More on Duality
Posted 11-24-2009 at 06:34 PM by Ryu
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I've been 'attracted' to various types of women. So I'm not tying to say that I've always inherently been attracted to my dual, only. That's surely not the case. But it's a matter of a certain appeal. Extratim women seem too much in my face with certain things - I really do not enjoy other people's initiatives being suggested or asked of me, that's not appealing at all.
But I do think, really, that I've learned over the years what types of women I'm simply more compatible with in general - what kind of people, in general, really. It takes time and experience. So while I still remember things from my highschool/etc days (for example, this one girl who was very emotionally subdued, obviously not Fe valuing, studious, kind of shy but also good natured - she stood out in certain ways), I think it's more a sense of realizing what works for you over time.
Socionics is nice because it sort of gives you a general group to fit people with certain natures in - so, outside of 'my dual', even, I realize the things that I'd have to do or expect if I was in a relationship with another type.
As far as duality goes, though, I think Rick has an article on his site about the dualization process - and it says how once you meet more duals and have more dual experience, you realize how that relationship works out more and become more 'fluent' in making that relationship work. (I have a feeling most type relationships are that way, really. For example, over time, I've learned how to deal with LSIs, how to work with them and let them have there area of functionality, such as in group projects; you just learn what people 'want' or 'expect' and how types react to certain things).
I was talking to someone else about this recently, though, in regard to duality: sometimes, when I'm around duals, I "don't feel anything". But that feeling of nothingness has to do with being around so many other people where I feel like I have to translate or say things a certain way, people whose inherent 'values' aren't the same as mine. So, sometimes, when I'm around a dual, the 'lack of fuss' seems strange... but then you realize how comfortable and appealing that is. I think if you don't have a lot of experience with your dual, that 'lack of fuss' could seem boring or insignificant at first, but as you get more experience and understanding, you realize that feeling as being part of a feeling of calmness and 'peace', if you will.
The favorite person in my family has always been an EII aunt of mine - who fits that EII female description fairly well - was someone I always realized I got along well with. With her, there's just a sense that we were always on the same team as far as going about things or dealing with family issues: we both didn't really want a lot of fussing or arguing, we both preferred there to be something productive going on, we both shared an understanding and concern about how the younger kids (I was the eldest 'grandchild' so to say) should be raised or taught or problems they have with development. And as I got older I was able to be more assertive in terms of physically doing things - like dealing with Se issues (bugs in the house, carrying things, breaking up disputes, etc), which she seemed super appreciative of. So, with her, it was always a sense of simply being on the same page, particularly in a "what do I need/want to feel like things are going well/smoothly/enjoyably kind of way".
An EII at school is kind of the same way, really, as far as that compatibility I just mentioned. My interaction with her has been a little different, as we're the same age and both at school. She always seems to forget to eat so, I've often brought her food whenever we end up working on projects together. It's not even something I particularly recognize as intentional on my part, I have just developed associating that this person with sharing food or bringing cookies to/with. Because of her nature, she ends up supporting things but sometimes trying to do jobs she's not particularly fit for (like she wasn't that experienced with planning a road trip to an event online - but she took it anyways because it had to be done), so, I 'respect that' about her, and was drawn to help her because its something I have more experience with. She was somewhat improperly delegated the job, but she didn't complain about it and had a sense of responsibility about it, so, things like that I notice - she took it up because she cared about the people/team/objective. So I ended up helping with her; as I expected, the person who was supposed to help with her flaked out and didn't really do that much, so we ended up working together. Somehow it came up that she was hungry and I ended up finding some fruit which held her over. Etc etc etc. I don't know if she subconsciously realizes our compatibility in that way (probably?), but, she generally enjoys being around me and I think she's grown to feel comfortable around me as such.
So I think it's really a sense of understanding how your dual wants you to be. Honestly, I find that my dual wants me to be the person that I really am, mostly - which is confusing because when you spend a lot of time with non-dual people you can develop certain habits or ways of dealing with things. And then, over time, I think the more you spend time with that dual, you fine tune your interactions based on your dual seeking function / their ego block, etc.
What is confusing to me is that there are some people who seem clearly Rational or Irrational subtype, but then others not so much.
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Originally Posted by Marie84 
Neat thread, I don't have much to randomly post about atm but I might contribute later.
About your post though...
I was always under the impression that extroverts don't really notice or at least are not drawn to their dual until they have developed a relationship with one.
Did your attraction begin after you met one or was it just always there?
About your post though...
I was always under the impression that extroverts don't really notice or at least are not drawn to their dual until they have developed a relationship with one.
Did your attraction begin after you met one or was it just always there?
But I do think, really, that I've learned over the years what types of women I'm simply more compatible with in general - what kind of people, in general, really. It takes time and experience. So while I still remember things from my highschool/etc days (for example, this one girl who was very emotionally subdued, obviously not Fe valuing, studious, kind of shy but also good natured - she stood out in certain ways), I think it's more a sense of realizing what works for you over time.
Socionics is nice because it sort of gives you a general group to fit people with certain natures in - so, outside of 'my dual', even, I realize the things that I'd have to do or expect if I was in a relationship with another type.
As far as duality goes, though, I think Rick has an article on his site about the dualization process - and it says how once you meet more duals and have more dual experience, you realize how that relationship works out more and become more 'fluent' in making that relationship work. (I have a feeling most type relationships are that way, really. For example, over time, I've learned how to deal with LSIs, how to work with them and let them have there area of functionality, such as in group projects; you just learn what people 'want' or 'expect' and how types react to certain things).
I was talking to someone else about this recently, though, in regard to duality: sometimes, when I'm around duals, I "don't feel anything". But that feeling of nothingness has to do with being around so many other people where I feel like I have to translate or say things a certain way, people whose inherent 'values' aren't the same as mine. So, sometimes, when I'm around a dual, the 'lack of fuss' seems strange... but then you realize how comfortable and appealing that is. I think if you don't have a lot of experience with your dual, that 'lack of fuss' could seem boring or insignificant at first, but as you get more experience and understanding, you realize that feeling as being part of a feeling of calmness and 'peace', if you will.
The favorite person in my family has always been an EII aunt of mine - who fits that EII female description fairly well - was someone I always realized I got along well with. With her, there's just a sense that we were always on the same team as far as going about things or dealing with family issues: we both didn't really want a lot of fussing or arguing, we both preferred there to be something productive going on, we both shared an understanding and concern about how the younger kids (I was the eldest 'grandchild' so to say) should be raised or taught or problems they have with development. And as I got older I was able to be more assertive in terms of physically doing things - like dealing with Se issues (bugs in the house, carrying things, breaking up disputes, etc), which she seemed super appreciative of. So, with her, it was always a sense of simply being on the same page, particularly in a "what do I need/want to feel like things are going well/smoothly/enjoyably kind of way".
An EII at school is kind of the same way, really, as far as that compatibility I just mentioned. My interaction with her has been a little different, as we're the same age and both at school. She always seems to forget to eat so, I've often brought her food whenever we end up working on projects together. It's not even something I particularly recognize as intentional on my part, I have just developed associating that this person with sharing food or bringing cookies to/with. Because of her nature, she ends up supporting things but sometimes trying to do jobs she's not particularly fit for (like she wasn't that experienced with planning a road trip to an event online - but she took it anyways because it had to be done), so, I 'respect that' about her, and was drawn to help her because its something I have more experience with. She was somewhat improperly delegated the job, but she didn't complain about it and had a sense of responsibility about it, so, things like that I notice - she took it up because she cared about the people/team/objective. So I ended up helping with her; as I expected, the person who was supposed to help with her flaked out and didn't really do that much, so we ended up working together. Somehow it came up that she was hungry and I ended up finding some fruit which held her over. Etc etc etc. I don't know if she subconsciously realizes our compatibility in that way (probably?), but, she generally enjoys being around me and I think she's grown to feel comfortable around me as such.
So I think it's really a sense of understanding how your dual wants you to be. Honestly, I find that my dual wants me to be the person that I really am, mostly - which is confusing because when you spend a lot of time with non-dual people you can develop certain habits or ways of dealing with things. And then, over time, I think the more you spend time with that dual, you fine tune your interactions based on your dual seeking function / their ego block, etc.
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And about subtypes, I'm not a particular fan or the theory. They, more or less, seem to describe two different moods of each type, at least that's been my observation.
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