Enneagram Talk Styles
Enneagram Talk Styles, Essence, Passions and Fixations
One way to type those around you is to examine their Enneagram talk style. Each type has a unique approach to speaking and writing, which can be picked up on in a matter of minutes. The following is a list of each type and their general mode of communication:
TYPE 1: SERMONS/PREACH & TEACH
Teaching, preaching, finding fault, admonishing, correcting, reminding of obligations
Self-talk: ‘That’s not right’
TYPE 2: SYMPATHIES/HELP & ADVICE/PRAISE & COMPLIMENTS
Befriending, supporting, comforting, offering friendly advice, pitching in, meeting needs, getting personal
Self-talk: ‘You need me’
TYPE 3: SALES PITCHES/PROPAGANDA/SELF-PROMOTION
Promoting, advertising, performing, exclaiming, motivational speeches, success stories
Self-talk: ‘Watch me shine’
TYPE 4: LAMENTS/SAD STORIES
Longing, lamenting, extolling, yearning, regretful sighs, poetic turns of phrase, self-expression
Self-talk: ‘I’m feeling …’
TYPE 5: LECTURES/THESES/TREATISES
Detailed explanations, informative displays of knowledge, definitions, facts, precise instructions, logical, rational arguments
Self-talk: ‘I’m thinking …’
TYPE 6: CAUTIONS/CAVEATS/SETTING LIMITS
Questions, warnings, second-guessing, trouble-shooting, worst-case scenarios, defending / testing
Self-talk: ‘But what if …’
TYPE 7: ANECDOTES/BRAINSTORMING/STORYTELLING
Joking, laughing, story-telling, entertaining, shifting gears, changing venues, sampling, imagining, checking out, moving on
Self-talk: ‘On a lighter note’
TYPE 8: COMMANDS/DIATRIBES/LAYING TRIPS
Arguing, debating, opposing, taking aim, scoring points, parting shots, military metaphors
Self-talk: ‘Do this my way’
TYPE 9: CHRONICLES/SAGAS/EPICS
Recounting sagas, epics, generalizing, day-dreaming aloud, voicing vague notions, wondering, meandering
Self-talk: ‘Nice ’n easy’
Each type brings its particular art to a conversation and can add to it by natural talent. Each type also has a conversation stopper; this is how we end up blocking a healthy conversation. We can do this unconsciously when experiencing discomfort or anxiety due to our fixations.
- Art - Grace; Stopper - Judgment (Grace is healing, forgiveness and compassion)
- Art - Comfort; Stopper - Arrogance (Comfort is physical, emotional and intellectual)
- Art - Appreciation; Stopper - Untruth (Appreciation is maximizing strengths and minimizing weaknesses
- Art - Originality; Stopper - Imagination (Originality is vitality, creativity and eccentricities)
- Art - Education; Stopper - Cynicism (Education is teaching, listening and learning)
- Art - Awareness; Stopper - Rejection (Awareness is noticing thoughts, choices, and emotions in ourselves and in others)
- Art - Joy; Stopper - Distractions (Joy is growing into the extraordinary possibilities of being alive)
- Art - Trust; Stopper - Intimidation (Trust is built with equality and leadership)
- Art - Acceptance; Stopper - Withdrawal (Acceptance is being available, welcoming and engaging)
However, we also need conversation stoppers to help set reasonable limits, establish personal boundaries, and protect us from unhealthy conversations (which are boundary violating). When stoppers they are used to relate to others, they are poisonous, and lend to poor quality conversations.
Types Myths and Facts
Type 1 Myth:
- We need judgment to determine what is and isn't helpful.
- We need arrogance to speak up for ourselves.
- We need untruth to avoid truth paralysis so that we can move forward.
- We need imagination to give us a broader perspective.
- We need cynicism/skepticism to test what is said.
- We need to reject putdowns and excuses.
- We need distractions to open us to new possibilities.
- We need intimidation to forcefully end a conversation on the spot.
- We need to withdraw physically, emotionally or mentally when we face discouragement.
Ones are “neat freaks” and are inflexible.
Fact: What Ones rigidly adhere to and judge as right or wrong depends on the content of each one's internal standards, which can vary greatly. Thus, for example, if a One holds the standard that being flexible is the right way to be and maintaining neatness and order is a waste of time, then that person will not be particularly neat and will be judgmental about the inflexibility of others.
Type 2 Myth:
Twos just give to get and underneath are very needy.
Fact: Twos often give generously and only appear extra-needy because they repress so much need and desire, making them appear extra “thirsty” or needy.
Type 3 Myth:
Threes care only about their own goals, efficiency,