, but I never stop until I reach some sort of conclusion...temporary or not. So yes. That's why I'm here.
That's also something I really enjoy, having that feeling of purpose even though it is only caused by the fact that I'm preoccupied with something. But the second that I feel like my 'obsession' is being taken out of my control or is limiting me I do try and escape it, and I usually succeed. Most of my pain in life has stemmed from when I lost control of my focus and focii and they have become something that I did not want them to be. It always has taken forever for me to even see what is really going on in reality when I'm really excited, until that moment I tend to not be oblivious per se but certainly not tuned in. But on the other hand, when I don't really have many strong feelings about the situation I couldn't possibly be mistaken as oblivious. It really does depend.
The only thing I dislike more than not having a purpose that I personally value is being isolated, physically or emotionally. I've heard that I've always been shy (parents), but on the other hand I've never had the slightest bit of trouble making friends with someone who I looked at and decided I wanted to be my friends (did this a lot). One person who became one of my dearest friends to this day I randomly decided I wanted to be my friend because my best friend had just moved away and this girl showed up just as friendless in homeroom as I was. Later she told me that I was really confident and talkative and annoyed her so much, because I was always there...persistent and waiting... (duh duh duuuuh) Not everyone saw that side of me, either, just the ones I wanted to.
The biggest catastrophe in my life so far was the fake purpose I was given being yanked away, and my perception of the world being destroyed by my own reaction. I isolated myself, even though it was the last thing I ever wanted. Became immobile and stagnant, even though that was also the last thing I ever wanted. It was during my teenage years, so I imagine that had something to do with it. Managed to get out feeling mostly the same, except a lot less able to remain unaffected by the reactions (good and bad) of people around me. Overeactive friends make me feel jealous and clam up, unless I'm in a good mood myself. I tend to clam up under stress, rehash later, then after a few of these cycles I implode. Rarely explode. I'm not very good at getting angry with people. Objects yes.
Wow. Yeah, I talk a lot too. Hopefully something in this turns out to be helpful. I don't know what to think about my type, and I don't think I can even pretend to be slightly objective about this. Not that I realyl think objectivity is the answer, but looking at that side of the issue would certainly be helpful.